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Sunday, March 23, 2008
 
An "ANONYMOUS" tipster just sent us these so-hot party pix of the Wizards observing CURFEW in Miami!!!!

"ANonymous" could be one of tha hot BENCH MOB BETTIES seen in the pix, or as we believe, it was Oleksiy Pecherov who sent them in himself, - the "White Hole" aka "Big Zima" just feelin so proud and tryin to boost his dot.REP at tha same time!!!


oleksiy pecherov nude

Andray Blatche girlfriend

oleksiy pecherov nude

oleksiy pecherov nude

oleksiy pecherov nude

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Monday, December 03, 2007
 
Last week started off too good to be true.

The wiz had won 5 straight games!

The Agent Zero shoe was announced, 18 months after we coined the nickname (18 months! C'mon Adidas, an elephant gestates faster than that!)

Then our site is flooded by fans to catch glimpse of Gilberts quartet of surreal, solipsistic short films, which are like a lowtop battle between the Cremaster Cycle and the Princeton Offense!!!!

And to top it all off, Gil admires our Nacho Cero sneaker and suggest collab!!!!

But then the other shoe dropped. No not the limited edition Ike Austin/Laughing Cow collab CheeseCleat(tm), but the newz that Gil would be gone 3 months!!!!!!!! and the sun boiled and the wax melted and our wings fell away and we plunged back to earth screaming "Naaaaaaaa-choooooo o o o o o o o o o o.............."

We were desparate!!!!

we visited Jamie Motteram, our pastor at Christian Laettner's Divine CHurch of Machosensual Science, but when he answered the door his face was streaked with Kiehls product and tears, he didnt need to speak his grief, his overplucked eyebrows told us everything!!!!

We called our sponsor, Agent Steniz for counsel, but we just got the machine, it was Brandon Lloyds voice saying: "Sorry, my man Steinz cant come to the phone right now. My boy's too busy hi-liting passages from his old copy of Bridge To Terribithia and muttering to himself like some crazy motherfucker."

With our personal Patch Adams support team in a state of emotional breakdown, we did the only thing there was left to do:

We initiated the official Wizznutzz Doomsday Countdown(tm)!!!!

We worked quickly and methodically and without emotion executing the preparations.

Darvin was recalled from the Albuquerque Thunderbirds.
He asked coach Ruland on the way out: "Do one thing for me Jeff. I want you to take care of my Momma OK Jeff" and Jeff said, "of course I will! Do I know you?"

By nightfall Circuit City was burning, Wizards team physician Dr. Barry Talesnick lay dead (he struggled WAAAY less than former trainer Steve Stricker!!), we had opened the specimen cages at the Abe Pollin In Vitro Farm, and we had moved into the backroom, slipped on our rare 4-pair of matching Jimmy Oliver gameworns (really, they are rare, Jimmy only played in 3 career games!), and slipped on our matching white sneakers, Adidas Gil II Zero X Customize (August wrote latin profanities on his with greasepen!), then we vaccinated Dana, and moved into the Mothering Hut with our tins of tainted meat, crimping pliers, a case of Capris Sun, a staple gun, a bale of jute woolpack, and Ledell Eackles...

and just as we were about to seal the door we paused and we thought....wait...

"What would Gil want us to do????"

and so we aborted the doomsday countdown (we just took the batteries out of the Simon machine) and broke up with our girlfriends and and fired up the Colecovision!!!!


THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!!!!!



(Speaking of breaking up with girlfriends, it seems from his blog that Gilbert has something of a hands-off approach to parenting as in "get your hands of my mansion walls you weird little deadbeats!"

"Now she's back in California. You ask for space, you know, because everything feels closed in ... the house is dirty, the kids are drawing on the walls and on the couches and you're thinking, "Oh man, I can't do this. I'm not playing well and I'm coming home to all this."

