TOMORROW ADIDAS UNVEILS "GilTV.COM" AND 4 DEVASTATING NEW SHORT FILMS STARRING MARVIN BRANDO, NACHO ARENAS AND AGENT ZERO!!!!!!
THERE ARE NO WORDS TO SAY NOW EXCEPT: WHEN DID MARIO VAN PEEBLES START FILMING MY DREAMS???
ITS AMAZING WHAT CAN BE ACHIEVED WHEN YOU TAKE THE GREATEST BASKETBALL PLAYER ON THE WORLD, THE CREATIVE POWER OF ADIDIAS, , MATHEW BARNEY'S SPARE LOBSTER SUIT, AND SOME STRIKE-BREAKING WRITERS FROM UCLA FILM SCHOOL!!!!
The last week was a big one for the wizards and they rolled out of the nest and got Eddie 4 shiny nuts for the harvest!!!
But it was only last week i was reading angry comments about Gilbert on the websites that made me so sick i couldnt even swallow my morning Sparxx n Beans.
ANgry sports fans throwing Gil under the RideOn, yelling how Gilbert needs to 'shut up' and 'stop blogging' and 'stop talking this and that' and 'just win games', saying "show me something!" like he is your mule and you are his brayman on tha hill and you think u can abuse him and that your disgust will make him work harder for you.
Well I got some questions for those fans:
Are you Abe Pollin? What have you ever done for US??? What do you know???
Are you working as a Junior commission salesman at the Mens Warehouse, measuring the thighs of Rockville Pike men , so you can save up for a Sports Management correspondence degree from that school you saw a commercial for when you were watching Outer Limits reruns on FX at 2am and bitching at the screen about the cheap special effects??? Is that what you are thinking about on your lunch break after you get your Blimpies card stamped and r on hold waiting to talk to Scott Jackson on your fucking Bluetooth and u r having a smoke outside the Mall, are you thinking about all the changes you would make on the team if you were running things, like trading Brendan Haywood for Kevin Garnett, and more minutes for Nick Young, and more minutes for Dominic McGuire, and more minutes for Juan Dixon, and firing that black coach and playing defense and moving the team to Germantown??? WHy do you even cheer for the Wizards? Why dont you just cheer for the Celtics already?? You already cheer for the Patriots. You started being a Patriots fan 3 years ago when you decided the Redskins werent hustling for you enough and not giving Skip Hicks enough minutes and you didnt need that shit anymore. Now you call beers "Bruschis" its so clever you and your pals should get a espn show, maybe Bill Simmons would come over to your townhouse and make lists of Best SPorts Movies with you and you guys stay up all night arguing like pals.
Why do you think Gilbert Arenas owes you anything? Gilbert arenas doesnt owe you shit. hes not playing for you. hes not playing for your money. you think Gil has been up all summer practicing that cool new behind the back pass he does til 6am with some poor MCI parking attendant because you bought a $40 4 ticket family plan and sold the other 3 tickets on the internet???
Name me one player on the Bullets or Wizards in the last 20 years that you would trade Gilbert Arenas for, straight up. Name ONE!!!!! You got 20 years, take your pick. And no, you can't include the expiring contract of Llorenzo Williams!!!!
WHy are you so ready to throw a first stone, didnt u learn anything from the bible or Footloose??
IF you want an EVEN STEVEN then you got the wrong team my friend cause this team lives and dies by DONNY DUWATCHALIKE. If you dont like inventors why are you still shopping at Sharper Image, why dont you go next door to Sears where they have more reliable warranties but the Pepper Shakers dont have built in flashlights??? If you want the top dog then you got the wrong nature documentary cause gil's the craziest bird the the bush, hes the crazy little bird with the puffed up feathers doing the weird dance and building a bright blue nest out of old Connect Four chips and trying to mate with a bear. Gilberts the real Coq Diesel, the Spartist, The Creator, The Vagina, and make no mistake DC ball is Gilberts Cabaret and if you find the show too queer why dont you find a place full of joyless fan-bullies like yourself who spend all day cheering for a frontrunner and calling up talk radio to argue about rosters -- its called Staten Island!
