EMAIL!









TICKETS

TicketCity.com is your first stop for NBA basketball tickets and NBA Playoffs tickets. They have a wide selection of Wizards Tickets to choose from.  Call 1-800-SOLD-OUT to secure your seats.
ADVERTISE HERE



Monday, March 03, 2008
 
WARNING!!
WARNING!!
WARNING!!


WHAT YOU WILL READ BELOW HERE IS FOR ADULTS OR KIDS WHO CANT READ ONLY!!

gheorghe muresan

The language is mature, not only will it shock u but by the end you will be telling the world about the time you hooked up with Darius SOngalia on the pile of recalled hamster bedding behind the Towson PETCO!!! FACT!!!!

One of our favorite things to do to kill time when we are not dropping hot incites is to browse around on the TALK SPORTS PRO ATHLETE 'GIRLFRIEND' FORUMS!!!!

Its awesome classy Edutainment!!!!!

Its how we found our intern Dana!!!

Anything goes on this site. There aint no moderation. This aint no ExtremeSkins!

Internets are all about "connections" and this website is a great place for connecting all the feezies, skeezies, hoodrats, golddiggaz, lovers, haters, castoffs, chasers, wags, starfuckers, hoochers, cashed up bogans, bacon geishas and baby mamas that hang around the musty, animal fringes of the Association!!!!

Think of it as an "OPPedia" !

Basically it goes like this:

Lets make up an imaginary NBA player, lets call him "CALBERT CHEANEY"!!!!

OK so first someone goes on the "Calbert Cheaney" Girlfriend page and be like:

DO he got one????

or else they ask

He got a big one????

-then someone say he married to a girl with 2 babies.
-then someone say the girl he married is a skinny mess
-then someone say you just a jealous fake-ass Fendi wearing hater!
-then someone say he married but he still a dog cuz her friend has a friend who is a stripper in Alabama who is doing him and Calbert do crazy stuff in the bed and is on the hook for her car notes
-then someone who is former groupie comes on to give advice to all tha young jump offs bout how the game works and how it is what it is
-then some crazy spurned former girlfriend has a mental breakdown
-then someone quotes a Jay-Z song
-then someone who say they is Calberts cousin gets on and says YOU ALL BITCHES DONT KNOW CALBERT U DONT KNOW WHAT U TALKIN ABOUT CALBERT LOVES HIS WIFE AND KIDS HES A GOOD MAN LEAVE MY BALLER ALONE PLZ U JUST JEALOUS HATIN COS YO MAN SPENDS MORE TIME RIDIN THE BUS THAN YOUR SORRY ASS

Thats pretty much how it goes

The cousin always write in angry ALL CAPS, I think its a side-effect of all the VALTREX

SO WE WENT THROUGH ALL THA MESSAGE BOARDS and

HERE ARE SOME FAVES!!!!

DREW GOODEN:
DREW GOODEN IS SOFT, HELLA CORNY, KISSES LIKE A JELLYFISH AND SNORES LIKE A PIG ON PROZAC, HIS TOES TWIRL WHEN I LICK HIS ******* AND STICK FINGERS UP HIS ***. TRUE STORY.


STEVE FRANCIS:
I been f**king him since about 2000....b4 the wife and all. Its good but the $$ is better. He is a trick and will make sure you are taken care of. Hell I fuck him and 2 other Rockets players. They all trick. The thrilling part is when I go to a function with one and the other 2 are there. But none of them will ever stop fuckin with me...why would they. I dont give them stress to be with me and I dont give a fuck what they do. My bills are paid along with both my car notes. Niggas do it all the time......it my time to shine.

RASHEED WALLACE:
he has a great f**k game too. dont let th grimy look fool u. he smells great and is a clean nigga.... HE CAN KEEP GETTING IT HERE....

DAMON JONES:

DAMON GETS HONOR AS ONLY PLAYER TO POST ABOUT HIMSELF ON HIS OWN FORUM!!! HAHA tru fact

Not only am I the most attractive player in Cleveland, I am the most attractive player in the NBA. If I decide to go out to dinner or a club after a game, you'll never see Damon Jones running behind any women. I don't have to. women choose. If a woman is interested in Damon Jones, she's going to have to pursue me or we will never meet. I don't have to pursue any woman. I have what every woman wants. I'm attractive, I'm charismatic, I'm rich. I'm every woman's dream.'

