Meantime we have to sit through game winning heroics and the drudgery of Sista Soulja crushing Shitsy SPitsy in the pliant cheeks of defense and waiting out Antawn Jamison scoring 28 three pointers in 9 seconds to beat the Clippz. All it takes is a sniff of the paint for Antawn to pleasure the net like he was Barry WHite ona butterfly hunt! Our boy can finger roll from 20 feet!
We love ANtawn but not as much as one of our readers.
His name is SuperFAN RAY and he is a superfan and founder of Kemp Mill Records and traded in the worlds largest collection of El DeBarge vinyl for his very own Mothering Hut custom creation:
CHECK OUT THE HANDSOME GENIUS!!!
Never has a man decorated his body with our words with such poignancy since Jimmy Oliver tattoeed 'INCITES 4 JESUS' on his breast!!!!
MEantimez the TALK of the Town was the BIG CARON BIRTHDAY BASH last weekend at Park on 14th.
Now we have been to a baller B'day bash in the park B4 , it was for Calbert Cheaneys 43rd BDay and was in Rock Creek Park, but this was bigger and ballier than anything we have seen.
Tuff Juice coulde asily have saved $$$ by hosting the party in one of his 18 Burger Kings but he didnt want no paper crowns this year, so he spent the big bucks, renting Bimbos and renting Lambos he spent over 250K is tha word.
Caron aint no Peter ANgelos when it come to building a winner. Peter U tell me Orioles are in a "rebuilding phase" ??!!!? No kidding, so is HAITI motherfuker!!!!
No Caron spends like Dan SNyder aka he spends like a russian prostitute!! The party was full of A-LISTERS!
Camren Electra! Kim Kardashian! Ray and Lavar!
Plus the top royalty of Rockville Pike were in the house:
DAN JR, the ex-con who was arrested for smuggling weed, and THE SON THAT HAS NO NAME that he fathered out of wedlock in 1983. (on the show they needed a name for him so they just call him "Potsie" since they already owned the rights from an old Happy Days syndication deal)
and they put ROGFER CLEMEN's 4 sons: KLU, KLAN, KLUX, and KLOSTERMAN
It didnt take long at the party for the boys to get into trouble. Britt got tossed after taking a fistfull of birthday cake before the candles was lit, and a drunk GARRETT challenged Etan Thomas to an arm wrestle and when Etan declined Garrett hurled a racial slur at him and started hurling beer bottles at antiques while the four Ks went looking to beat up BRIAN MCNAMEE who was in the mens room selling whippets. Lemme tell u what, in person, McNamee does not look like a personal trainer. when you think personal trainer u think Billy Blankity Blanks right? Brian McNamee dont look like no personal trainer, unless u r talking about HITLERS PERSONAL TRAINER
By the time the private party ended at about 1 AM, the crowd started to thin, but the ones who left early missed the best part of the night. Arenas, Antawn Jamison, and the rest of the team made their way to the fourth floor, where the Washington stars danced with a select group of ladies in a rope-enclosed area.
"here the Washington stars dance....in a rope-enclosed area"
Its just like the 1996 Bullets museum i have in my basement!!!
Also our fones were liting up all night with txt messages from BALLER ALERT
You know Baller Alert right? Its the sophisticated scoial networking site that connects young, wealthy and famous athletes with the angry, infectious groupies that stalk them in their wobbly cork Steve Maddens! You got to log in but its worth it since you will find our own Darvin Hams baller page!!!! Plus exclsuive incites like:
Yeah...I'm in town for the weekend so I stopped through because I like that spot. It was a hot sweaty mess (on the floor where Caron was). Yes...the groupies were in full action all colors, shapes, sizes, and gender too. I didn't get to scope much of the action because I couldn't stand too long in my new Zanotti's. It was nice though!!!!
and a two thousand word critique of party promoter Marc Barnes by someone called "Siren" who thinks she is the Pauline Kael of urban party reviewers.
It was through baller Alert that we got the following message from DANA, wizznutzz intern and registered sperm donor:
DARV im in touble help. I think I hit Llorenzo Will. wit my car. On purpose. He out cold. Call ambulance. No wait. call ambulance in 2 HOURS. Not for 2 hours. Tell them go my apt Chantilly Ill have LW. PS DARV party off hook. I tookk 3 box of wine out back put in GEO. If box left tomorrow I bring it peace L8 - D
Dave Zirin, the strong sports scribe who opens a black sportswrters B+B this summer in Staten Islaand with his adoptive dad the legendary Bob Lipsyte, has a long radio interview with Etan about poets and Mumia Abu-Jamal (we loved him in Cosby!) and demands Etan do a youtube duet with Pecherov of "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised"!!!!