RULE #1 KIDS:

DO NOT DRAW ON GILBERTS COUCH! !!!
Gilberts couch is his bed is his throne is his home is his thinking place is his office is his Halo temple is his suede womb

We understand its hard gilbert, concentrating on your career in piece and quiet when you have to deal with the ruckus of your girlfriend taking care of your kids on the other side of your 28 room estate, so we have open offer to you gilbert:

You wanted to Collaborate with the wizznutzz, here is your chance!

Let us Raise your children!!!!!

We will turn the Wheaton Plaza Circuit City into a CIDER HOUSE RULEZ!!!!
we will home school your kids gilbert and you can trust a good education of the finest in EDU-TRAINMENT(tm) available that will teach them unique skills that only we can teach them:


like how to not look GROKE in the eyes,
and which Florida area strip clubs have a No Overcoat policy,
and most vital: How To Melt Cheese in The WIld!)


ANYWAY......

We were disconsolate and feared the team was cursed and we feared total collapse from the Wizards, but like The Who album is called:

"THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Not the music album, but Pete Townshend's personal Flikr Album!!!!)

The last week has had many good games, lots of points, lots of discovering hidden talents like Caron's new threepee skill and Brendan Haywoods new skill of calling timeouts everytime he gets double-teamed.

There have also been lots of games against teams that have lots of Eurpoean talent, and european talent means lots of bony white guys with lesbian haircuts!!!!

I dont see that much pasty skin in a Hamburg youth hostel!

There was game against Charlotte Bobcats and Walter Herrmann aka The HARLEQUIN HAMMER!

For Bobcats its not just euroze with the bad hair, check out that bench: Dudley, Davidson, McInnis - no wonder they cant win games they too busy braiding each other!!!! And Not even Emeeka Mouse could help the BKats cuz there are 9 words all wiz fans know spells victory:

"And MacInnis checks into the game for defensive purposes..."!!!

Then there was Golden State with ANdris Beidrins and Kosta "Kostco" Perovic. Some say "Goin Foreign" is great for the NBA but is it?? David Stern gets 10 million eastern european eyeballs (not to mention the foreskins), but all we get is this:



Then there was Memphis Grizzlies with euro-paeons Pow Gasol and our old friend and filthy greazy spanglish bear chaser and turncoat and former Wizard Juan Carlos LA BOMBA Navarro.

oh "La Bomba", oh Por Favor!

Taking one look at JCN i know they should call his Madre "La Bomba" for hitting the sangria so dam hard during the pregnancy. I never seen such an advanced case of Foetal Alcohol Syndrome!!!



JCN was born with flippers for arms AND a five-o-clock shadow! Thats one hairy preemie!

And then there was a so sweet upset of Dallas in Dallas against the Great White Wurst Dirk Nowitzki. Superfan SASHA send us a awesome story about how this offseason DIRK went on a soul searching walkabout in the outback with an old "mostly bald" German mentor (provided in xchange 4 Qantas frequent flier points) so he could satisfy his wanderlust and arouse his Weltanschauung.

"He had come this far... surrounded by sagebrush and stiff yellow grass... "

And that was just the first day having a shower at Andrew Gazes!!!!!!

The article talks about how Dirk went to australia, (fun fact: did u know "austalia"= ABoriginal word for "Floating Turd"???) so he could follow ancient aboriginal tribal rites of "walkabout" ("loitering") . In aboriginal history, they say aborigines had "SONGLINES" which were songs and music that had codes in them that told the history and also mapped out their land, so they could hear the song and find their way home, kind of like how hidden inside Nils Lofgrens' "Bullets fever" is a Hot Shoppes locator map, if you just know how to listen right.

WE r winnin and grinnin bcuz All of the players have stepped to fill Gilberts production!!

Caron Butler spent the whole offseason camping with Brent Price in the mountains and when he came back down he was curious about so many things, but one thing he was most curious about: how he could now shoot tha 3-ball like a white baptist!!! Not only is Tuff Juice draining threepees like The Rature was a WNBA team, he is still the teams toughest ballers. Tuff Juice is like The Equalizer

"Got a problem? Odds against you? Call the Equalizer."

