Message to Agent Arenas: It has recently come to our attention that your recent games have been flagged for boosting. A form of cheating on Xbox Live. I would like to just keep you in the know that Bungie.net Support Staff and Xbox Live have been sent reports on your cheating... I would also like to point out that we are currently drafting up an email to G4tv and ESPN about the shame you have brought to the gaming community.
No doubt, your sponsored team will also come under fire for this...
Thank you for hearing us out...
Hey "Asshat", William Bennett called. He wants his penis back!!!
Can these Accusations be TRUE???!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Representative for Major League Gaming (MLG) released this statement to the press:
We take these allegations against Agent Arenas very seriously. For an MLG player/owner to be found guilty of these charges would be a very serious breach of conduct. If our investigation finds merit to these allegations, our offices will act swiftly to protect the honor of our industry. Agent Arenas would be demoted from his rank of Colonel Grade 1. He would be stripped of his body armor. In addition, we would place Mister Arenas on a 2 year term of probation, under which he would be required to play all online HALO campaigns during this period as the character "Q*bert". We feel this to be fitting, given that Q*bert is the only player character in professional gaming history to have an asterisk officially added to his name.
MLG isnt the only one taking action:
Mark Ecko has cancelled his shoe collaboration with Gilbert!
And Club Centipede has withdrawn Gilberts VIP Membership!
Also, this isnt the First Time Gilbert's gaming ethics have been called into question:
-In 2006, the captain of Gilbert's Pro HALO team, David "Walshy" Walsh tested positive for Lik-M-Aid. It was his first positive test and he was not suspended.
-In 2005 at the World Cyber Games (WCG) Grand Final in Singapore, someone placed a $1 Million dollar bet on the Ogre Twins from an offshore account. Who are the Ogre Twins? Key members of Gilbert's Final Boss HALO team. The Ogres brought home the gold, and the man who placed the bet, one Mr. "Angel Rarebits", took home a clean million dollars. What do you get if you re-arrange the letters in "Angel Rarebits"??
Thats right: "Gilbert Arenas"!!
-In 2003, Federal Agents conducted a raid on the Bay Area laboratories of thumb specialist Bart Kelly. The raid turned up vials of possum testosterone and a client list that included the name of Gilbert Arenas. Gilbert denied any knowledge of Mr Kelly or possums.
-In 2001, an unnamed source testified to gaming authorites that a Pitfall Explorers patch that Gilbert proudly wears on his vintage Intellivision High Scorers Club jacket, was in fact purchased from him by Mister Arenas at a recent gaming convention, and was not awarded by Intellivision for gaming merit.
-In 1998, Gilbert participated in a promotional Mario Kart tournie in Little Italy. Early into the competition, an N64 Game Shark was found in the public restroom, taped to the back of the toilet. Gilbert denied any knowledge of the Game Shark.
-In 1989,Gilbert, playing as the heavily favored "Mike Tyson", was knocked out in a shocking first round upset by his cousin Blue, playing as "Little Mac", in a game of "Mike Tsyons Punch Out!" for the Nintendo NES. The next day at school Gilbert was witnessed showing off some new comic books. Gilbert denies he threw the match.
-In 1983, at an unsanctioned match in a Miami KAYBEE toy store, Gilbert upset local champion Michael Quint at Atari 2600 Defender(tm) when Mr Quint was forced to forfeit because of suspicious lint in his cartridge. When confronted by Jim Gray, Gilbert responded tersely:"I'm not here to talk about the past."