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Monday, April 27, 2009
Flip Saunders Ty Pennington

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look
And a love of the rack and the screw.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.
-"Daddy", Sylvia Plath

See I been a loser just about all my life
Type that try turn a ho to a housewife
-"What's Up Fatlip?", Fatlip

we promise not to make any

FLIP SAUNDERS is introduced aS the next coach of the washington wizards! Its official, he even ordered 30 delicious ounces of "COACH" business cards!!!

The color barrier has been broken! its only a matter of time until white men are allowed to play in the NBA!!

And Flip is bringing Sam Cassell and Sam Cassell's amazing face! This instantly gives us two things we need: a coach and someone who can beat Agent Zero in a 3point youtube shootoff!

Everybody is weighing in on the big news

Mostly, people are HOT FOR TEACHER but there are also lots of top analists around there who say that Flip is just too Flip and that he will let Gil run amok like a free range chicken and that only avery johnson has the kind of strict, hard-minded nofunnybizness mojo to put Gil in his place .

Mike Wilbon sez it:
"Arenas, it seems to me, needs a coach who's more hands-on, somebody not only willing to take him on behind closed doors (or publicly, if necessary) but a man who's eager to do it, a coach with a deep bag of mind games and a bit devious himself."

Tom Knott sez it:
The emerging relationship between Arenas and Saunders lends itself to speculation because Arenas is accustomed to acting on whim.

and in between cosmetic procedures, Peter Vescey sez it:
Saunders is far too normal. He had trouble gaining the respect and keeping the attention of a reasonably stable core of polished Pistons. Imagine trying to accomplish something constructive while suffering Agent Zero's histrionics.

SO much worry in the world! The position that was open was 4 "NBA COACH" not 4 "GILWHISPERER" or did I miss something???

Basically what all these gruffnecks are saying is:

That deep within Gils dome is a child in need of a stern father figure like Avery Johnson and that anything less is soft parenting and will cause Gilbert 2 act out crazy and start making Papa Dont Preach Videos.

Well for one this is rich that Mike Wilbon would flip like Wilson and pickett since he has been the self-appointed patriarch of all DC sports for 2 decades- the conservative, provident old-timer, emotionally remote, hard to please, loathe to express affection or support. He forced Dan Steinberg to sack race with him at the WaPO father-son picnic and then shocked staffers by beating him with a Joseph Abboud braided belt when they lost to Dan and Sally Jenkins!

Look yes Agent Zero has alot of issues.
We wrote all about them a couple years ago in a epic incite called THE PSYCHOANALISIS OF GILBERT ARENAS.

But of all issues Gilbert has the one he DONT have is daddy issues.

He might even be the only guy in the NBA who DOESNT have daddy issues.
Gilbert got a dad and they are best friends. Gil Sr raised Gilbert Jr doing whatever it took to give his boy a good life thru hard times and times of soft relief and Agent Zero loves his dad right back and showed it when he was a little boy by helping him with Miami Vice line-readings and he showed it as a grown man by buying his dad the 57 Maybach from the movie 'Memoirs of a Geisha' and on the front of the Mayback it said "Payback" cuz gil is all good with his pops and if a Geishawagon tells u anything it tells that if Gil got issues they are Mommy issues, so if Ernie Grunfeld had hired Pat Summitt or Murray State golf coach Velvet Milkman then yeah we'd have a problem.

It was the 2008-09 Wizards that had daddy issues. and im not talking about Pamela McGee buying Bud Ice at tenley mini mart for nick young. LIke we said before this years team was a RUMP STATE - its a very real thing google it. They had no authorities in charge and it was left to them to raise themselves like Dickens orphans. they were a party of five, a pack of wolves, a tribo-juvelist cooperative (I made up those words)

Yes they had a Dad but their dad was like Dirk Benedict (i did not make up those words) in the movie ALASKA who crashed the family plane into the mountains and the young kids were faced with a harrowing adventure to race against time and nature to save him. They had to think fast and grow up and come up with a plan and work together to cross the wild and while they were doing all that Mike James slipped back into the plane wreckage and stole dad's wallet.

Then the boys pooled their belongings: 12 NBA per diems, a box of chew straws, one Connect Four board game, some mobile phones and a beat up Russian romance novel. When they realized they had no food Darius SOngalia started panicking big time and yelled "mankind is always just 7 meals away from murder" and put the Connect Four chips, 11 blacks but one red chip, in a pouch and wanted to hold a lottery to decide who would get stoned to death and eaten by the rest. Caron calmed him down a bit and said: hey we in the wildnerness this place is crawling with food, Andray you go in the bush and bring us back some brisket son. ANdray walked around an hour or so then got hungry and ate some berries he found and lay down and slipped into a cold sleep. When Drey didnt come back everyone started to argue abouit what to do next so Antawn divided the group into the "Biguns" and the "Littluns" and made a rule that everyone had to talk in turns and whoever had the conch shell it was their turn to talk so they passed it around and everyone said their ideas, Nick Young used his time with the conch to tell the first 40 minutes of the movie Gladiator and then eventually Gil made a ruling to shut down the conch once and for all because he said he was being misinterpreted. Then Darius started saying he could hear Rhianna singingto him on the rocks and walked into the ocean smiling and had to be dragged out. Then things really fell apart and everyone went really animal and order broke down and the Biguns waged a war on the Littluns and chased Juan Dixon to a rock pool and "whirlpooled" him and then Pecherov escaped the mob into the woods and Darius went after him and an hour later came back alone with blood on his face screaming about how he "killed a unicorn" and then Flip Saunders stepped into the clearing in his neat suit and surveyed the wild bunch and said i will take you out of here and the boys wept the weep of shame at what theyd become

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posted by wizznutzz