Meantime Antwan "Antawn" Jamison is scoring for 2 men. Ive never seen such an amazing variety of looping layins: Runners, Floaters, Finger Rolls, Tear Drops, Giant Killers, Soft Bombs, Rainbow Pots, Chip Shots, Silver Horseshoes, Hanging Judges, Til Tuesdays, Tender Mercies, Creeping Cheesewheels, Raised Eyebrows, Drag Chutes, Broken Slinkys, Randy QBerts, Johnny Reboulets....

"Soft Bombs", "Rainbow Pots" "Randy QBerts"??.....

hey is this basketball or Christian Laettner's bar tab?!?!?!?! hahahahah

Its all about the amazing footwork he has. i havnt seen such lithe urban improv since Bob Fosse directed that Unk video!

Twan credits his heavenly flexible ways to taking up yoga in the offseason. Fortunately he didnt take his classes from former bullet and current plainclothes yoga instructor Kevin Duckworth, who teaches unique trademark yoga poses such as the "Flipped Tortoise" , "Corned Beef Salutation" and "Accessing The Hollywood" !!!

Meantime the young gunz are growing faster than recalled wet season CHia Pets in a Bangladeshi warehouse.

ANdray Blatche is like some kind of ninja iguana!!!

With his big lidless eyes, his low heart rate, his sly blending into his surroundings until the rock comes buzzing by and then THWAAAP!!!! out comes the tongue!!! out comes 2 tongues , two arm tongues, he can block the ball and taste it at the same damn time whatta creature!!!! when hes not like a ninja iguano hes like those giant dancing air puppets u see at car dealers, you know, like "MR EXCITEMENT", or "ACURA BLUEPUFF" or "LOGO TUBE" or the mysterious "COMMODORE...."!

Plus Andray Blatche has studied in the Japanese art of "AKIMBO". Kwame Brown was a master of Akimbo. Its the ancient technique of physical discipline where you can make your body parts too fast for your own mind!!

Nick Young: yo we call him "JANSPORT" .
we just started csalling him that today. WHy do we call him Jansport? We call him Jansport because he has been asked at a young age to shoulder a heavy load, and because when you see him he has a bounce in his step and lots of youthful NRG but you can see he has lots of homework he has to take home and because whenever he is on the court, for better or for worse, you know someone is gonna end up getting schooled!!!

Darius Songalia has amazing hands and feet for a man who is built like a gamey slab of elk meat. He is like a reindeer carcass that has been enchanted by a lithuania sorceress!!

Oleksiy Pecherov: When I see the team clownin with Big Oily in videos like this it makes me think of the retarded kid character they have in nostlagic movies about italian americans growing up in the 50s. The other kids tease him sure, they get him to steal them candy, and they laugh at his slowness but they also love him and treat him like a real person in a way that science doesnt and show it by pooling their allowance and getting him a nice hooker played by an uncredited Marissa Tomei.

And finally the fearsome Brown Hornet, Antonio Daniels.
My Man!
AD is so old school. He is fearless and attacking, with a lurchy churchy swag, he is man who is throwback to days when black man walked through violence and chaos on the corner every day. He flies into the flagrant fire, then struts to the foul line with his badass ethiopian profile like he just slayed a tiger, like hes emerging cool from tha flames of a race riot with the sign around his neck that reads:

"Black Owned Business"

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Saturday, September 29, 2007
 
WIZZNUTZZ SUMMER FILM SPECTAULAR!!!


Our summer vacation is coming to a close. We have been on a long hianus but we are riding americas great bus system to come home to you!!!!


It has been a quiet offseason for the WIzards. Even for Agent Zero oh except for building ONE MILLION HOMES!!!!!!


