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Friday, March 28, 2008
 
WEEKEND BIG BITES:

We induct 2 new dopplebangers into the WIZZNUTZZ SEPERATED AT BIRTH!!!

The long overdue BIG OILY and LIL STEWIE!

lil stewie pecherov

Thanks Stacy King!

and then insiped by this beauty...

LEDELL EACKLES and SASQUATCH!!

ledell eackles bigfoot
Old NoNeckles walking away all suspicious like he just set off a car alarm!!

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chris webber

C-WEBB RETIRES!

MIKE WILBON GIVES BIRTH TO A WORKING CLASS SON!

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE CONTINUES!



While we r happy there will be another chair at next years black thanksgiving we grieve the loss of CWEBB aka MACE aka GARDENBURGER

IT makes us think about the great Bullets McSalad days of 1998

THIS STORY takes us back!!!

It has it all:
The throat slitting, the My Giant line readings, the "delicate system" of Rod STrickland, the black eye, the DUIs, the controlled substance, the Terry Davis.

Holy Marlene Cooke those were fine times!

When we got CWebb in a trade for eight #1s and Jim Lynams wife, we thought the franchise was going to rise up and he would take us to the promised land. We never had a player like Chris Webber.

So versatile. So charming. SO DAMN SUPPLE!!!!

But it all went so wrong and CWEBB left our city feeling like it had just been raped by a wombat and our hearts grew stoney and we sang along with Fidel Castro and the Beards "We DOnt Need Chris Webber We Got Plenty of Players!" and we almost believed it.

We followed CWebb around the league after he left and he was mostly succesul and popular but never really reached what he should have reached, and even though he was surrounded by Tyra and Nas he somertimes seemed lonelier that a Quiddich fantasy league.

Now CWebb will retire with no rings and will surround himself with the company of his personal collection of African Amercian artifacts, including:

-Eldridge Cleaver autographed 4LP audiobook of Soul On Fire, (narrated by Frank Herzog)

-Rare Phillis Wheatley bobble head doll

-Pair of gameworn tights from the Harlem Renaissance


C WEBB make us an offer for OUR PERSONAL COLLECTION!!!!

Our dream is for you to take the Pervis Ellison Busniess Card on an edutainment tour of americas schools!!!



Show your love for Chris Webber and install the MOOMINWEBBER WALLPAPER today!!!

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PONY UP COLD MOUNTAIN u cheap traiter!!!


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rare ROD STRICKLAND JERSEY MAKES WAVES!

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posted by wizznutzz
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Thursday, February 21, 2008
 
C WEBB RAP! RAP WEBB, RAP!

After this song dropped NAS named his cats "Lettuce" and "Jerome Bettis" and the rest is history!!!!



Check out Juwan Howard cameo! JuHo be like, "YO C put me in yo video reel. Im a strictly bring tha Sherpa Wear son!"

DL THE GANGSTA GANGSTA MP3 AT GOD SHAMMGODS MIXTAPE!!!


Little known fact: The lyrics featured here include "THE INNER CITY STAR HANGING IN YOUR TITTY BAR" which is also the manifesto of C Webb's Time Out Foundation!

This is the debut single from C Webb's (pseudonym!!!) 2 Much Drama album---sad sad, his only one thus far! Dear Mayce Edward Christopher Webber III, please drop Tyra, obtain Pro-Tools, cut more jamz!!! "Gangsta Gangsta" features a sample from the most hard-core, most bitch-slappinest, most drug dealinest, most carjackingest music in the world: Seals & Croft's 1967 cut "Sweet Green Fields." FALL BACK, PLAYA HAAYTAZZZ!!!! "Gangsta! Gangsta!" also features the Young Gotti hissssself, Kurupt!!! This is a career move that cannot be overrated. Phi Slama Jama!

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posted by wizznutzz
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Saturday, January 13, 2007
 
Reminiscing Over Sticky Bacon Days of Yore, or, Getting Caught Up in the Webb

Watching the Wizards in those K-Tel Solid Gold Uniforms flailing awa Friday night against the NOK Hornets, one thought kept returning to my mind: Chris Webber is a free man! As part of their ongoing plan to shed all their good players while getting squadoosh in return, the Sixers bought out C-Webb's contract, and he's now enjoying a penalty-free timeout while assessing his options.

Sure, C-Webb appears headed back to Detroit, where he will attempt to win an NBA title in the face of unremitting enmity from every University of Michigan basketball fan, since his dalliances with booster Ed Martin basically destroyed their program to the point where a Dookie is coaching it.

And sure, like the song says, we don't need Chris Webber; we've got plenty of players, even if the one with actual post moves, Darius "I'm Like A Bird" Songaila, is chilling in the PR with Party John while his disc gets unherniated. So maybe we could use a premium version of the Songbird in our mighty sweep to the playoffs.

But the real reason to bring C-Webb back is redemption. Not for him; the offenses he committed against the law were petty crimes compared to the big-boy felonies now being thrown down by our giants of the hardwood. (By the way, Eddie Griffin crashed his SUV into a parked car because he was ballhandling while watching a porn DVD while driving drunk. Not that this is news, but the fact that it happened continues to delight me.) No, the redemption would be for us. The fans. And specifically, deez nutzz.

The last good Bullets team was that 1997-98 team with C-Webb, and Juwan, and Calbert Cheaney, and of course Darvin and Rod and Ledell and other players with whom we are all on a first-name basis. And what happened after that? The team got scattered to the four winds, and everyone started thinking it would be a good idea to bring in Salieri, and we signed a lot of players named Mike Smith. The attachments we formed with that team, rather than deepening as the then-Bullets ascended into their rightful place in the NBA pantheon, were shattered like so many Grant Hill ankles, and became just as useless.

Yet one of the strongest of those attachments could be rekindled by bringing C-Webb back. The past and the present, joined to lead us into the future! A future full of wins and bacon and arrests for possession!

Plus there are other benefits:

  • Since Webs is now a hip-hop producer, having laid down the track for "Blunt Ashes" off Nas' Hip Hop Is Dead, he can doubtless lay down some Last Poets-style backing for Etan's various slam opuses, as well as turning in some less lyrically dense cameos

  • If Chris returns to Washington, perhaps he'll have another date with this chick

  • Mitch Albom could write a column about Webber returning to Detroit anyway, 'cause that's how he rolls


What are you waiting for, Grunz?

--posted by intern Rex Immensae Majestatis Chapman

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posted by wizznutzz
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