For the rest of us, this weekend was a great and special time, because Gilbert announced on his blog that he now yells out "NACHO!" before each shot he takes!!!
You know, like Nacho Libre? Yeah, so every time I'm shooting it, it's just: NACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Serving chips and dip.
This is so extraoridnary for so many ways.
We are extra excited about it at Wizznutzz, because we gave Gil the Agent Zero name, and in a way we gave him the name NACHO too, because fans have been hearing us yell out NACHOOOOO!!!!! at games for 10 years!!!! We are yelling NACHOOO! from the minute we walk in and we are yelling it at tip off and we are yelling it to the final horn . We are yelling it at the mexican restaurant thats run by the chinese people we go to after the game. Its called "Yummy Taco" but Cheniers Ghost calls it "Fuzzy Taco". We are yelling it on the subway on the way home, and the next day we are yelling it at children in playgrounds! And now when u strut your nachismo Gilbert, we r your backup singers!!! We are your Pips! We are your motherf*kin Range!
You will see from the site that Nacho Arenas is described as a "sound editor" but that doesn't tell the story.
we will tell you the story though!
Nacho is indeed a 'sound editor' but that sound is his voice.
Because Nacho Arenas is Mexcio's premier African-American voice over artist!!!!!
What does it mean? It doesnt mean he is african-american, it means that he provides all the voices for black actors when they dub american movies into spanish to show at mexican theatres and the mexican airplane!!!! He is the only mexican who can do authentic african american dialects. Many mexicans try, but after they all do the same monologue from Good Times at the audition the director is like "Get me Nacho Arenas, Holmes!" So whenever a mexican sees a great modern black american actor on the screen, they are seeing Morgan Freeman, or Denzel Washington, or Don CHeadle, or Bubba SMith or Reggie Theus, they are SEEING them but they are HEARING Nacho Arenas!!!!
What is also amazing about his story is how his life story mirrors so much of Gilbert Arenas story, as you will see. Just as Gilbert dreamed of being in NBA all his life but is still amazed to be there in the Association, so did Nacho have dreams and now thanks the lord when he walks down the carpet roja at the Mexican premiere of Money Train!!!!
Nachos story started like Gilberts, when he was a boy with little means and chances and growing up in difficult times.
Nacho Arenas was a boy living in a small farming town in southern Mexico where he raised fighting roosters with his Mom and Dad.
It was a simple life.
Nacho would wake with the sunshine each day and go out into the farm and try and make the chickens a little more murderry and insane that they were the day before.
He was good at angering chickens to be sure, but it was not his dream.
Then one day his life would change, when a famous American Actor called MARVIN BRANDO came to visit their small town because he was doing research for a new Werner Herzog movie he was filming called "The Savagery Of CHickens".
When Marvin Brando came to town everybody was so excited!!! especially Nacho's mother, she was so excited that when Marvin Brando left, she left with him as his new girlfriend to go to America!!!!
All of a sudden Nacho Arenas Sr. was left to raise his son Nacho Jr all by himself.
When it came to breeding cockfighters it was really Mrs Arenas who had the real special gift. Her fighting breed, the feared "Chickity-Choco" was undefeated but when she was gone they lost their will to fight and so Nacho Arenas Sr slaughtered the whole flock, and he and Nacho Jr buried the caracasses and loaded up the Volkswagon Beetle and drove to Mexico City where Nacho Sr. would pursue his dream of being a Mexican soap opera star. But his dream didnt work out too good and Nacho Sr spent most of his time making ends meet taking a job hanging the second upside down question mark on mexican movie marquees.
He had very little money and couldnt afford the schools for Nacho Jr, so Nacho taught himself how to read by reading the only book he had.
It was also the only thing he had to hold that had belonged to his mother. It was very very special to Nacho.