But the new season is gonna be hot , hot like "Staff Party Hot" at Royal Bengal Restaurant, hot for us and hot for Agent Zero.


He showed us his TAKEOVER 08 "TO DO LIST" and i can tell u now its got some whoppers!!!
We cant spoil the planz yet, but heres a sample:

Gil unveils plan to stop Global Warming!!!!
Our tip: if you got stock in Airship International, double down cuz someones gotta build those ONE MILLION BLIMPS!!!!

When we move back into our offices at the Wheaton Plaza Circuit City we expect all the big TVs to have the damn football on them.
We hate football these days especially in Washington football .

We have a coach who don't care about harvesting nuts because he's waiting for the rapture when all the white man from Houston and suburban VA will all fly up to heavan to be with Jesus and David Duchovnys naked ass , while we all suffer down on earth stuck in an eternal drive-time slot with Doc Walker.


And why is everyone so high on Jason Campbell already??? Why r u so blind so loyal?? Did Dan Snyder lure Leni Reifenstahl out of retirement??
People all say how much poise he has for "standing up in the pocket" .. Its like Chris Rock says : " You SUPPOSED to stand up in the pocket you low expectation-having motherfucker! !!!!

One thing we are very happy thouigh, is when Redskins signed SUFJAN STEVENS as their kicker. We love his poignantly observant play, and we love the Sadcore open mic nite he hosts Tuesday nights at Greveys. Last week I wept on my poppers when Shar Pourdanesh uttered the lines "I died a miniature death" .. SharPo was showing some serious ASSonance!!!!!

I also am so tired from all the Football Analists and Incite-men on the pregame shows. I have never seen so much ill-fitting Van Heusen since John Feinstein's Bah Mitzvah!!!!!

Jaws is just yapping and yapping away and no one has heart to stop him or tell him that he the place he bought his his glasses at - Anne Klein , that thats a store for women!

JAWS:
"Yes well Tony, every team has divisions in the the lockerroom but ultimately whether that team wins or loses depends on how they are able to put those differences in perspective on Sunday morning and win some football games. I'll tell you a story, when I was a rookie in 1977 and Carl Hairston had this thing where he would walk around the lockerroom naked after a game, eating biscuits. And he would get biscuit crumbs all over the shower floor and make a real mess and a lot of guys weren't happy about it but they weren't about to say anything to big Carl."

TONY:
"HA! Carl Hairston eating biscuits? Well at least it wasn't JERRY Hairston eating biscuits!!! Right Jaws???"

JAWS:
Right Tony! So I'm looking at Carl and I'm thinking, wow I haven't seen a naked black man eat in the shower since I was a kid growing up in Lackawanna and my family took in a guy who worked at the lumber mill with my dad and who had hit a tough streak. Next thing I'm thinking to myself: "You know, I think I'd like to take off my clothes an eat biscuits too" but I was a rookie and you know, the thing about naked rookies is, some guys are just going to take that the wrong way,that's just the way it is. So when it came down to it in the end, I had to make the call that so many young men have to make in a pro football lockerroom : "Am I gonna be a gay biscuit eater or am I just gonna' be a naked guy eating biscuits?"

And if i want to watch football games I want to watch football, not RACIST ROUNDTABLE, like when on MNF the guys are broken up about Andy Reids sons Britt and Garrett being in trouble with the law and saying their hearts go out to Andy and its every parents nightmare and "There but for the grace of god go we".....

Are we talking about the Same Britt and Garrett who ON THE VERY SAME DAY in different places on the earth where people were minding thier own business and living their lives and rushing to the post office with innocent joy to get the package of duty free whitefish that their finnish friend had mailed them in individual Media Mail pouches covered in salty stamps that featured the great "CIVIL RIGHTS LEADERS OF FINLAND" and then in one car comes Britt, high on blow and aiming a loaded gun at people while gentle Garrett spends the morning shooting smack into his fat neck, oh you know smack, its that drug the Taliban makes!!! so he can get the courage up to run a red light and smash into someone and then back to Brett who gets anxious waiting for trial starring at the peeling Fatheads on the wall in his dads mansion so he gets loaded and does some more blow and gets back into his car for a another round??!!!!!

