Tuesday, April 24, 2007
We are the hollow men We are the stuffed men Leaning together Headpiece filled with straw. Alas! Our dried voices, when We whisper together Are quiet and meaningless As wind in dry grass Or rats' feet over broken glass In our dry cellar ....... Between the desire And the spasm Between the potency And the existence Between the essence And the descent Falls the Shadow...
This is the way the world ends Not with a bang but a whimper.
-The Hollow Men, T.S. Eliot
They sat together in the empty diner filled with cracked china Old news was blowing across the filthy floor and the sign on the door read "this way out", that's all it read that's all it said
-Abandoned Luncheonette, Hall & Oates
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Game One is in the books, which means its time for our traditional:
2007 WIZARDS PLAYOFF PREVIEW!!!!!
No sooner had LORD HAVISHAM dusted off the victory cake, than NBA ANALISTS handed the Wizards a frank diagnosis: ITS TERMINAL!
Team is told : "Youve got one week to live" Andray Blatche takes up smoking, maxes out Best Buy credit card, implores Susan OMalley: 'I dont want to die a virgin"
The team has all the momentum of a hippopotamus pregancy. They are like a dying tauntaun, we can just hope to climb into its warm carcass and wait out the endlessly bitter Hoth night!!! Even the SUpreme COurt starts trash talkin; : "no late-term abortions playing in my house!!".
Some people hold out hope!
They say: "The Wiz will play loose and confident because like dying folks the WIz have nothing to lose!"
Yes they do have something to lose! They have their lives to lose and they will be losing them much faster and with more hurting than most people! They have games to lose! 4 games! And also some of the players might lose their jobs.
What they SHOULD say is "Wiz have nothing to win!"
Its not about dying with dignity. In fact, the only thing we have left is the power of dying WITHOUT dignity. Wiz goal should be to die the least dignified death ever died. They need to lose these games so dreadfully, so painfully, and desperately, with moans and urine and loud cursing, so that Cleveland will turn their eyes away, and be filled with a deep guilt and species shame and be so sickened and horrified to see fellow ballers suffering so that it will snuff out all joy and competitive fire forever and cleveland will be forever stained and stumbling with the pointless, lost gait of a man who has seen another mans, and therefore all men's, ultimate ruin.
Playoff Bacon: Hi-Lites from a Salty April and May
THE 2K7 BREAKDOWN
DeShawn Stevenson is one of Washingtons better defenders. Which means he doesnt actually cry when he gives up an easy bucket. When he is on, he is a threat to score from anywhere on the court. Known for his signature call : "I Cant Feel My Face!" which has proven much more popular with the fans that Jahidi White's old motto "I Can Feel Your Thighs But The Judge Says I Can't"
Antonio Daniels: With Agent Zero on the campaign trail, the team is counting on 'The Brown Hornet' to pick up the SWAG. Daniels attacks the rim with the reckless gusto and long odds of an elderly mans sperm!!
Larry Hughes: COld Mountain is something of a mystery. He plays both ends of the floor: paycheck-to-paycheck. Hes a cool as a shoplifter. He never sweats, but only because he has his NBA per diem stuffed down the front of his shorts
Sasha Pavlovic is a very popular meringue cake in the australian suburbs!
As we like 2 say: LeBron James is a nice face for the NBA, especially if the NBA is about to cry!
Lebron is many things: A Pirate Queen, a marketing host cell, an Applebees Objectivist, a scowling nail biter, Americas bloated spiritual corpse, a bull moose, a suburbo-corporate muse, a child monomanic, and above all, a bully.
He displays the dim posturing of someone who knows only their own strength. Like a comic book hero, the King James legend is paper thin and its ink has barely dried and rubs off on yo fingers.
Antwan Jamison is everyman's dream: the prettiest and easiest girl at the dance! And keep an eye on his playoff eyebrows!
Jarvis Hayes: with Caron and Gil sidelined, guys like COnstable Hayes have to step in and produce. Alas, as a subsititute Wizard, Hayes is as bonafide asHarry Potter and The Golden Turtle!!
Zydrunas Ilgauskas is a special player. You can hardly notice his prosthetic leg!
Drew Gooden is a fat mans Juwan Howard. He has been sporting a duck tail hairdo in honor of National Vagina Awarness Month.
Cleveland: Aka the Slow Twitch AllStars.
Eric SNow: still round, still choclately, still delcious!
Ira Newble: runs a brisk trade at his family's diamond district jewelry shop. Yet still wont sell Eric a ring!
Scott Pollard and Lady Vanderson: U think having a special hairstyle shows the world you are inconclastic that u have flair, and are unique free spirits. 5 WORDS for you: David Schwimmer watches 'The Apprentice'
DOnyell Marshall: the baritone baseliner. I like DOnyell, but the CGI effects are so obvious when u watch on hi-def. You can totally see the pixels.
DC: Cleveland bench is thin on bigs. Washingtons bench is big on thins! The DC bench is like the 5th child, the wonky accident baby, who was pretty much left to be raised by his older siblings. And the suddenly the parents are like, "Hey, whatsyourname? Can you drive a car yet?" Watching this second unit launch up shots is like a John Woo movie: a complex choregoraphy of missed shots recorded from every conceivable angle. Balls be bouncin off tha glass like a koked up kangaroo in a penthouse.
THE INTANGIBLES Wiz got this wrapped up. Sez Michael Ruffin:
"I dont worry too much about that. Im very tangible. SO was my dad. I come from a real long line of tangibles."
EXTRA CREDIT QUESTION:
On his blog, after announcing his presidential candidacy, Agent Zero dropped the following tease like he was jared jeffries tossing fresh chum into the anacostia river on his annual fishing trip:
Big Announcement And I got a big, big, big announcement to make in a couple days. A real big one. To me, it’s really that big. It might be Saturday or Sunday, it might be the first home game here in Washington. It’s big. It’s good, oh man.
Here’s a hint: there’s going to be four million of them. That’s the only hint I can give you.
4 million WHAT!!???????
Is Gil gonna hand out $40,000 worth of newly minted Black Presidential pennies? Did a crate of Nigerian election ballots fall of a truck? Has he scored some cheap Oxycontin at the police auction? Is he importing cane toads?? Is he going to offer ownership shares in the Lightening Jack remake ?????
Get on those comments a give us your predictions!!!