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Thursday, February 05, 2009
 
all star nba logo

The NBA announced last week that they are going to nerd up spice up this years All Star weekend with games of H-O-R-S-E. Its true: the All-Star game has grown staler than an Abe Pollin cake. The league has been tinkering with the program for years, trying to liven things up, but we just don't think HORSE is the answer.

Well the ESPN TRUEHOOP NETWORK INCITE MACHINE has come up with a banging list of suggestions for All Star weekend!!!!

CHECK EM OUT HERE!

Then check out our suggestions below:


SEAN KEMP FATHER & SON 2-BALL
NBA father and sons compete in a 2-on-2 tournament.
Potential teams include: "Jellybean" and Kobe Bryant, Bill and Luke Walton, Stan and Kevin Love, Henry and Mike Bibby, Dolph and Danny Schayes, Rick and Jon or Brent Barry.

Winning team invited to the WNBA All-Star Game to play an exhibition match against Pamela and JaVale McGee.


"C-R-A-B"
Similar to H-O-R-S-E but players must execute 3 steps before each shot attempt.


THE NEW YORK POST HOOP SKIRT PAGEANT
Young female hopefuls compete for the chance to be selected as Stephon Marbury's summer intern.


MASCOT PENTATHALON
NBA players compete against defending champion Gilbert Arenas in five mascot disciplines:

-Trampoline Dunk Contest
-Timed Burrito Handout
-Trike Race
-T-Shirt Gun Rafter Shoot
-Shoplifting in Costume



gilbert arenas trampoline


"DAGGER!"
Based on a game every boy loved to play growing up.
Players compete in a full court 1-on-1 competition, with a 4 second shot clock.
Contestants are required to do their own running play-by-play commentary.

THE JIMMY THE GREEK ASPERGERS SKILLS CHALLENGE
TV commentators try to out do each other in an uncomfortable roundtable on the "physiology of race in basketball".


SKINS GAME
Another twist on the game of H-O-R-S-E, featuring 5-on-5 prize-money match play between circumcised All-Stars and their uncircumcised rivals.


"ENTOURAGE"
An anything goes, round robin battle-royal between All-Star entourages.
There is no limit to the number of participants.
Angry moms may tag in from the crowd at anytime.


PAIRS FREESTYLE
NBA players partner with rapper friends in a unique 2-on-2 contest. On the court, the players face off in a traditional 1-on-1 competition, while their respective rap stars engage in a sideline dis track battle. Rappers alternate on the mic based on which player has possession of the ball. Game continues until one of the rappers retires.

Confirmed teams: DeShawn Stevenson and Proverb, LeBron james and Jay-Z, Chris Webber and Nas, Chris Paul and Lil' Wayne, Kenyon Martin and Trina.

Old-timers division: Cedric Ceballos and Sadat X, Charles Oakley and Atlantic Starr.


and finally, please bring back the....

ALL-STAR MEDIA SHOWER!!!!
Member of the press strip down for group shower, while the athletes fire questions at them. Simulcast in Spanish!




.. .. .. .. .. .. ..

NEW! BONUS EVENTS from wizznutzz intern CHRIS MILLER:

Limo Shoot Off
Round I - Pairs of NBAers try to shoot bottles of Cristal off heads of Eastern European limo drivers lined up at half court
Round II - In separate, sound-proof booths, each team member has one minute to give their version of what happened in Round I. Answers compared by host city police for discrepancies in time line, etc... Plaxico Burress, Mark Furman and Phil Spector are celebrity judges.

EuroZone Stars of Tomorrow
Five-minute exhibition scrimmmage featuring 10 top Eastern European 17 year-olds. All 10 play offense simultaneously, no defense.

Free Agent Limbo Contest, by Priceline.com
In a crossover promotion with MLB and Priceline, Manny Ramirez and Stephon Marbury have a limbo-off, while fans text in bids for their services, starting with "Stephon Marbury can paint my house for $300."

Chris Gatlin Salary Cap Number Retired
To teach the newest generation of NBA fans about the struggles of the early days of the salary cap system, the All-Star weekend will honor Chris Gatlin. Without Gatlin's salary, perfectly sized to level up the cap hits of swapping starting players, no trade would have been possible in the NBA from 1993 to 2001. His record of playing for 38 NBA franchises in 1998, including both sides of Game 3 of the Nets-Heat playoff series after a rare half-time trade, will likely never be broken. His cap number of $822,467.83/remaining games in the season will be retired.

Feed My Family Cook-Off
Latrell Sprewell gives rookies one hour, a theme ingredient and $78 million to prepare dinner for a family reunion.

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posted by wizznutzz
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