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Monday, November 19, 2007

The last week was a big one for the wizards and they rolled out of the nest and got Eddie 4 shiny nuts for the harvest!!!

But it was only last week i was reading angry comments about Gilbert on the websites that made me so sick i couldnt even swallow my morning Sparxx n Beans.

ANgry sports fans throwing Gil under the RideOn, yelling how Gilbert needs to 'shut up' and 'stop blogging' and 'stop talking this and that' and 'just win games', saying "show me something!" like he is your mule and you are his brayman on tha hill and you think u can abuse him and that your disgust will make him work harder for you.

Well I got some questions for those fans:

Are you Abe Pollin? What have you ever done for US??? What do you know???

Are you working as a Junior commission salesman at the Mens Warehouse, measuring the thighs of Rockville Pike men , so you can save up for a Sports Management correspondence degree from that school you saw a commercial for when you were watching Outer Limits reruns on FX at 2am and bitching at the screen about the cheap special effects??? Is that what you are thinking about on your lunch break after you get your Blimpies card stamped and r on hold waiting to talk to Scott Jackson on your fucking Bluetooth and u r having a smoke outside the Mall, are you thinking about all the changes you would make on the team if you were running things, like trading Brendan Haywood for Kevin Garnett, and more minutes for Nick Young, and more minutes for Dominic McGuire, and more minutes for Juan Dixon, and firing that black coach and playing defense and moving the team to Germantown??? WHy do you even cheer for the Wizards? Why dont you just cheer for the Celtics already?? You already cheer for the Patriots. You started being a Patriots fan 3 years ago when you decided the Redskins werent hustling for you enough and not giving Skip Hicks enough minutes and you didnt need that shit anymore. Now you call beers "Bruschis" its so clever you and your pals should get a espn show, maybe Bill Simmons would come over to your townhouse and make lists of Best SPorts Movies with you and you guys stay up all night arguing like pals.

Why do you think Gilbert Arenas owes you anything? Gilbert arenas doesnt owe you shit. hes not playing for you. hes not playing for your money. you think Gil has been up all summer practicing that cool new behind the back pass he does til 6am with some poor MCI parking attendant because you bought a $40 4 ticket family plan and sold the other 3 tickets on the internet???

Name me one player on the Bullets or Wizards in the last 20 years that you would trade Gilbert Arenas for, straight up.
Name ONE!!!!!
You got 20 years, take your pick. And no, you can't include the expiring contract of Llorenzo Williams!!!!

WHy are you so ready to throw a first stone, didnt u learn anything from the bible or Footloose??

IF you want an EVEN STEVEN then you got the wrong team my friend cause this team lives and dies by DONNY DUWATCHALIKE. If you dont like inventors why are you still shopping at Sharper Image, why dont you go next door to Sears where they have more reliable warranties but the Pepper Shakers dont have built in flashlights??? If you want the top dog then you got the wrong nature documentary cause gil's the craziest bird the the bush, hes the crazy little bird with the puffed up feathers doing the weird dance and building a bright blue nest out of old Connect Four chips and trying to mate with a bear. Gilberts the real Coq Diesel, the Spartist, The Creator, The Vagina, and make no mistake DC ball is Gilberts Cabaret and if you find the show too queer why dont you find a place full of joyless fan-bullies like yourself who spend all day cheering for a frontrunner and calling up talk radio to argue about rosters -- its called Staten Island!

For the rest of us, this weekend was a great and special time, because Gilbert announced on his blog that he now yells out "NACHO!" before each shot he takes!!!

You know, like Nacho Libre? Yeah, so every time I'm shooting it, it's just:
Serving chips and dip.

This is so extraoridnary for so many ways.

We are extra excited about it at Wizznutzz, because we gave Gil the Agent Zero name, and in a way we gave him the name NACHO too, because fans have been hearing us yell out NACHOOOOO!!!!! at games for 10 years!!!! We are yelling NACHOOO! from the minute we walk in and we are yelling it at tip off and we are yelling it to the final horn . We are yelling it at the mexican restaurant thats run by the chinese people we go to after the game. Its called "Yummy Taco" but Cheniers Ghost calls it "Fuzzy Taco". We are yelling it on the subway on the way home, and the next day we are yelling it at children in playgrounds! And now when u strut your nachismo Gilbert, we r your backup singers!!! We are your Pips! We are your motherf*kin Range!