It was the novelization of the 1980 movie "Stir Crazy" and its cover showed a black man in a chicken costume who looked hurt and Nacho imagined that was him in the chicken costume, and because it was once his mothers book young Nacho read it and reread and reread it some more and slept with it under his pillow and wrote "¡Morio Marvin!" in the margins. He started to read it aloud and one day a scout overheard him doing the Richard Pryor voice ("Oh no, I don't want no cheesburger!!") and next thing you know he is discovered and famous and fast forward to last year when Nacho Arenas Jr was given a lifetime achievement award by the Meixcan Academy Awards for voicing all 33 characters in the spanish language dub of smash summer hit Norbit! Although in mexico it was called by its spanish name "Norbít".
Pretty incredible story i know.
But not as incredible as the top secret bombshell we have for you today!!!!
On his blog Gilbert also talks about his new limited edition kicks coming out soon.
Well we have an exclusive preview of a very special new shoe!!!!! How did we get it?? we cant say, but it involved some shady dealings, dealings that may become more clear next time Calbert Cheaney tries to use a credit card!!!
We'll keep it secret no more, ladies and gentlemen,
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Weve had a nice few days of no basketball, -- those games r such a damned distraction!!! You think anyone remembers the final record of the 1993 Bullets team?? No! all they remember is the fun off court stuff like how Calbert Cheany got his drivers license and Don Maclean hired Kid n Play to host his big 25th Birthday bash!!!
Thats why we love Agent Steinz asking the questions everyone else is to ashamed to ask!!
Like this awesome post where he asks Big Oily about wearing fur coats.
In the full interview Big Oily talks about how he got his first fur when he was 8, which is common for russian boys, but as he started growing so fast his family couldnt afford to buy him new coats so when he had a growth spurt they just went out back and slaughtered another sable and sewed it right on to the coat sleeves!!! It wasnt sables ofen, just whatever was around out back and moving too slow to avoid the rake, and it depended on how much he had grown, so if he grew just a little it would maybe be the pelt of a field mouse or a dead possum they found on the road. By the time he hit 7 foot u could study Big Oilys coat like u study the rings of a tree--- you could chart his growth in the mangy quilt!!!
We also liked how Agent Zero hamslammed Beth SHoals and his Strayer College smarts!!! Agent Zero is getting tired of the backlash and doth backlash a little himself - "Et Tu Darkus???!!!"
But as great as these things are to life, they are not even close to greatness of what you will see next.
What you will see now is...
The Greatest...
Piece... Of...
Sports memorabilia....
OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!
Holy Finger-licking Jesus, the wizznutzz are now in possession of a genuine, rarist of rare, 1986 CHURCH'S FRIED CHICKEN MANUTE BOL SPUD WEBB AUTOGRAPHED PROMO 2-PIECE WITH BISCUIT BOX!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes we have gotten many amazing Bullets collectibles in the mail before, like the grilled cheese sandwich with Ledell Eackles face on it, or the disturbing card Dennis Wilson gave Stan Love on his 14th Birthday, or Jim MacIlvaines unbaked All-Star cake, or that piece of Kwame Brown's foreskin and we have also gotten fried meats in the mail before like our Bacon of the Month deliveries, and our Xmas "PORK-o-PENO" Yule Loaf we get each year from the Ramos family (they drop it right off at Circuit City loading dock with a truck dolly!!!) but we never thought we would get one holy item that combines both our passions so perfectly!!!
It was destiny for us to have this, from the minute it left the box company to minute it passed under the ashamed pen of manute bol until it arrived to us. The creation of this manute bol chicken box as one of those rare and powerful symbolic moments in the spirit world, a prophecy, like the birth of an albino buffalo, or eclipse of the sun, or blood running out of Virgin Pete's' eyes!
What we like best about this Box is fact that it looks like Manute signed it "MATT BOL" !!!! Is this just his famous low-self esteem guiding his hand, or is Matt Bol his secret deep cover Sudanese resistance code name?? Matt Bol the American "salesman" who spends alot of time watching CNN???
What we also like best is how on the back it says that the "MANUTE BOL MEAL" is a single chicken leg and one thigh. Thats it??? Thats the Manute Bol Meal??? No wonders he couldnt keep up his playing weight in the offseason!!!! He had to make up all the calories with packets of Sweet and SOur sauce and endless Pibb refills!