AND GIRLFRIEND BOARDS NOT JUST FOR THE NBA!

They also Got NHL!

ALEXANDER OVECHKIN:
it's unacceptable to come to america and say you could never date an American girl. Get the hell out of our country. Americans pay your salary--the salary you won't even by a front tooth with jackolatern.

AND THEY GOT THE NFL!!!

TOM BRADY:
Sure you f**ked Brady, just like I fucked King Henry. I agree with the football pants comment: no buldge. And that ass Randy Moss can enjoy that fucking threesome (no pun intended).

AND THEY EVEN HAVE A BOYFRIENDS PAGE!!!


Of course we spent extra time on the WASHINGTON WIZARDS Girlfriend board

We couldnt make this stuff up! well yes we could!

Here are the hi-lites!

ANTONIO DANIELS
He is married with a daugther but he was messing with a stripper from The Pink Pony in ATL. She's white chick name Jessica (AKA Genesis) that was his road wife beasue he used to fly her out all the time and she would go aound the dressing room and show pictures of his dick (that is HUGE by the way) and say that he was going to leave his wife for her. He also messd with another girl there but I don't know to which extent except that the two girls fell out over him.


GILBERT ARENAS
He is going out with this girl who goes to USC. Her name is Amber Horwith. She is mixed but looks pretty much white with red curly hair. If you go to her friend Daedra Staten (another USC girl)


ANDRAY BLATCHE:
Dude needs his teeth cleaned and fixed pronto. I met him and his breath was rank.


BRENDAN HAYWOOD:

he is a cheap nasty ass prick
------
HE IS CHEAP!
------
ok FRUGAL..... and I didnt sleep with him, I got my own. I was saying cheap cause his crib looked like he had lawn chairs for dinner room table!

SO no, maybe not cheap but Frugal. My fault, you cant take your money with you, atleast invest in some nice things for your home. damn



NICK YOUNG:

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

The dick is BOMB, but he laughs tooo much, especially when he **** all up in my *****....hahaha!!!! I'm a wolve in sheep's clothing...Nicky Poo...is upgrading....I have no weave unlike Miss Carol....I wear no makeup, unlike Miss Loreal....and I don't look like a fuckin gladiator, like Miss Hulk....buff ass bitch is probably on steroids, don't be like Flo Jo Hoe and abuse your body till the point of no return....and I don't have a fucked up...grill with too many fuckin teeth in my head...unlike that horse head hoe....LOL. Whatever, I'm having fun, in the sun...and getting paid, in the shade. Ciao.


ETAN:
He is married to poetry and it's possible that Brendan Haywood tried to steal it from him, hence the constant fighting.


DESHAWN STEVENSON:
No she don't sleeps for $40 per night .OHHHHHHHHHHH. that won't full up ur gas tank. that's more so cereal and milk money. Damn plp hypes her up ,I 'm never to crazy about her when I see her out in them $20 fashion eternity dresses give me a headache and them same knock off TR jeans .Wow this can't be a life of a hoe

and our favorite of all:

KWAME BROWN:
All yall Bitches can have Kwame, He has wide ass Hips just like a Bitch. Who wants a cake thief anyways!!!!!


EVEN MIKE WILKS got a comment! It just read:

got cut


But you know who DONT got a post?

DARIUS SONGALIA!!!

No angry ladies. No happy nappies. No babies. No mamas. no rumor no humor no love. no hate. no nothin!!!


Thats embarrassin. Damn even Chris Kaman get comments!!!

SO WE DECIDED TO GIVE BACK and DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS and we invite all our readers to please take:

THE PIMP DARIUS CHALLENGE!!!!!!



We gotta boost D SONGS cred!


"It my time to shine!!! (tm)"

Get on the Darius board, its RIGHT HERE!!!

then go get in brain of a crazy lady, or a crazy dude, or a darius' cousin, or two of the members of Mango and tell world about time you and D SONG did that really messed up thing!!!

