Friday, December 23, 2005
OH BOy so muich incites coming after xmas. we will be gathering round the big screen at circuit city with Kens Holiday Pomnoisettes (they are anit-psychotic!) in our festive rex chapman gameworns contemplating meaning of jesus and mitchell butler and drinking Sheed brothers cinabon PRUNO
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
SO many incites in the brain not even coolabah wine reisling can quiet. (Unless i inject into penis, then the pain reminds me that Im alive)
But meantime when wiz were playing CBullzzz and their coach Skott Skiles aka THE STOUT BITCH the other day. Tragic! (When the feeling’s gone and you can’t go on its TRagedy)
and I was thinking of when of the best days in my life, that time LBoogie hit ANdres "Dirty SOuth" Nocioni in the NUTS!!!!!
How sweet that was right.
SO that made me think about Andres and the bulls series and thsat made me think of a
Saturday, December 10, 2005
VIDEO GAMMZ PLAYING BIG IN WIZZ FORTUNEZZZ OF LATE
So washington post last week had scoop on how GIL Arenas was all tired out not froom balling but from boxing, XBoxing that is. When it comezz to XBoxing Gil is champ, like Max Schmelling with better frame rate. America is coming to love Gilbert for his charmingly inappropriate constitution. Asbergers Syndrome is swedish for "TETRIS BRAIN". When he leads the offense down the court he sees tumbling pieces and sorts them into spaces but then the CALVIN BOOTH piece comes tumbling into his view and there never seems to be a hole that will fit the Calvin booth piece. We all know the feeling: we try to sleep and we see Calvin booth on the back of our eyelids.
Meanmwhile against the Pacers the other night, the wiz D was like Foxy Brown playing missile command. Wiz backed off the pacer bigzz like they had bird flu. But I love Jermaine Oneals head , its like he was going faster than speed of light in Lexus space convertible and stuck his head out the sunroof and when he pulled it back in, casue of einstein physics laws, his head was reversed in time -- while the body aged the head returned to a soft deepspace infancy.
I dont want NO more talk abouit Eddie Jordans "PRINCETON" offense, cause there is none. No back doors, no passes,no spacing, no white guys. The sharpie vapors from Coache's drawn-on hair are fogging his brain. Theres no caoching at all.In the huddle, coach gathers the boys around and just giggles to himself and sometimes does his Austin Powerz impression and calls Jarvis hayes "Tootie"
And More video games...
La Sooz is whoring Brendan haywood again! Wiz running promotion where you can pay $40 to play video games and winner gets to play one on one Madden 06 against B Hay. Not so fair right casue Wiz get all the cash then you have to play Madden vs BHay who has natural advantage cause he has small childs hands and can grip the controller too easily. But he has a weakness: wizznutzz tip: in Madden BHay relies on one play: "Counter Load"!
Madden promotion will at least be better than 1984 "Bushmills Wes Unseld DIG DUG Challenge". Wes couldnt even beat first level: he would just dig down to the corner and sit there and wait to die! As for the Qyntel Woods Nintendogs dogfighting tournament: totally NOT endorsed by NBA.
posted by wizznutzz OUR FAMOUS MOTHERING HUT T-SHIRTS PERMALINK |
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Wiz stop the bleeding last night against Cahrlie Villaneuva and the T Rapzz!.
Gilbert was chickity choko the clutch money chicken and Constable Hayes was a civil enforcer and "Chevy CHase Bank Player of the game". The "Lower Ninth Ward Dairy Queen Associations Player of the Game" went to the Black SMoothie: Andray Blatche!! The BlatcheKey Kid isnt faster than a speeding bullet but he is nubile & supple and the most pliantly machosensual manboy in theez parts since HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED. AB had his most meaningful minute since that discovery in the bath in '98.
The Raptors are an easy W though, especially with Jose Calderone, aka "The Spanish Fly" running point. Calderone is Spains most prestiguous chaser since Vasco de Balboa first pursued native Bears in the new world.
With Calderone in town it meant that Gilbert Arenas Senior was at the game but he wasnt their to watch his son, he was their on important stakeout!!! As we reported here many times, Gilbert Senior was an extra in 1st 2 episodes of Miami vice, and even tho his role ended in 1984, psychology specialists at his custody hearings testified he has never emerged out of character since those days. Calderone was the south american drug lord in Miami VBice that killed Tubbs brother and ever since Rapotors signed Calderone from spanish league, Gil Sr has being living in Toronto "deep undercover" as "Ronaldo Tumms" hanging around low life areas of the city like strip bars and illegal card games and fleabag motels and the Dominos on Dennis Way. He is hot on calderones trail for vengeqance. Gil Sr leaves his own trail. Its a trail of garlic sauce.
Canadian authorites are aware of Gil Srs movements but leave him alone because they say:
"Mister 'Tumms' hasnt done anything illegal. Unless wearing a soiled white linen blazer with sweatpants is a crime"
posted by wizznutzz OUR FAMOUS MOTHERING HUT T-SHIRTS PERMALINK |
Big homecoming for local favorites Steve Blake and Juan Dixon!!
It was great seeing Juan launching midcourt threepees and great to see him doing it for the opposition. Its like if you dump youre girlfriend and she tries to get u back by rooting your best mate but jokes on him cause shes got gonny and a dirty barrel. But thats only a metaphor right cuz we know one thing Jaggers Dixon dont roll with is germzz!@!!.
AFter the game he embraced glibert Arenas then ran off court to burn his jersey and rub his body with a pumice stone cause Gil runs with dogs and probably has Toxoplasma gondii which you can also get from eating raw meat so NO HUGS FOR CHUCKY ATCKINS aka HOBO CHARLIE!!!
Poor JDix, signs with portland, cleanest city in the US, and even gets private use of team microbiologist, then ends up sharing a locker room with the Human Tapeworm!!! DTapes gets longer and wrigglier while the team wastes away.
Steve Blake said how great it was coming back to DC, even after the abuse he suffered all those yearzz in the Wiz commuinal shower aka 'Mystic Rivers'. So why was he all Smilezz???? Because little stevie has STockholm Syndrome is why!!!
ps We asked our Scandanavian intern Jarkko Ruuto about Stockhom Syndrome and he says in Stockholm its just know as "The Syndrome" or "Anstalt Kräkas" (Homesickness). Most popular holiday in Sweden (after Christmas and Last Day of the Ponies) is "Forkommen Själ", a week "of stolen souls" where kids around Sweden line up to wait for department store Plågoande, who is a beloved skinny captor figure in olive trousers and black balaclava, and when your turn in the line comes, Plågoande takes you and blindfolds you and takes you into a back room and leaves you for a week at end of which you leave him a present.