Even tho its tru we have the greatest collectible ever, you can still get something pretty damn good yourself right now on eBay:
best thing about an athletes GAMEWORN pants is u know you are getting something unique, but u are also getting the sweaty intimates of a man you admire!!! Its very exciting!! Why sport a chone when you can be sporting a chone in an actual pair of Chones!!!!
Our friend, the SKIN WALKER SALIERI, has emerged yet again from the Ozymandian ruins of his legacy, aka "The Little Old Man Who Lived In A Shoe" and returned to the NBA, this time as a part-owner of the Bobcats. Jordan wasted no time and hired his go-to crony Rod Higgins to oversee the team. Don't think it stops with Rod. Rod Higgins is a gateway crony! Pretty soon Sally will have stocked the organization with yes men and mules. MJ will soon get his hands all over the team. He will get his hands on their money, he will get his hands on their wives, and ultimately he will get his hands on their souls.
PROJECTED RECORD: 0-82, DARKNESS, MOTHS IN THE RAFTERS
14. PHILADELPHIA 76ERS:
The Sixers have struggled to find an identity in the post-Iverson era. We have said it before: dangerous things can happen in power vacuums, like Nazis and Rod Strickland!!! This team is young and raw, learning about its body, still getting boners in the carpool.
COACH MOST LIKELY TO BE MISTAKEN FOR THE STOIC CRYING INDIAN FROM THAT OLD POLLUTION P.S.A.: Maurice Cheeks.
ROOKIE WATCH: Thaddeus Young. He maybe be a new face in Phili but he is already a household name in Japan from his single-malt scotch commercials.
PROJECTED RECORD: 29-53
13. INDIANA PACERS
In late 2004, the Pacers franchise suffered what is known in bee-keeping circles as "Complete Colony Collapse." Most experts attribute the phenomenon to a combination of a toxic hive and Al Harrington's mites. The team has still not recovered from the infamy of Aubernica. Years later, it feels like the Pacers' reputation is still up in those stands, taking a beating from Ben Wallace's brother. Team officials quickly identified Ron Artest as a locker room cancer. They also discovered 2 cases of locker room herpes, multiple cases of locker room ennui, and a case of locker room Restless Legs Syndrome. It's a very serious condition.
POSTIVES: The front office praises the intelligence of recent addition Ike Diogu. League scouts rave about a video on youtube that shows Digou solving the Rubiks Snake in under 3 minutes.
NEGATIVES: The team was alarmed by Shawne Williams' recent arrest for marijuana possession. Police are also investigating the discovery of a rape bar and Siamese fighting fish found in an aquarium leased to associates of Williams.
PROJECTED RECORD: 30-52
12. ATLANTA HAWKS:
This team boasts 6 former #1s. Hey so did Cyndi Lauper's 'She's So Unusual'!!!
KEY OF THE OFFSEASON: Zaza Pachulia made the big switch to filtered cigarettes!!
PROJECTED RECORD: 34-48
11. NEW YORK KNICKS:
In the offseason, the Knicks proved once again why they are Manhattan's last remaining ghetto!!
After the embarrassing Marbury/Intern sexcapade and Isiah Thomas' gruesome sexual harrasment testimony, James Dolan sent around a gender-sensitivity memo titled "Gs Up, But Hos Up Also."
OFFENSIVE KEYS: Eddie Curry and new addition Zach Randolph can run with anyone on a given night, while Nate Robinson looks to lead the league in stabs for a second straight year.
KEY OFFSEASON DEVELOPMENT: The hilarious television pilot "Doubting Thomases" in which Isiah Thomas and Clarence Thomas trade jobs for a whole season. Clarence Thomas takes over the Knicks and immediately segregates the lockerroom, promises to make opponents "respect the bench," and gets a local italian restaurant to sponsor new uniforms for the whole team. Meantime in DC, Isiah overturns Muller v. Oregon (1908) and in a 'very special' epsiode, gets Ruth Bader pregnant. Co-stars: Marla Gibbs!
