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Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Next Commecial Dominion for Queen James: Beerwater!

While making the rounds of the Verizon Center dumpsters looking for discarded Papa John's pizza crusts (hey, it's the recession), we came upon this intriguing script for a new LeBron commercial. Though it was covered with Old Bay and grease, it was easy enough to make out the words:

[A basketball court, hoop to the right. Queen James enters the frame from the left, dribbling a basketball, then picks it up and walks into the center of the frame before turning to and addressing the camera.]

LbJ: Hi, I'm LeBron James. In between playing myself in commercials and spraying baby powder all over the place, I sometimes play basketball.

[Montage of LeBron drives to the basket.]

LbJ [voiceover]: And my experience playing basketball has taught me the value of taking three steps.

[Back to LeBron on the court, addressing the camera.]

LbJ: That's why, when I'm off the court, I enjoy the clean, crisp taste of Miller Lite. You see, the makers of Miller Lite take the time to add hops at three different steps during the brewing process.

[Show the standard Miller Lite commercial graphic]

LbJ: That's what gives Miller Lite its great Pilsner feel. In fact, I'm thinking about adding hops to every step I take!

[Bizarre drive to the basket on the right featuring a bunch of bunny hops and no dribbling, followed by a thunderous dunk.]

LbJ: Miller Lite. It's less filling when you drink it, so I can spend more time filling up the basket.

[Replay of the end of bizarre drive]

LbJ: And that's the power of three steps.

[Show Miller Lite graphic]

Voiceover: Miller Lite. It's somehow distinguishable from its competitors.

[Back to LeBron, grinning, with a bib on, dining on crustaceans. A little mallet is poised to unlock the sweet leg meat. He looks up and smiles.]

LbJ: Try it with crabs!


The Post-It on the front of this document says:

  • Should there be a ref patting LeBron on the butt in affection?

  • Or not in affection?

  • Maybe bring back Grandpa LeBron for an intergenerational hops thing?

  • Need to develop LeBron character more. What motivates him?

There's also a huge "REJECTED" stamp with a silhouette of Sideshow Varejao. But LeBron-Miller Lite is an intriguing pairing, like Spam and E. coli. What do you think LeBron's next endorsement move should be?

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posted by wizznutzz