You mean THAT Brett and Garrett????? Thats not Andy Reids worst nightmare, thats everyone else worst nightmare right. Hey we all miss our fraternitys, all that sunburn and nerfball in the halls and unreported date rapes guys, but really now!!! Lock em up Rusty!!!

Then not 5 days later I hear the guys on Fox NFL postgame telling Donny McNabb , who by the way gets called "N***er" by his own fans - that he should "SHut up and play" and not bring up "race" . Tru fact.

ENUFF OF THIS CHINO POWER PROPOGANDA!!!!!

As For Our SUmmer, Here is What our Interns Have been Upto:

DANA:
Was last seen cashing a huge check from Travis Henry, slapping down a $1000 bill at Apollo Liquor store for 2 Bottles of Cristal and a tube of Blistex.

AUGUST STRINDBERG:
August texted us 2 weeks ago very excited because he was in Stockholm for the film festival doing nonstop pressers for the new HIP HOP FILM BASED ON HIS LIFE!!!!!

He didnt have time to talk much but he emailed us this photo of him enjoying himself at Gotland Spa, geeting all galenskap with local rap stars like Looptroop, Snoopy and MC Tim

august strindberg

KEN:
Ken has been spending the summer at Luray Caverns. He wasnt part of any tour or anything, he just wandered and found a dark hole and climbed in. He missed the mothering hut!!! When i saw him a couple days ago the duct tape that we had tied around his head to protect his ears, like they do to rugby players , it was almost all gone!!!

DARVIN:

Darvin is a proud new SON!!!!!!!!

Thats right This spring while awaiting trial for fraud and disrespecting a luxury automobile, Darvin's Moms, former Saginaw Mayor Wilmer Jones-Ham married CURTIS McZEE!!!!! No, not Curtis McZee the popular Scottish music video director, but Curtis McZee the Deacon at the Hams chruch!!!
A Deacon yes, AND ALSO A BAILBONDSMAN!!!!

Miss WIlmer Jones-Ham-McTorchy-McZee is very ambitious politiically, she is like Lady McZee MacBeth , and Darvin is worried that she is up to something like that time she used playing cards to hypnotise Michael Adams for 7 years!!!!


JAARKO:
Our intern Jaarko spent his summer doing his usual job as Herring boy at Borga Segelsallskap Yacht Club and called me to tell me he was flying home to "Dull" Virginia and to pick him up, and I said "you mean 'Dulles' Virginia?" and he said "That is right 'Dull" Virginia, haha!!!" its on old joke he plays that never gets old! But then I hear this meesage on my phone yesterday:

"My friends I will be late coming to America, for the problems I have at airport. When I am in transit lounge I am eating my pickled fish see and reading in magazine of how Kiefer Sutherland is making his muscles so big while I am waiting when the lady tells me to eat my fish somewhere else please, so I go into airport toilet and close door to enjoy my snak and then man next to me, he is also in toilet, he taps his feet next to me and wave his hand under the wall that is between us and he coughs and I think I know what he means, for he wants me to share my snack with him!!!! And so I put a big cold smelt in his hand and say "a big treat for a big man!" Then when they call for my plane I am going to check in and I am pulled aside and a man in a uniform put his wand under my robes. This slows me down and I'm not even to security yet!!!! Finally I am here at security now and they are now asking me questions about forms I give them. Maybe you know what is problem? They ask me about any "genocide" and I tell them I have medicine from National health for it! And they ask me about what I doing in Finland and now I am showing them!!! Wait and now some more men are coming to me now, they have moustache like me but also angry face I dont understand what is happening...... hullo men!.... wait no do not doin that to me men.... no please, no, DON'T TASE ME VELI!!!!!!!"

that was end of message!!