We need ONE HUNDRED WHORES TO MAKE THIS DREAM COME TRUE!!!

By time we are done we make Darius the craziest slut, the unicorn hunter, the no-holds barred dirtiest, most dangerous pimp, with wives in every state and babies in every Balkan republic!!! So get going. SPread the word, spread the skruostas!!!

Labels: , , , ,


posted by wizznutzz
OUR FAMOUS MOTHERING HUT T-SHIRTS
PERMALINK | | RSS Feed





Friday, February 22, 2008
 


SUPERFAN EDUARDO WRITES IN WITH A PUNGENT BRUSH WITH FAME!!!!

Wiz had an autograph session for season ticketholders last night. We sat there, watching Buckhantz, Chenier, Walt Frazier, and Dave Feldman make small talk off to the side while awaiting news of who we would be meeting and greeting. Lo and behold, out walks the unwrapped Rolo himself, Brendan Haywood, alongside Dominic McGuire. "Pretty good," I think, even though I was hoping to embarrass Darius Songaila again like I did for the earlier meet and greet.

Now, this is too good to make up…this is about as factual as my recollection can be: as we get near the table, Brendan is telling Dominic where to go to get the "real" price on jeans. It was some big-and-tall store in…Temple Hills? I couldn't quite catch the name. Brendan was like, "Now, listen, you go up to the second floor and ask for [Fruju? Something like that] and he'll get you the real price. If jeans is a hundred dollars, he'll get 'em to you for 90. But you gotta ask for the real price."

Dominic was practically taking notes! Hanging on every word! "Ok…so up on the second floor?"

Then, behind us, someone laid a nasty fart. Brendan covered his nose and repeatedly exclaimed "Good gracious! Good gracious!" Then, "Somebody foul in there. Someone got a mess in their insides. Somebody need to be layin off the dairy, know what I'm saying?"

Doesn't make up for the team not showing up for overtime, but it was a small victory nonetheless.


My bet is they are talking about:

Casual Male XL
5736 Silver Hill Rd
District Heights, MD 20747

(301) 967-9853

Home of the Four X Fioruccis!

ask for Brendans discount!

Labels: , ,


posted by wizznutzz
OUR FAMOUS MOTHERING HUT T-SHIRTS
PERMALINK | | RSS Feed





Saturday, February 10, 2007
 
Their English grammar came down like a hammer!

Left in Brendan Haywood's locker, February 8, 2007:

Brendan Todd
Haywood, clod.
Hey - good God,
This beef you're on
With me, Etan,
Needs to be ending.
Your selfish ways are rending
the fabric of the locker room
'till, like a Strange-love Doctor, "boom" -
our conflict scorches the earth.
Who made your playing time into a dearth
of minutes? Not me.
Coming back from injury,
trying to see
whether my ankle bothers me
as we lose 110 to 83.
You should be incensed
by your defense. Not me.
I take no responsibility.
Yet able will I be
if ere I see
your elbow flying heedlessly.
A pacifist, yes, but that's overseas.
You trying to step? B.T., please.
First I'll yawn, then I'll sneeze.
You haven't seen the likes of these
fisticuffs.

I never seem to have enough.
I'm an angry man. Babies thirsting
for their own self-worth while first-string
players labor just to muff
offensive rebounds, rather than stuff
them down. Why do those babies cry?
They want to see the Wizards win.
That's the only skin I'm in.
Get it to fit comfortably.
Haywood, you just let me be
the shot denier, rebound supplier,
always on fire, taking it higher,
the NBA's best versifier,
E.


Left in Etan Thomas' locker, the morning of February 9, 2007:

The poet-forward once more dips his pen
In inkwells of deep thought - and comes up dry.
Why must we fight this battle once again?
The only Wizard who cannot see why
I get more minutes than you do is you.
You play hard about every fifth game.
The rest, you try to conjure apercus
That will make all the poets speak your name,
Head in the clouds, eyes far from the ball,
An indecisive shot and subpar D.
I reign supreme, and yet you want to brawl.
You and your pen know where to find me:
         In the paint, on the run, or off the glass,
         Believe me: I am going to kick your ass.

