The Wizznutzz Annual Christmas Cards are in the mail!!
This years card captures the true christmas spirit very beautifully we think: its Manute Bol going lloyd dobler over the baby jesus, delivering an auto-reverse serenade of hope and piece into the bethlehem twilight from his Lasonic TRC-920!!!!!!!!!
Note: bacon pictured here is just for scale
But don't worry everyone on our list WILL be getting bacon with their cards, just not this kind. because times are tight for us all the bacon this year will just be loose in the envelope. And sorry Mr Leonsis, this year only one per household!!!
Every good art tells a story but also holds a mystery, and the mystery of this card is the question: what music is the Holy Bol playing??
I like to think it is a cassette of Dire Straights "Brothers In Arms" but with the last song cut off where he taped over it with "One Night in Bangkok"
Hop on the comments and tell us what you hear!
AND DOnrt forget, last minute holiday shoppers, there is no need to scour the craigslist for this years FURBY, because this years Furby is a teenage boy from Ohio called "Marcy" who is waiting with your present in the bushes in prospect park and also because we havea a special holiday sale over at THE NEWLY RE-DESIGNED Mothering Hut!!!!!
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Weve had a nice few days of no basketball, -- those games r such a damned distraction!!! You think anyone remembers the final record of the 1993 Bullets team?? No! all they remember is the fun off court stuff like how Calbert Cheany got his drivers license and Don Maclean hired Kid n Play to host his big 25th Birthday bash!!!
Thats why we love Agent Steinz asking the questions everyone else is to ashamed to ask!!
In the full interview Big Oily talks about how he got his first fur when he was 8, which is common for russian boys, but as he started growing so fast his family couldnt afford to buy him new coats so when he had a growth spurt they just went out back and slaughtered another sable and sewed it right on to the coat sleeves!!! It wasnt sables ofen, just whatever was around out back and moving too slow to avoid the rake, and it depended on how much he had grown, so if he grew just a little it would maybe be the pelt of a field mouse or a dead possum they found on the road. By the time he hit 7 foot u could study Big Oilys coat like u study the rings of a tree--- you could chart his growth in the mangy quilt!!!
We also liked how Agent Zero hamslammed Beth SHoals and his Strayer College smarts!!! Agent Zero is getting tired of the backlash and doth backlash a little himself - "Et Tu Darkus???!!!"
But as great as these things are to life, they are not even close to greatness of what you will see next.
What you will see now is...
OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!
Holy Finger-licking Jesus, the wizznutzz are now in possession of a genuine, rarist of rare, 1986 CHURCH'S FRIED CHICKEN MANUTE BOL SPUD WEBB AUTOGRAPHED PROMO 2-PIECE WITH BISCUIT BOX!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes we have gotten many amazing Bullets collectibles in the mail before, like the grilled cheese sandwich with Ledell Eackles face on it, or the disturbing card Dennis Wilson gave Stan Love on his 14th Birthday, or Jim MacIlvaines unbaked All-Star cake, or that piece of Kwame Brown's foreskin and we have also gotten fried meats in the mail before like our Bacon of the Month deliveries, and our Xmas "PORK-o-PENO" Yule Loaf we get each year from the Ramos family (they drop it right off at Circuit City loading dock with a truck dolly!!!) but we never thought we would get one holy item that combines both our passions so perfectly!!!
It was destiny for us to have this, from the minute it left the box company to minute it passed under the ashamed pen of manute bol until it arrived to us. The creation of this manute bol chicken box as one of those rare and powerful symbolic moments in the spirit world, a prophecy, like the birth of an albino buffalo, or eclipse of the sun, or blood running out of Virgin Pete's' eyes!
What we like best about this Box is fact that it looks like Manute signed it "MATT BOL" !!!! Is this just his famous low-self esteem guiding his hand, or is Matt Bol his secret deep cover Sudanese resistance code name?? Matt Bol the American "salesman" who spends alot of time watching CNN???
What we also like best is how on the back it says that the "MANUTE BOL MEAL" is a single chicken leg and one thigh. Thats it??? Thats the Manute Bol Meal??? No wonders he couldnt keep up his playing weight in the offseason!!!! He had to make up all the calories with packets of Sweet and SOur sauce and endless Pibb refills!
Even tho its tru we have the greatest collectible ever, you can still get something pretty damn good yourself right now on eBay:
best thing about an athletes GAMEWORN pants is u know you are getting something unique, but u are also getting the sweaty intimates of a man you admire!!! Its very exciting!! Why sport a chone when you can be sporting a chone in an actual pair of Chones!!!!