ANYway, we spent our summer Watching All The Big Summer BLOCKBUSTER MOVIES!!!!

We saw Marvin Brando's new movie "CAPS FOR SALE 2: PEDDLER DEADLY" . David Foster Wallace was great as the voice of the Monkey. I didnt know monkeys could play tennis!!!

Then we saw the Tyler Perry movie: "BLACK STEREOTYPES SAY THE DAMNDEST THINGS LORD!" Also it was awesome!

And we saw the directors cut of Ken Burn's: "FRANKFURTERS!" !!!!!

And our favorite of all was the #1 big budget summer comedy with Robin Williams and Eddie Murphy called "BIG RED FONT!"
It is outrageous! but not as outrageous as how that genius Tom Shaydac can turn $200 million dollars into an air conditioned afternoon of laughs!!!


HERE ARE SOME MORE SUMMER MOVIES WE HAVE BEEN ENJOYING!!!!


CAPTAIN KANGAROO'S BIG SECRET

If you ever wonder why our intern Jaarko can afford so all those courtside seats and top shelf Cloudberry liquer is because he earns royalties from his Uncle Espoo Ruutu who was a "friend" in hit Finnsih feltcore band "Fredi and Friends"
Jaarko has lots of movies of his uncle because he is so proud.

Our favorite one is Fredi and Friends performing "PUMP PUMP" at the 1976 Eurovision finals. Thats Espoo on the keyboard!!





Espoo also got monies for writing the song "Sata Salaama" aka "Eye of the Reindeer" in 1987!!!






MANUTE LIVE!


We first discovered Kenn Kweder's amazing BALLAD OF MANUTE BOL last year when we put it on GOD SHAMMGODS MIXTAPE

Its the greatest pub song ever made. It was briefly the national Anthem of Ireland!! and Radar magazine said it is on Joseph Fiennes celebrity iTunes playlist!!!!

Manute and Steve Guttenbergs new movie isnt out ill next summer but meantime we discovered Kenn Kweder performing The Ballad of Manute Bol LIVE!!!!!






SWEET MY GIANT B-REEL!!!






YOU KILLED AGENT ARENAS!!!

Wizznutzz have exclusive footage of Gilbert Arenas (screen name "Agent ARenas") playing Halo with his Final Boss teammates!!!
I havnt seen an owner taking on his own team like this since ABe Pollin beat Kevin Porter and Ricky SObers at the annual Cap Center "Pollock 4 Poorfolk" imitation crab eating contest!!!

You can hear Agent ARenas groaning alot, thats cause hes getting whipped, and hes getting whipped because he spends the whole game in a corner challenging Avery Johnson to a one-handed grenade throwing contest!!!!






WELL HUNG AND SNOW WHITE TAN


Exclusive footage of Darius SOngalia and the whole Lithuanian mens basketball team getting happy, getting naked!!!
The team gets paid so little from the Lithuanian government since they spent all 2007 fiscal budget financing Tyrone Nesbys rap career that they had to make ends meet by performing in a mobile all-male review. Who wants to change a tire!!!

I havnt seen so many happy naked men since I caught my dad backstage at Tap Dogs!






ANDRAY THE PLIANT

After Andray Blatche got caught trying to put the BJ back in Benjamins he promised he would swear off Hos once and for all!!!



So we caught up with 'Dray this summer laying low, staying away from ladies of the night.

FIRST WE CAUGHT UP WITH HIM STAYING AWAY FROM LADIES AT "FLIRT" NITECLUB ON K STREET!!!

DeShawn, Gilbert , Caron and Rog Mason came along!!!




Is that Stephen A Smith at the 2:08 mark???

THEN WE CAUGHT UP WITH ANDRAY AVOIDING THE NASTY AT 2AM AT SPANK NITECLUB!!!!



DOnell and DeShawn and Twan and Carlos Rogers were all there! SO was Andrays sex rehab sponsor FRED SMOOT!!!