But things got much more exciting when we discovered the IMDB page for NACHO ARENAS!!!!

You will see from the site that Nacho Arenas is described as a "sound editor" but that doesn't tell the story.

we will tell you the story though!

Nacho is indeed a 'sound editor' but that sound is his voice.

Because Nacho Arenas is Mexcio's premier African-American voice over artist!!!!!

What does it mean? It doesnt mean he is african-american, it means that he provides all the voices for black actors when they dub american movies into spanish to show at mexican theatres and the mexican airplane!!!! He is the only mexican who can do authentic african american dialects. Many mexicans try, but after they all do the same monologue from Good Times at the audition the director is like "Get me Nacho Arenas, Holmes!" So whenever a mexican sees a great modern black american actor on the screen, they are seeing Morgan Freeman, or Denzel Washington, or Don CHeadle, or Bubba SMith or Reggie Theus, they are SEEING them but they are HEARING Nacho Arenas!!!!

What is also amazing about his story is how his life story mirrors so much of Gilbert Arenas story, as you will see. Just as Gilbert dreamed of being in NBA all his life but is still amazed to be there in the Association, so did Nacho have dreams and now thanks the lord when he walks down the carpet roja at the Mexican premiere of Money Train!!!!

Nachos story started like Gilberts, when he was a boy with little means and chances and growing up in difficult times.

Nacho Arenas was a boy living in a small farming town in southern Mexico where he raised fighting roosters with his Mom and Dad.

It was a simple life.

Nacho would wake with the sunshine each day and go out into the farm and try and make the chickens a little more murderry and insane that they were the day before.

He was good at angering chickens to be sure, but it was not his dream.

Then one day his life would change, when a famous American Actor called MARVIN BRANDO came to visit their small town because he was doing research for a new Werner Herzog movie he was filming called "The Savagery Of CHickens".

When Marvin Brando came to town everybody was so excited!!! especially Nacho's mother, she was so excited that when Marvin Brando left, she left with him as his new girlfriend to go to America!!!!

All of a sudden Nacho Arenas Sr. was left to raise his son Nacho Jr all by himself.

When it came to breeding cockfighters it was really Mrs Arenas who had the real special gift. Her fighting breed, the feared "Chickity-Choco" was undefeated but when she was gone they lost their will to fight and so Nacho Arenas Sr slaughtered the whole flock, and he and Nacho Jr buried the caracasses and loaded up the Volkswagon Beetle and drove to Mexico City where Nacho Sr. would pursue his dream of being a Mexican soap opera star. But his dream didnt work out too good and Nacho Sr spent most of his time making ends meet taking a job hanging the second upside down question mark on mexican movie marquees.

He had very little money and couldnt afford the schools for Nacho Jr, so Nacho taught himself how to read by reading the only book he had.

It was also the only thing he had to hold that had belonged to his mother. It was very very special to Nacho.

It was the novelization of the 1980 movie "Stir Crazy" and its cover showed a black man in a chicken costume who looked hurt and Nacho imagined that was him in the chicken costume, and because it was once his mothers book young Nacho read it and reread and reread it some more and slept with it under his pillow and wrote "¡Morio Marvin!" in the margins. He started to read it aloud and one day a scout overheard him doing the Richard Pryor voice ("Oh no, I don't want no cheesburger!!") and next thing you know he is discovered and famous and fast forward to last year when Nacho Arenas Jr was given a lifetime achievement award by the Meixcan Academy Awards for voicing all 33 characters in the spanish language dub of smash summer hit Norbit! Although in mexico it was called by its spanish name "Norbít".

Pretty incredible story i know.

But not as incredible as the top secret bombshell we have for you today!!!!

On his blog Gilbert also talks about his new limited edition kicks coming out soon.

Well we have an exclusive preview of a very special new shoe!!!!!
How did we get it?? we cant say, but it involved some shady dealings, dealings that may become more clear next time Calbert Cheaney tries to use a credit card!!!

We'll keep it secret no more, ladies and gentlemen,


"NACHO CERO" (tm) !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gilbert Arenas Gil Zero Nacho Cero

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posted by wizznutzz