POSITIVES: Great subway access.
KEY OFFSEASON MOVEMENT: Peter Vescey's face. Now in its second season, the cosmetic surgery is finally beginning to settle.
BEST PLACE TO SEE RONALDO BALKMAN ORDER HOT SAUCE WITH HIS TORO TATAKI ROLL: Nobu.
BEST NY POST HEADLINE ABOUT THE STEPHON MARBURY/INTERN AFFAIR THAT NEVER RAN: "A LITTLE COITUS NEVER HOITUS!"
PROJECTED RECORD: 35-47
10. MILWUAKEE BUCKS
Rookie Yi Jianlian is taking more time than expected to adjust to the cultural differences between China and Milwuakee. His body is still adapting to the local diet of potato skins, and he is confused by people constantly asking to see his "Mowgwai".
Bucks fans have been disappointed with Yi's tentative play in the post. But really folks, if you got your center from China, you got to expect a little lead in the paint!
KEY TO SUCCESS: The bench, which includes former Wizards Michael Ruffin and Awvee Storey, as well as Royal Ivey, which was the leading cause of infertility during the Middle Ages. Ruffin's rebounding will be a welcome addition to the team, as will his ability to safely and humanely trap a wild raccoon!
WEAKNESSES: Building a tream around Andrew Bogut is like building a sitcom around Shirley Hephill. Bogut gets paid more to kick less ass than Steven Segal!
PROJECTED RECORD: 37-45
9. MIAMI HEAT:
The Miami Heat are like one of those luxury Richard Meyer condos popping up along the South Florida coast: shiny, expensive, and trendy - sure - but ultimately a cold and cynical operation where the residents never talk about the dead bird carcasses that litter the sidewalk.
It's not the glamor ticket it used to be. Sure celebrities still show up, but now they show up out of pity, like they show up on Byron Allen's Entertainers!
SPECIAL ROSTER EXEMPTION: Awarded to the Heat when Criss Angel, visiting practice for a television special, turns Smush Parker's fingers into 7-Eleven Big Bites. (Poor guy eats 3 of them before he is restrained.)
KEY TO THE SEASON: Injuries. D-Wades shoulder, Shaq's knees, Alonzo's rage. Watching this team is like seeing a S-Class with a busted muffler that some dude has reattached with duct tape.
PROJECTED RECORD: 41-41
8. ORLANDO MAGIC:
THE WHITE GUY THAT THE PRESS DOESN'T FIND THREATENING: JJ Reddick. Reddick posesses great court senses. Especially his sense of smell. Also his sense of regret.
PROJECTED RECORD: 42-40
7. NEW JERSEY NETS:
KEY OFFSEASON MOVE: Kidd "Vicious" separates from wife Nancy "Joumana" Spungen, looks forward to beating people off the dribble instead of beating them off the neo-italianate sofa.
WEAKNESSES: I'm not saying Vince Carter isn't a real man, just because he has his own line of interior furnishings at Pier One Imports and bought the Caroline In The City Season One DVD for all his teammates.
BEST PLACE IN THE NEW JERSEY AREA TO HIRE A WHITE BUTLER WITH EXPERIENCE IN MAINTAINING GAMEROOMS: The Butlers Guild
PROJECTED RECORD: 42-40
6. CLEVELAND CAVALIERS
This offseason coach Mike Brown sat down with owner Dan Gilbert to discuss the future of the team. After a few minutes they went up on Mike's roof and smoked some cigarettes. Then they played some Tecmo Bowl and Dan showed Mike a pair of ladies underwear he found on the bus. Then they went to Applebee's and Dan told Mike that they have a dessert called "Buttery Quim" and tricked Mike into telling the waitress that he'd like to try some. Then they ran away before the check came laughing and rode their bikes over to Dan's house where Dan said "Hey lets play Pockets" and Mike said "I don't wanna play Pockets you always win when we play" and Dan said "C'mon it'll be fun." The rules of Pockets are easy. Two guys play it, and each guy gives the other guy whatever is in his pockets, a straight trade. Keepsies. When the game was over Dan had won again. He had Mike Browns car keys, wallet, cell phone, a roll of Certs, a pair of 20-sided dice, a picture of Drew Gooden's wife, a Levert cassingle and some loose unmarked pills. All Mike got from Dan's pockets was a mushy, warm, travel-sized block of Philadelphia brand cream cheese. "That's not fair!," said Mike. "It is so fair." said Dan. "It's not my fault you are a retardo who plays Pockets with me when you know I got the shallow pockets. Shallow pockets is how I got to where I am today. Shallow pockets is why you are Mike Brown and I'm the guy who is driving home in Mike Brown's car."