IS ANTAWN IS THE FASHION FORWARD SMALL FORWARD or what!!!!



We will forgive the Yankees Hat 'Twan, because we know u just wore it to match your navy tanktop!!!! Check out that thick piping!!! Hey who invited King Louis XIV's poolboy????!!!!!




O-TOWN IN SNO-TOWN!

Hot new rap video from an underground ALASKAN Hip Hop group called, really,:

"THE CHARLES OAKLEY PROJECT"







THE ORIGINAL JORDAN MULES

Speaking of O-Town, we enjoyed watching him eat cheetos and slapping around the David Beckham of Finland: Scottie Pippin, in an the awesome new documentary "THE SEED OF SALIERI" that charts the roots of Michael Jordans narcissism and bitter jealousy.

We r introduced to the original Jordan Mules, whom MJ calls "My Pigeons".

We r introduced to Michaels gambling, his greed, his bullying.

But the star of the movie is a young Doug Collins.
He reveals for the first time his homoerotic intentions for young Salieri. In a series of candid, confused, darkly cliche monologues we see the young sycophant, the wily, hungry, fawning swain with the crooked smile. There is much forshadowing of the relationship to come, you can see coach Collins realises how special this moment is, to meet another younger, more gifted, more admired, more self absorbed man, and fall in ugly love for him, and have a once in a lifetime opportunity to feed off of his glory like a filthy lake-bed snake.

Psychanalists say that the desire to live vicariously through the anchievement of others is a common symptom of fullblown narcissim. One psychoanalist called "Dr Sam" wrote a book about Collins and MJ and he called in "THE MALIGNANT HEART"

"Narcissism" is the substitution of a False Self for the True Self. This, arguably, is the predominant feature of narcissism: the True Self is repressed, relegated to irrelevance and obscurity, left to degenerate and decay.

Horrified by the absence of a clearly bounded, cohesive, coherent, reliable, and self-regulating self – the mentally abnormal person resorts to one of the following solutions, all of which involve reliance upon fake or invented personality constructs:

The Appropriation Solution – This is the appropriation, or the confiscation of someone else's self in order to fill the vacuum left by the absence of a functioning Ego.


Another thing that is causing some serious foreshadowing is Dougs perm!!

With that hair and that grafic print argyle Doug looks like a keyboard player with tha CHuck Mangionie band!!!

PART 1





PART 2

PART 3

PART 4:


Featuring the unforgettable line:


"Michael will you come here a second so we can kiss on TV"!!!







FORMER BULLET GREG BALLARD IS RUNNING FOR MAYOR!!

Time for a cool change! Screw Bart Peterson!







RONELL AND DONELL!






THE BARD RHYMER!!!

Wizznutzz readers know we have been championing the hard rimez of Etan Thomas for a long time.
Even intern AUgust Strinberg admits etan has flow!

We published an exlusive never before seen poem

Now we have awesome HOT HOT video of one of Etans live poetry performances!!!!

You can watch different parts

HERE
HERE
HERE
HERE


But our Favorite slam is "TOYS 'R" US KIDS"






Man check out all "mmm-mm-mmm-uh-huh-yes" COUGARS in that crowd!
Poor 'Tan!! Cougars with degrees in AFrican American studies are the scariest cougars of all!!! Cuz they are PROUD COUGARS! These aint no Sisters of The Yam son and when they get u home they gonna want to see what your oral skilzz are REALLY about, u know what im sayin!!!! theyll invite u back to their place at the Private Estates at Musty Downs and work u hard. U be coming up for air, the P Cougz be like "Did you hear me tell you you could stop?? Get back down there Levert, what do you think you doing, bobbin for apples???!!"


INTO THE MILD aka
THE MIKE RUFFIN BIOBLITZ!!


I know when you hear "Bioblitz" u r like us and think of Juan Dixon's new line of anitseptic deoderants but this is much bigger, much better than that!!!

