WIZ are fading in the low winter sun faster than a gyros poster in a deli window. Like Yeats wrote on his fanhouse Slouching Towards Bethlehem Shoals blog :
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
So tru.
Whats to say really. there is no need for wizznutzz anywayz now that we are all being replaced by cold science of CALVIN BOOTH WIDGETS
NBA in the 21st century is run by robots controlled by Mitch Kupchaks blackberry!!!!
The only hope we all have is AGENT ZERO and the Jolly Swagman doesnt let us down, dropping some jaw dropitty droppersin the latest issues of Mens Journal magazine (dont know Mens Journal? Its basically the same as Dog Fancy but with men instead of dogs)
REVELATION NUMBER ONE
"I'm building it right now in my backyard: a replica of Hugh Hefner's pool, only a little better. It has a grotto and everything, but with flatscreen TVs, a kitchen and a bathroom. No bunnies."
So it a playboy pool 'replica' but wait "no bunnies"???? Hefners pool replica with no bunnies - so what is left to replicate? James Woods' semen?
Still the parties will be great, with Nick Young doing cannonballs and strutting about in a fur speedo and hours and hours of 'Marco Polo'!!! It will all be fun and games until GWiz is found floating face down one morning.
REVELATION NUMBER TWO
"I order a Corona and a Shirley Temple, then mix them 50-50 in an extra glass. I've been doing it for about a year now. It tastes like a sweet Corona. I call it the Agent Zero."
Move over sambuca and meat drink, we now have official new cocktail in the Mothering Hut!!!!
It is even more delicious than these other WIZARD COCKTAILS:
THE SALIERI 2oz Cherry Gatorade ('94) 32oz Bitters + a splash of Bitters
and our fave: Steven Blake Rusty Bay Still 96 "Gout de Terroir"
The heavily inbred varietal results in a sweaty wine, with pungent character, and disagreeable notes of raccoon urine and buckshot.
Wizznutzz wines page contains more obscure references than Ledell Eakles birth certificate!! I dont even know what that means!
REVELATION NUMBER THREE: THE REVENGE OF THE FUR SPEEDO
"When I was new in the NBA the team veterans convinced me to shave, you know, down there, because they said the hair stinks. I used my girlfriend's razor, which was rusty and gave me keloids. The doctor prescribed medicine to dab on, but I just poured it all over. Three days later I woke up screaming. The skin was burnt off my scrotum, down to my crack, everything -- just raw flesh. I still had to run and play, so I used a numbing spray for a month until it healed. Now I use clippers."
OH NO YOU DIDNT!!!!!!!
OH NO U DID NOT TAKE A RUSTY BLADE TO YOUR MONS PUBIS!! OH NO YOU DID NOT SERVE UP LOIN TARTAR!!!! OH NO YOU DID NOT GIVE YOURSELF A DEVILS HAIRCUT!!!!!!
jesus christ gilbert next time u want a romanian bikini wax u dont gotta go Sweeney Todd on your Jimmy Oliver -- just come to the mothering hut!!! Jaarko can give you the AUSTRALIAN all-natural hair removal system:
There is only one thing to learn from this experience Gilbert.
Next time you shave your pubes, make sure you SAVE THEM so that a few weeks later you and Antonio can hold down Nick Young in the lockerroom and serve him up......... an OSAMAS REVENGE!!!
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Meantime:
Show Your Support this week at the Potomac Mills Primaries!!!!! Help Gilbert stuff the ballot box!!!
