10 pounds of herpes resistant catifsh and a brand new mixtape!!!
On the mixtape was this super-rare madness "N.B.A. RAP" thats icin like tyson!!!
....The greatest Baller song of all time that dropped into the AM waves with tha heavy authority of a Greevy's potato skin about the time that Agent Zero was first pawing at Gil Srs linen blazer for a fruitfless teat!!
Shoot. Swoop. Loop Da Loop, Ya take Caldwell Jones to the hoop I said Slam. Pow. To hear tha sounds of the swish of the nets from the turnaround
To give the game all that I got, To never miss a jump shot To capitalize on their mistakes To run and gun on the fast break
Its the greatest rimes since Samuel Taylor Coleridge aka "STay COld" freestyled:
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan A stately pleasure-dome decree: Up jump thee boogie, To thy boggie to thee boggie do be
I know "Hurt em Bad" name sounds like some early Nine-Os New Jack Swingaz, but you better smell yourself before ya Ledell yoself cuz:
'NBA RAP' is vintage 1982!!!!
82!!!! Its like the first rap song ever! All the Kidd n Play Creationists right now be saying "Wait, there were black people in 82??!!!"
Back in 82, rap was young and still experimenting: like a young college freshman David Stern when he moved into his dorm and met new roomate Randy Pontz, the physically confident, sexually adventurous jew warrior from new Paltz with his long legs and short towel 82! Yo to get a sense of how old skool that is, check it on our Hip-Hop NBA timeline:
-2 years before LeBron James was born!
-3 years before Larry Blackmon wore his codpiece outside of the house for the 1st time!!
-4 years before the great Helen Reddy appeared in Fat Boys movie Disorderlies!!
-10 years before Gheorghe Muresan made the Guinness Book for owning the baggiest pair of denim jeans in the world, then set another record that same summer for wearing them backwards at a Kriss Kross concert!
-12 years before Brent Price lost his respect and wife to brother Mark in a heated breakoff
-16 years before "CWebb" released the Gangsta epic 2Much Drama
-22 years before Tyrone "T-Nez" Nesby danced on stage with Peasants and New Democratic Party Union candidate Kazimira Prunskiene at a Lithuanian political rally!!
Its a cautionary tale about the villagers of small hamlet called 'Cleveland' and a magic mule and greed and the savage burden of expectation and sudden fortune, and shows us all that even in timez of great despair, man can find comfort in the redemptive power of bacon.
I wrote this rhyme in 1998, but could not find a beat to put it to. Now, thanks to the miracle of home computer technology, song-crafting capabilities are Logitech desktop microphone. I give it to the Internets because, as Bob Marley sang, 'In this great [Washington basketball] future, you can't forget your past.' Plus I get a Get Out of Mothering Hut Free! Card for such unabashed suck-uppery. Right, Darvin?
posted by God Shammgod |
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Thursday, November 16, 2006
We love Manute Bol! Ever since Kevin Bacon stole him home from Africa. We always say he is like Sudans Muhammad Ali, but without the strength or integrity!
And Kenn Kweder is like Philadelphias Janis Joplin but without the fame or the 14" mechanical penis!!! Everyone loves The Ballad of Manute Bol! Brad Pitt dropped Jen like a sack of coal when she wouldnt let him play it at the wedding and it was briefly the national Anthem of Ireland!!
Who's that man over there who s so incredibly tall? Who's that man who can block the shots as high as city hall? Who's that man when he enters a game the other team goes outta control? Who's the greatest basketball player in the game of basketball? Manute, Manute J. Bol Oh, Manute! Manute J. >Bol Oh, Manute! Manute J. Bol Oh, Manute! Manute J. Bol
Peter "Party John" Ramos aka Peter non Colpevole aka Virgin pete!
He only started balling when he turned 14 and his ice skates no longer fit. He played 4 years in the Puerto Rico leagues before the Wiz drafted him in the second round in 2004. PJ spent most of that year handing out towels on the Wiz bench and trying to fend off the advances of G-Wiz, and he spent most of last year buying meaty sambucas for co-eds in Roanoke. In october 2006 the 7'3" hardwood vixen was released.
After Abe wandered in and gave him an "MVP cake," Party John slipped on his platform shoes, put on his shiny jacket, and took that long walk down Fun Street one last time. He then got sidetracked by the Spy Museum and fell asleep in the School for Spies exhibit.
During pliant trouser challenges of 2k6 playoffs versus Cleveland Wizznutzz rallied the hometown fans with music, just like a poor mans poor Nils Lofgren, and we got 2 superfanz to remix our instant classic "Queen james" and they delivered major HAMSLAMZ supremez
Being the BLACK PRESIDENT AND Agent Zero means Gilbert loves political music -- and not just from the crusty-punk axis of power!! He loves revolutionary songs of the SOuth African anti-apartheid fight so much that the he still won't play Sun City!!! (We're not talking Phoenix, Tom Knott!!!)
This song was originally written for Nelson Mandela by South African pop star Brenda Fassie, who has great taste in BLACK PRESIDENTS!!! Murderous dictator Charles Taylor in Liberia notwithstanding!!! She would have surely loved Gilbert, for though he is an ASSASSIN, he's a good-hearted assassin, like The Professional or Elektra or John Cusak in GRoss Point Blank!!!
Brenda Fassie was known as the "Madonna of the Townships" -- right up until she overdosed on cocaine and fell into her son's arms! Tragic!!! G-Wiz and Jerry Stackhouse had a similar incident when they tried to spend a 9th day in their weeklong beach house rental and a coked up G-Wiz kept lighting himself on fire and inhaled the burning fumes from his polypropelene underwear. He collapsed in Stack's arms, but luckily Stack was wearing MAN TIGHTS which kept his groin warm whenever G-Wiz's hand strayed so he was able to carry his lover all the way to the Holy Cross hospital in Silver Spring. THAT'S RIGHT, STACK RAN 800 MILES FROM THE OUTER BANKS WITH A TEAM MASCOT IN HIS ARMS BECAUSE HIS MAN TIGHTS ARE THAT IMPORTANT TO HIM!!!
posted by God Shammgod |
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Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Acoording to Agent Zero'z MySpace site he likes the rappers: MY NIGGA "GAME" MY NIGGA"FABOLOUS"MY NIGGA"LIL WAYNE"AND I FUCKS WITH YOUNG GEEZY
Dana's fucked with Young Geezy, too, but that was after she dropped a roofy-Cialis combo into his Cris and rode him like an old mule!!!
What Gilbert, aka The Black President, doesn't tell people on MYSpace is how much he LOVES the anarcho-punk scene of early 80s britain!!! Seriously, Gilbert has every single Crass album with ORIGINAL posters in mint condition. And the first time Gilbert did "The Bad Touch" was to a sketch of Eve Libertine he bought off a down & out Steve Ignorant!!!