Our FAVORITE summer movie by far is this documentary about Micahel Ruffin leading an ill-fated expedition of inner city children throuigh the wilds of rock creek park!!!

Ruffin set aside his crippling fear of squirrels to enter the muggy thicket like an urban crocodile hunter, wrestling isopods, rescuing fawns, fondling snake, calming a disoriented Calbert Cheany who stumbled from the undergroth complaing of "bad berries"

My favorite part is when the lady says:

"(Mike Ruffins) children are the next generation of stewards of the National Park Service"!!!!

Take that ice caps!!! Ranger Ruffins are on the case!!!

So very very very very very much more on this movie later in the season!!!








PPPS:


Congratualtions to Jamie Mottram who got an awesome new job at YooHoo!!

Jamie said they only had one question at the job interview:
"SO it's true youre REALLY not a virgin!!?"

Good luck Jamie!!!!
We LOVE YOOHOO!!!!
The original "Chocolate Rain"!!!!!!


PPPS:

Last 48 hours to get your $5 Off at MOTHERING HUT!!!!

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Friday, August 03, 2007
 
WIZZNUTZZ OBTAIN CRIME SCENE PHOTO OF ANDRAY BLATCHE ARREST!!!

Insider reports Dre defense is that he was just "testing the market" and only expected negotiations of BJ 4 Benjamins to go as far as arbitration.!!!

andray blatche

We spoke with wizznutzz Intern-At-Large DANA of late 90s Postgame Call-In SHow fame about the case because she is an expert whren it comes to "solicitation" and she says it is no big deal and that sometimes a mans gotta "Pay 2 Play" and she claims trading sex for Capris Sun coupons is not a crime in Louisiana for whatever thats worth !!!!!

You maybe saying "whats a machosensual millionaire need to pay money to cop Good Cop from Bad Cop????" Maybe he watched too much late-nite Cagney and Lacey when his young body was changing?? Or maybe it was just an IMPULSE PURCHASE - u know, like when you linin and dinin at the express checkout at Giant Food with your deli meat Party Platter and next thing you know you stuffing Duracell gold tops and an electric lollypop down your drawstringz!

With Dre getting collared by the Hill STreet Blues, and Lonnie Baxter trying to cap the Prez and Darvin Hams moms blazin her Benzo, its time we updated the Wizznutzz Rap Sheet!!

One thing for sure, Donnell Taylors laying low, knowing how he and Dre like to "share" ladies:

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Thursday, October 26, 2006
 


Gott ist tot! Dio e morto!
LONG LIVE GOD!!!

WizzNutzz miss the Manchild, aka He Who Shall Not Be Named. He was the savior of the Wizards, the divine mule who defeated the demon Salieri. When Jehovah was expelled from the holy land, it brought fear to our hearts, and as much as we love and squeeze Tough Juice, nobody can compensate for deicide.

But hope is not lost, for when the beautiful brown Hyacinthus was killed by the mustached Apollo, a flower sprouted up from his blood. That wounded flower hath been reincarnated in the shape of young Andray Blatche. Regard his heavenly box score from the Wiz's last pre-season game. In 32 mins, the Manchild Nouveau had 4 pts., 0 blocks, 6 johnny rebs, and 7 TOs. That's right, Andray dropped Terrell Owens SLEVEN TLIMES!!! That sign was exactly as the Book of Revelations prophesized: "As dark clouds hover and vegetation wilts, as floods destroy and winds howl, as wars are fought by berserkers and slaughters drench the soil in blood, God will return with vengeance, smelling of shrapnel and butter. Let him lift and drop the dark soul of a cowboy 7 times, breaking open his rounded, orange, synthetic head so that the rancid bile flows throughout the lands, killing the devil which hath infested itself in the capitol."

WHOA! Our very own Lady of Fatima moment!!!

Welcome to the new lord ubermench, Bhagavata Blatche!!!!!

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