WEAKNESSES: LeBron James. Only a few months removed from the NBA Finals and The Queen wants even more power. Now he's making demands of ownership and arranging the marriage of Ira Newble to a well placed Austrian Royal.
PROJECTED RECORD: 44-38
5. TORONTO RAPTORS
With a roster that includes Jorge, Carlos, Jose, and Andrea, Juan Dixon is actually one of the Raptors' oldest players. And their cleanest!
PRINTEZIS, GIORGOS: Is a dish of cold octupus, sea salt and lemon parsley. Delicious!
OFFENSIVE KEYS: The starting backcourt of TJ Ford and Anthony Parker like to push the ball up the court. They also like to bounce the ball on the ground, and throw the ball at the basket and touch peepees in the team huddle.
WEAKNESS: The team name. What were they thinking when they named this franchise? It seemed trendy at the time, but now it's just dated and obscure. I mean really, who has heard of 'Toronto' these days??! The Brand is everything. Like we say, if Hermes made bacon, even the Olsen twins be weighing 300lbs!
PROJECTED RECORD: 44-38
4. BOSTON CELTICS
Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen: some people call em the "PGA Tour", some people call em the "GAP Band", we call em "PG KRAP"!!! Basketball is all about chemistry and everyone knows chemists work best in pairs: Watson & Crick, Curie & Becquerel, Honeydew & Beeker.
Still, basketball fans around the country are excited to see what will happen when The Truth, The Big Ticket and Ray Ray get on the court together. And then what will happen when those guys leave the court and "Superbug", "Scabbers", and Gabe "Aint Nothin' To It But To" Pruitt come on the court. This team is as lopsided as Charles Barkley and Amy Winehouse on that episode of "MTV Seessaws"!!!!
PROJECTED RECORD: 45-37
3. DETROIT PISONS
Detroit is a magic city where former Bullets and Wizards have gone for years to find new life, reinvent themselves, and discover special skills they never knew they had. Richard Hamilton, Chris Webber, Rasheed Wallace, Darvin Ham, and now Jarvis Hayes. Neighbors have complained of Llorenzo Williams sleeping on Joe Dumars' front lawn, crying out "Heal Me Joe! Heal me! Touch these knees of Satan!"
MEDICAL CURIOSITY MOST LIKELY TO REPLACE RASHEED WALLACE'S BALD PATCH IN THE HEARTS OF FANS: Cheikh Samb's tail.
PROJECTED RECORD: 50-32
2. CHICAGO BULLS
Trade rumors flying around, contract extenions in hot negotiation, non-stop press scrutiny... Chuck Klosterman can assemble a mixtape with less anixiety!!!
A certain type of older white American male loves to cheer for teams like the Bulls. They say it's because the Bulls play "team basketball" but really it's because when they see Scott Skiles screaming abuse at young black men, they confuse his bitterness with character, and feel a coarse, emotionally-estranged nostalgia for the cold superintendents of their childhood, disciplinarians who found unfulfilled glory a better-fitting suit than glory itself, who froze these men in their youth and offered them the sober comfort of an easily navigated future of authorities and ranks and respect and time served and an escape from the confusing and inconvenient urges of freedom and self-determined abandon. (We aren't that type though. We are the type that sees Scott Skiles as a stout bitch.)
PLAYER MOST RESEMBLING A PLAYMOBIL TOY: Kirk Heinrich.