--posted by intern Rex Immensae Majestatis Chapman

Labels: , ,


posted by wizznutzz
OUR FAMOUS MOTHERING HUT T-SHIRTS
PERMALINK | | RSS Feed





Tuesday, November 07, 2006
 
Brenda Haywood, you insolent dinosaur, you somnabulent horse whisperer, you desperate tragedy wench!!!!!!
Ba Ba whines about losing starting job to Jah Jah Etanfari, and then he has his sniveling agent make some wimpering noise about respect and fair shakes and how Hay Hay loves to wear pink panties but that he's still tough and fair and willing to play for the Bobcats as long as Salieri "coaches me up like a mule." BIZZZATCH!

But St. Thomas didn't like that Brenda tucked her penis between her legs and screamed, "Put the lotion in the basket!" at EVERY SINGLE PRACTICE, so Tan Tan confronted him and then popped him straight in the milkdud. So Brenda retaliates by body slamming the Poet and ripping out two of his holy dreadlocks. OUT IN THE STREETS THEY CALL IT MURDAH!!!!

It's time to trade Brenda Haywood for Party John Ramos, no. 9 draftpick of the Idaho Stampede. Party John may not have a North Carolina pedigree or any basketball skills, but he knows where people throw down Long island Ice teas and gyals wine dem waists to dem dutty dutty soundz!!! Plus he's got huge soft hands and the ability to say, "Good Job, Etan" from the third row while wearing a suit. Stonehands Haywood has never said anything nice to Etan other than, "I own a cassette copy of Legend. It's average."

Until Brenda is driven out of town on on the back of a mule named Karla Knapfel, WizzNutzz will endeavor to document every sour puss that the cretinous cauliflower makes while watching Tan Tan put up double-doubles in losing efforts!!!

Here's Pinky Pantyther during the opening game vs. Cleveland, looking like somebody just told him he'd have to shave Michael Ruffins' balls at halftime.


And here's Hay Hay Me Me I I Wee Wee during the Orlando game last night, watching Etan Thomas, the mothereffin' poet, pull down 15 johhn y rebs, score 14 anna kornikovas, and cock block 6 sergei federovs!!!! I think he donated money to 17 charities during the timeouts, too!!!

Dear Brenda, Thanks for the support & glowing attitude tonight, you pink child!!! Your 8 minutes of gameplaye rendering 0 points, 0 rebs, 0 blocks, and dozens of turtled penises really helped the team!!!

One final note for the refs: Orlando Magician Carlos Aaroyo has got more flops than Ben Affleck!! In Bill Cosboy "Buck Buck" terms, when somebody hits you lightly on court you should say,"What was that, a mosquito? It felt like a piece of paper" -- and yet Karl Arroyo jumps to the ground like somebody stunn gunned him. FLOPHOSUE!@!!! He's got drunk mickey mouse living in his backside and destitute Donald Duck borrowing money from his soul.

Labels:


posted by wizznutzz
OUR FAMOUS MOTHERING HUT T-SHIRTS
PERMALINK | | RSS Feed





Wednesday, November 01, 2006
 

Brenda Haywood is whimpering because Tan Tan beat him out for starting center. Or more better, his pooptacular agent, Andy Miller, is covering for the pink-pantymaster and crapping out phrases like, "I'd like to seem him treated with the optimum level of respect, and that's not going to happen in Washington. I don't know how this situation is going to unfold." And the dinger von corporal klinger, "I don't know. Maybe [Eddie Jordan] has a problem with my clients."

SO TRU!!!

Coach Sharpie DOES have a problem with Chucky Atkins, Jared Jefferies, and Ancient Anthony Peeler -- all former Wiz who did not scarf a half-smoke so much as ssssssuck it!!! AND YET WZZNTZZ LOVE ALL WIZARDBULLETS EQUALLY AND WITHOUT MERIT!!! Come back, Mon Chi Chi!!!

Still...
Job extension = EJ.
Traded/released = Miller turds.
Score one for the in-vitro farm!!!

Agent Brenda Scarn, seeing that his days on Fun Street are numbered like Tom Knott's days on earth (cholesteral + Moonies = BIG ONE ELIZABETH), has started a side business in conjunction with the VErizon Centre's (english spelling!!!) Executive Nachos stands: HAYWOOD'S HAY HAY ROG'S PINK PANTIES. Available in Steve Blake and Grannie panny sizes.

