Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Next Commecial Dominion for Queen James: Beerwater!
While making the rounds of the Verizon Center dumpsters looking for discarded Papa John's pizza crusts (hey, it's the recession), we came upon this intriguing script for a new LeBron commercial. Though it was covered with Old Bay and grease, it was easy enough to make out the words:
[A basketball court, hoop to the right. Queen James enters the frame from the left, dribbling a basketball, then picks it up and walks into the center of the frame before turning to and addressing the camera.]
LbJ: Hi, I'm LeBron James. In between playing myself in commercials and spraying baby powder all over the place, I sometimes play basketball.
[Montage of LeBron drives to the basket.]
LbJ[voiceover]: And my experience playing basketball has taught me the value of taking three steps.
[Back to LeBron on the court, addressing the camera.]
LbJ: That's why, when I'm off the court, I enjoy the clean, crisp taste of Miller Lite. You see, the makers of Miller Lite take the time to add hops at three different steps during the brewing process.
LbJ: That's what gives Miller Lite its great Pilsner feel. In fact, I'm thinking about adding hops to every step I take!
[Bizarre drive to the basket on the right featuring a bunch of bunny hops and no dribbling, followed by a thunderous dunk.]
LbJ: Miller Lite. It's less filling when you drink it, so I can spend more time filling up the basket.
[Replay of the end of bizarre drive]
LbJ: And that's the power of three steps.
[Show Miller Lite graphic]
Voiceover: Miller Lite. It's somehow distinguishable from its competitors.
[Back to LeBron, grinning, with a bib on, dining on crustaceans. A little mallet is poised to unlock the sweet leg meat. He looks up and smiles.]
LbJ: Try it with crabs!
The Post-It on the front of this document says:
Should there be a ref patting LeBron on the butt in affection?
Or not in affection?
Maybe bring back Grandpa LeBron for an intergenerational hops thing?
Need to develop LeBron character more. What motivates him?
There's also a huge "REJECTED" stamp with a silhouette of Sideshow Varejao. But LeBron-Miller Lite is an intriguing pairing, like Spam and E. coli. What do you think LeBron's next endorsement move should be?