PROJECTED RECORD: 53-29
1. WASHINGTON WIZARDS
TO WATCH FOR:
Nick Young suspended for 3 games after he is caught smuggling plates of turkey out of the Wizard's annual charity thanksgiving for his friend Jamar.
Antawn Jamison's deepening mid-life crisis. Ernie Grunfeld expresses concern with the amount of time Jamison spends rollerblading with Jazzy B from Soul 2 Soul.
Oleksiy 'Big Oily' Pecherov, tries to get into the silly spirit of the lockerroom, brings powdered donuts to practice, and then laughs as he tells all the guys how he replaced the powdered coating with Polonium!
DeShawn Stevenson unveils new tattoo. DeShawn's tattoos are always the subject of much talk. They are something of a barometer of black urban authenticity. If you were to chart the trickle down flow of black slang, from OG to Opie, from its blackest conception until it reaches the very last white person on earth, it would travel something like this:
Fig. 1 THE FLOW OF BLACK CULTURE
Phrase first uttered by someone's cousin in the Marcy Houses projects Has a street drug in Philadelphia named after it Mentioned in a HOT 97 shout-out Becomes the nickname of a local player on the Lenox Ave. courts Is tattooed on DeShawn Stevenson's back Is spoken by an actor called 'Peebles' in a John Singleton film Is used in a Sportscenter catchphrase by Linda Cohn Is explained to Charlie Rose during an interview with Savion Glover Becomes the title of a new Will Smith album Is used in a Sportscenter catchphrase by Stuart Scott Is quoted in front of the office snack machine by a co-worker recounting last nights epsiode of Home Improvement
Gilbert Arenas winning 5 Emmys for 'Gazo the Pranksta'. In an effort to steal some of the limelight, David Schwimmer shows Billy Bush his "pouch".
During a halftime ceremony of the March 11 game vs Milwuakee, the Wizards officially retire Michael Ruffin's shorts.
PROJECTED RECORD: 82-0 81-1
--------------- --------------- SPECIAL BONUS INCITES!!!
Intern Lamont Trellington's "NBA PINK BITS":
Storyline of the Year: New England area fans are aroused by their new lineup, and could be poised to continue shattering all records for most annoying and homoerotic region of sports fans. But remember this, all of you chowder-swilling, same-sex-marrying yuppies: you can't spell "Paul Pearce" without "Antawn Walker!"!!
Player to Watch: Hiram Fuller has been optioned from the Charleston Lowgators to the Florida Flame. He should be considered a deep sleeper for your NB "keep it on the" DL fantasy leagues!
Rookie to Watch: Greg Odan. Wilbon's top pick from day one , this guy has all the tools and has looked incredible in the preseasons!
Coach on the Hot Seat: Jim Lynam. He is on his last legs with the 76ers since coming back as an assistant coach in 2006. Rumor has it that Jimmy the Rat has been mailing it in with regards to mediating a locker room blood truce between Calvin Booth and Shavlik Randolph. He also has been assigned to train one-on-one with Kevin Ollie on off-days, but everyone knows that Kevin Ollie has been dead for 10 years!!! It is like a bad sequel to Weekend at Bickerstaff's!!
Citizenship Award: Agent Zero. Steve Buckhands' excitement is palpable, as the Connecticut Schools of Broadcasting won a spot in Agent Zero's "Scores for Schools" campaign.
Most Cakeworthy: Caron Butler never got an all-star cake last year, although he rightfully earned one. Look for Abe Pollin to be hitting the kitchen for Caron in February.
Stadium Jam of the Year: "Bolaz Out / Bye Bye Bye (Mace Webb remix)" - this dynamic mash up of T-Nez and Justin Timberland's hit club tracks is destined to be rocking MCI centers new speakers while the lovely G-Wiz gyrates all over the new city-financed LED screens
Happy Trails: Donell Taylor, we never got a chance to say goodbye. Now you are off to star in series of Olsen twin-inspired detective musicals with brother Ronell, "The Adventures of Big Money & Small Change".