Brenda Haywood's...
...favorite drink
...favorite movie
...favorite confession

Labels: ,


posted by wizznutzz
OUR FAMOUS MOTHERING HUT T-SHIRTS
PERMALINK | | RSS Feed





Tuesday, October 17, 2006
 
OFFSEASON SNAPSHOT #1

Brendan Haywood!

A few weeks ago Brendan Haywood got invited to appear at edutainment event Sixth National Book Festival and that meant he spent personal time with First Lady Laura BUSH!!!! Never has the franchise had someone so close to seat of power since Abe Pollin was a young vulnerable intern to Grover Cleveland.

Why did they choose Brendan? Because they had Elmo already and wanted someone less threatening!



So Brendan Haywood is at the podium with First Lady and wizznutzz obtain scoop of what was exchanged:

BRendan:
"Mrs. Bush, its an honor to meet you. I would love to have a chance to speak to you further about youth literacy"

Barbara:
"Mmmm Mmmm. Well this Bush loves black people!"

Brendan:
"Mrs. Bush, really i came here to speak about the reading program. Maybe we could talk about if you had a favorite book when your were a young adult?"

Barabara:
"Oooh I like that SUPERFUDGE"

Brendan:
"Thats enough Mrs. Bush. Please."



Wizards Awesome Summer Reading Lists!

Labels:


posted by wizznutzz
OUR FAMOUS MOTHERING HUT T-SHIRTS
PERMALINK | | RSS Feed





Sunday, October 01, 2006
 

When you have small, stoney hands it's hard to do anything on your own, which is why Brenda Haywood always takes a friend into the bathroom with her. The mangina isn't an easy place to reach.

But it was especially scary when Brenda had to make her first appearance in an Easterns Motors ad. She was terrified of doing it alone, like when Brenda has to go in the paint, one on one, against a musty, mossy Shaq, or when she has to single-handedly block a driving Eddie Griffin but he's got his penis out and he's jacking it while offering to buy everyone in the front row a used Honda S65 ("But not the S90, greedy bitches").


But luckily Brenda only had to make a brief appearance in the Eastern Motors ad, and she was supported and surrounded by superstars like Laver Anus Coles (that's how it's pronounced in Madden 2004!!!!), LaVar Arrington, Clinton Portis, Carmello "Snitches End Up in Ditches" Anthony and Detroit Lions RB Kevin Jones, who incidentally was the Mel Farr Rookie of the Year in 2004. And as everybody in Motown knows, fuck an Easterns Motors and call "Mel Farr Superstar for a Far Better Deal!!!"

Check Brenda's Cameo (word up):


Brenda's getting ready for her contract year, so she spent this summer stretching her hands on the rack and moistening them several times a day with God's lubricant. Also, in order to strengthen her paws she's been doing ballet and giving free massages to anybody who asks. ("It worked for Jahidi," Brenda said with an uncomfortable laugh between drags on a Kool.)

Brenda also worked on her confidence this summer by taking an improv class at Montgomery College Community College: "This is Agent Brenda Scarn, FBI! You're dead!!!! POW POW POW!!!"


And she joined Donell Taylor and Constable Hayes in a series of 3-on-1 games versus this tiny manchild in order to build up their collective self-esteem.


All that erotic stretching and play-acting is now paying off because Brenda is starring in HER VERY OWN COMMERCIAL for Easterns Motors, complete with DJ Tittsworth's Baltimore club mix of the company's bangin' theme song!!!!!

And Brenda, never mind what Jared said to you: That improv class totally paid off. Like, in the ad, when you stood up out of that tiny car and said, "You have anything more my size?" we were like "OH NO HE DIDN'T!!!!" And you did!!! Confidence is so beautiful. It'll be so great to see you use your acting skills this season the first time an exasperated Coach Eddie takes you out of a game early!!!!!!

Labels: ,


posted by wizznutzz
OUR FAMOUS MOTHERING HUT T-SHIRTS
PERMALINK | | RSS Feed