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Thursday, January 29, 2009
GWiz southwest airlines bird strike

The Wiz just came back from a ruff trip 2 the West Coast where they got beat up all along the coast, from Oakland to Sac Town, the Bay Area and Back Down!!!!

In some ways this whole season is like an ill-fated plane trip. And just after takeoff the plane got goosed right in the engines: Gilbert BAM! Brendan BAM! !!! DOuble bird strike!!!!! Suddenly the team plane is without any power from its engines and the pilot Eddie Jordan and co-pilot Ernie Grunfeld, and Abe Pollin in the jump seat, have to be brave and make smart decisions to try and bring this bird down and ditch her safely into the river and save as many lives as they can on the ground and in the plane. What happens next is not too smart or too brave based on what we heard on the Black Boxes. First Pilot Jordan said 'lets stay calm', then Abe grabbed the intercom and screamed I STILL TRUST YOU MICHAEL! BRACE FOR IMPACT! then Co-pilot Grunfeld panicked and threw open the cockpit door and pushed eddie Jordan right out of the plane and then screamed "what have i done!!!??" and then ran back to the plane and grabbed the first guy he saw and said "we have no pilot! can you crash this plane into a river Mister???" And Mr Tapscott put his headphones back on and said "but I want to see how Finding Forrester ends" and then Grunfeld dragged him into the cockpit and yells "PUNCH THE KEYS FOR GODSAKE!!!" and Tapscott starts hitting buttons in a cold cold sweat and by mistake starts dumping burning hot jet oil all over Merriweather Post Pavillion and screams "what have i done!!!" and then Grunfled yelled "dont worry son, is only The Steve Miller Band performing in their Fear of a White Planet Reunion Tour plus some sunburned country girls fighting over a six-pack in the parking lot sometimes u have to make sacrifices!!!" then Abe screamed out the window "They said I was crazy to build a goddamed arena downtown but i did it and i buried you Merriweather, I buried you!! Tapscott put the nose down, were landing this sunuvabitch in RFK stadium!!!!"

GWiz southwest airlines bird strike

Its very clear now that Ernie is trying to land this team right in the lottery so David STern can put the sorting hat on him to see if Blake ends up in Gryffindor

These are desperate times. But we r always thinking for the future. The trade deadline is approaching and we think if the Wizards make all the right moves, they can field a winner next year.

So we thought about some realistic trades the team can make now so they can win later

Trades That Work Using the ESPN Trade Machine:

Wizards send:
Oleksiy Pecherov (1,446,720)

To Dynamo Moscow for:
Sergei Bykov (900,000) and a live Lion (1,300)

. . . . . . . . . .

Wizards send:
Mike James (6,244,093) and a potentially embarrassing 1978 Mitch Kupchak sex tape (sentimental value)

To Lakers for:
Andrew Bynum (2,769,300) and Trevor Ariza (3,100,000)

.. . . . . . . . . . .

Wizards send:
Etan Thomas (6,864,200) and Antawn Jamison (9,923,285)

To Wizards for:
Antawn Jamison (9,923,285) and a future 2nd round pick and Cornell West ($175,000) and cash considerations

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Wizards send: Juan Dixon (797,581) and five dollars

To Bulls for:
Michael Ruffin ($797, 581) and a bag of marbles

. . . . . . . . . . .

Three Team Trade:

Knicks Get:
Phil Chenier (400,000) and  Juan Dixon (797,581) and cash

Golden Nugget Casino Gets:
Settlement of Michael Jordan's Gambling Marker (2,100,000)

Wizards Get:
David Lee (1,788,03)
Clyde Frazier (800,000)
Don Rickles (400,000)

. . . . . . . . . . .

Wizards send:
2010 rights to Dominic McGuire (711,517)

To Iona for:
1983 rights to Jeff Ruland (600,000)

. . . . . . . . . .

Wizards send:
Head Trainer Eric Water's organs (225,000)

To Shanxi Yujun for:
God Shammgod (140,000) and 200 tons of uncooked hot dogs (subject to physical)

. . . . . . . . .

Wizards send:
Pamela and JaVale McGee (1,392,240)

To Sparks for:
Lisa and Lauren Leslie (72,188) and cash

. . . . . . . .

Wizards send:
Darius Songalia (4,235,000)

To Suns for:
Leandro Barbosa (6,100,00) and all the property Ernie Grunfeld can carry out of Shaquille O'Neal's house in 30 minutes (TBD)

. . . . . . . . .

Four Team Trade:

Wizards Get:
Ikea Futon (FREE) and 8-day timeshare at Jerry Stackhouse's North Carolina beach house (4,500)

Cavaliers Get:
Champ The Horse (100,000)

Mavericks Get:
G Wiz (92,000)

Man Posting on Craigslist's "Men Seeking Furries" Section Gets:
The Cleveland Moondog (FREE)

Which Leaves Us With The Following 2009/10 Lineup!
Pretty Good I think!

PG: Barbosa/Bykov/Crittendon/Stevenson
SG: Arenas/Ariza/Shammgod/Young
F: Butler/1983 Version of Jeff Ruland/ Lion
F: Jamison/Jamison/Lee/Blatche
C: Bynum/Leslie/Haywood/Ruffin

Thats Two Jamisons if your counting! Plus lion! Plus marbles rolling around!
Plus #1 Draft Pick!
Plus Free staph-resistant Hot Dogs for One Year!
Plus Frazier and Rickles Calling all the games!

How about it ernie????

Tell us trades you would like 2 see!

posted by wizznutzz