WIZZNUTZZ PRESEASON REPORT PART ONE!
"Flip Saunders brought in hypnotist John-Ivan Palmer, "the World's Fastest and Funniest Hypnotist" for some team building. Palmer called up members of the Wizards onto the stage at the team hotel, and among the players that fell under his spell were Nick Young and Mike James... According to multiple Wizards, Nick Young was the most entertaining, galloping around the room on a baloon like a horse."
OK JohnIvanCarterPalmer so you r pretty good. Your bio sez u are the "son of a nationally succesful banquet entertainer" and that u \ wrote "The Origins of Mesmeric Death" aka the 2008 Wizards Media Guide. Thats nice sure but hypnotizing Nick Young is easier than Al Gore hypnotizing chickens. Its like taking a baby from a candyman who has been hypnotized to think his children are chunky bars.
But Flip brought in John-Ivan instead because they were old friends from Minnesota where he was Flips wingman. And John-Ivan had some pretty good tricks up his sleeves.
We know J.I.P. had Nick Young galloping around the room, but here are some other amazing feats he did to Wiz ballers that didnt make it in the newspapers:-Had Caron Butler shouting "You Lie" in scrimmage every time opponent point guard calls play
-Convinced DeShawn Stevenson that his tattoos were alive. Everyone watched in amazement as DeShawn talked animatedly to Abe Lincoln about how the world has changed since the former president got "clipped". John-Ivan lifted the trance before DeShawn could finish his walkthrough of season 3 of "Martin."
-Hypnotized the whole team into believing Ernie Grunfeld was the king of the Tele Tubbies and had them all gather around his stomach shouting "Again! Again!"
-Got G-Wiz to remember alien abduction, probe, escape and stealing of alien technology behind t-shirt cannon
-Asked each member of the team to visualize that they were the celebrity the most admire; transformed room into 4 Denzel Washingtons, an Akon, a couple Scarfaces, Chris Rock, Wesley Snipes, "Rebelde Way" hunk Felipe Colombo, a Dwayne Wade and Mike James
-Cured Dominic McGuire of his fear of stabbing!
-Had "Cougar" and "BLOTUS" holding Titanic pose for 3 minutes
-Made Mike Miller believe he had swallowed a fast-acting posion and that the only known antidote was hidden inside one of the arena's 32 cheese dispensers
-Persuaded Dan Steinberg that he was Mitch Albom. Team officials had to intervene when Dan tried to smother Abe Pollin with a pillow!!
-Gazed into JaVale McGee's eyes and said "You are a swan." Everyone watched in amazement as Javale picked up his iPhone and tweeted "I am a swan"!!!!