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Monday, October 01, 2007


Last Friday sports blogging god Will "dont hate me because my hair is beautiful" Leitch on Deadspin was ushered into the high altitude media tent to interview Agent Zero .

We all know Will Leitch is a pro, spreading the thickest "Royal We" butter since Bishop STubbs wrote the best-selling Joe Namath mass-market paperback bio "Broadway and We" in 1902, so it wuz no suprize to us that Will didnt lob no Bobo Newsom softballs at Gil, and that before he feinted Will asked him the question thats been on everyones lips:

"Have you been to Wizznutzz? "

well let me say that IN the wizznutzz offices at that minute all our attention on other things including breathing was suddenly like the bacon in the SIzzlean commercials, and with our focussed brains we levetated that old bacon away from our plates and said "move over bacon, make room for something meatier!(tm)" as we waited for our Hero Zero to answer:

My dad is more into the stuff like that, the RealGM, the Wizznutzz, those types of things. He tells me what's going on. He was sitting there for five, six hours, posting under fake names, "how do you like that Gilbert Arenas? He's a jackass, huh?" Just to see what the response is.

It is true, we are CRUSHED to find out the Gilbert doesnt spend 3 hours a day on our site or even just now an then pop by to ask GarBot2000 for legal advice


plus we are THRILLED to find out that Gilbert ARenas SENIOR IS checking our incites, loitering around like Llorenzo Williams, lurking about the site going deepcova brotha like Tubbs on the comments board. We have no idea who he is posting as, he could even be the secret alter ego of one our famous regulars:

Cheniers Ghost? David Vanterpool? Lynams Disease? Good God - Unsilent Majority?!?!?!?!?!

We love Gilbert Senior!!! In fact, maybe even Agent Zero is a little overexposed and SO we are now backing Pops, aka "Gil The Thrill" from here on out.

Its like Tortoise and The Hare story, Junior has burned bright like a meteor through the blogosphere but Senior is steady and focussed and maybe he is the real future?? Maybe its like DOnald and Keifer SUtherland. SUre Keifers got a hit show now but lets see in 10 years if anyone even remembers keifer or if they are like "You mean that albino dude in Powder?" while Donald is talk of the town and has Tinsley Mortimer's racy smells in his beard and has a hit show while the only hits Keifer's got are hits on youtube for the humiliating Dancing With The Stars audtion tape that shows him doing The SMurf in the parking lot behind The Apple Pan with SOuthern COmfort in his hand and his career down with his overalls around his ankles.

NOT really of course we will always love Gil Junior,



COme And Be an Intern At Wizznutzz!!!
Write for Us!!!

We have already ordered a new Colecovision keyboard for you, and well as xtra large flame-retardant intern robes, and a monthly RideOn pass! You can even play your ATlantic Starr records in the Mothering Hut!!
You will get more hits than your kid's upstart blog we promise. You can razz him hard about your Click Through Rates and internet celebrity friends!!!

Or if you cant blog for us then


It will be most gripping talked -about celebrity interview since Morely Saffer asked MJ "what did you do with Ty Lues body"!!!

Lets do it by webcam the interview!
You wont belive the questions we will ask and we wont believe your aNSWERS!

eMAIL US gilbert arenas senior AT wizznutzz (at)
please we woulkd love to set it up and take you right to the top!!


This would normally be enough AGent Zero news for one day, but then Agent Steniz reports yesterday about Gilberts NBew Cartoon SHow "GAZO THE PRANKSTA".

SPorts Bog covering the wizards is like a real life Fantasy Island. Dan is Mr Rourke and he has Littles and if you can even dream it, they will deliver it to you. Gil has hired young writers from UCLA and USC and a Jr. Animnator from "Lilo and Stitch 2" and has made a cartoon about some school kids who get snubbed by the popular kidz and their leader is GAZO who carries out pranks and japes and has an imaginary freind sidekick called Agent ZIP.

SO with the outcasts and practical jokes it is no doubt this show is based on Gilberts own life and so it is curious to see there is an Imaginary friend sidekick.

Imaginary sidekicks are common tradition in cartoons. Like when Fred Flintsone had Kazoo the martian who no one else could see. And Big Bird had Snuffleupagus and Calvin had Hobbes.

But also imagi-amigos they are also very common for real boys growing up.

There are many reasonz people have imaginary friends.

Fred Flintstone's reason was likely from hallucinations caused by an advanced glioblastoma in his brain from phosphorous toxicity he got from eating nothing but Brontosaurus meat for 30 years. But for rest of us imaginary friends help us to overconme our "egocentric inadequacies". Thats what Jean Piaget says anyway. Jean Piaget was a child development specialist and founder of The Wiggles.

They're trying out alternate viewpoints, probing causal sequences, revising interpretations of changing situations—honing the capacity to take others' perspectives, he speculates, a skill that gave our language-speaking species powers of narrative dialogue that proved highly adaptive.

Thats what a lady wrote about it in Slate website about how imaginary friends are good for you.

Now if you know Gilbert you know it is no surprise that he has had imaginary friends.

The only question is WHICH ONE of all his imaginary friends he would cast for GAZO???

Here are some of Gils Phantom friends he had to choose from:

There is "BUMPER"

gilbert arenas

who is a small yellow rabbit that looks just like Thumper from bambi but has the voice of Mabel King, Roger Thomas' Mama from the show "Whats Happening". "Bumper" helped gilbert as a child dealing with growing up without his mother. Thumper had experience in adolescent counseling from the Bambi thing and Mabel Kings voice is warm and comforting like a big bosom.

There is "HIPPOLITO"


The 2-Headed Cuban Tortoise.

Hippolito would help Gilbert make decisions about right and wrong.
The two heads would argue with eachother for control of Gilberts young conscience. Hippolitos right head usual won. This is because the left head was always singing that damn Rick Springfeild song "Dont Talk To STrangers" over and over driving Gil nuts while the Right head of the tortoise was way more fun and mischevous and got into trouble and also taught Gilbert how to smoke.

There is "MR SIMs"

SIM Card

The imaginary litle man who lives in Gilberts cellphone.
Mr SIMs helps Gilbert feel comfortable in social situations. To talk to him Gilbert just has to call his own phone and leave himself messages : "Hi its me, Gilbert!"



Will Leitch

AWVEE was the rascally imaginary lockeroom playmate Gilbert created to help him get through the anxieties of a new team and a new town!!

But GAZO'S sidekick AGENT ZIP is the best ever because of the revolutionary POUCH.
Its shows Agent Zeros amazing private imagination.

GAZO'S POUCH is truly original. Well sure "Gazos Pouch" it is one of the fundamental principles of Non-Euclidean Geometry, but in the make believe world GAZO'S POUCH adds a whole new dimension because within your hidden friend is another hidden space, a moist hidden private space that has bottomless storage to hide your trickster plans, and hijinks, and secrets and to hide your FEARS until you are ready to face them.

This isn't the first time we have talked about POUCHES and FEAR and MARSUPIALS here at wizznutzz.

In fact many of you know we made a famous mixed media art piece that we sold to the Andrew Gaze Gallery Of Marsupial Art and we called it


So "GAZO'S POUCH" will be the theme of Wizznutzz 2008!

A place to hide our incites, a magic sleeve of tricks, a 'fun size' mothering hut, an antiseptic bacon incubator!!

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posted by wizznutzz