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Tuesday, April 17, 2007
 
THIS HAS BEEN A GREAT PRE-SEASON!!!
When do the real games begin?


WHile the Wizards straggle about like a mangy dog eating its own caca, some interesting off-court developments catch our eyes this week:

MICHAEL RUFFIN GROWS A PLAYOFF BEARD!

I thought thin "playoff beards" were Tom Brady's department??!!!!


ETAN THOMAS GETS HASSLED IN AN OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE

What was Etan doing in an Outback Steakhouse?
Was he advocating equal pay for the aboriginal crouton chefs?
Or was he taking advantage of the bonus per diem that Wiz players receive in exchange for Ernie Grunfeld chartering Outback's "BLOOMIN ONION 1" airship to fly in coveted free agents?

But most troubling:

AGENT ZERO IS GOING CRAZY!!!

gilbert arenas bidet

For Gilbert losing the ability to run is just uncruel and unnatural, like pushing a waxed wombat down a slide. He cant bare it. Just lying there in the dark, listening to the gentle and pitiless lapping of the bidet, feeding the steady gurgle of visions in his mind. The worlds greatest dreams often begin at the lip of a fountain, as do its greatest nightmares...

We are worried about what this isolation will do to Gil.
We see 3 possibilities:


1. Gilbert loses all passion for the gaame and descends into deep spiral of depression that ends in a all-points bulletin involving Arenas, his half-brother Blue, a shipment of soviet-era ham and a Tampa-area Blimpies.

2. Gilbert summons all his inner drive and recommits himself even further to the game he loves.

3. Gilbert finds Jesus.

"Dear Lord. I know I havent slept in 5 days. But I knew when I saw David Duchovneys naked ass on "The Rapture" DVD last night that it was a sign. My health is low. I am out of ammo. If you stand with me at this time of need and help me defeat the Final Boss and get through to the next level I promise you I will dedicate my life to spreading the word."

Gilbert is forever changed. He renounces all his swag. He forgives all snubs. He abolishes all locker room area codes. He plays Gospel Gangstaz songs on his MySpace page. He becomes a faith healer, emboldened by a pair of unlikely miracles:

-He lends Peter John Ramos' mother-in-law some Bonds medicated powder and cures her athelete's foot.

-He returns sight to a homeless man at the Bethesda Metro by flushing a dead gnat out of his eye with Vitamin water.

BUT AS IT TURNS OUT, GILBERT HAS BEEN BUSY HATCHING A NEW AND DRAMATIC PHASE IN THE TAKEOVER!!!

Dan Shanoff first floated the rumor...

And now Wizznutzz are proud to announce the OFFICIAL launch of the

OBAMA/ARENAS 2008 BLACK PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN!

America may be ready for a black president, but is it ready for TWO?

Well we are, and we got the freshest new all-american black power SWAG to prove it!








Its the political seasons hottest Beltway insider fashion!!!
All the movers and shakers are scooping these up! Even Mitt Romney, he stashes his rollies and child porn under it!

Show your support!!! Like the COnstitution says, there is no higher calling than representation, so represent, represent!!!!

Check out our

Official OBAMA/ARENAS campaign page

to see where the candidates stand on the pressing issues of the day and vote for the official campaign theme song!

HOP ON THE COMMENTS BOARD and tell us the Black President's cabinet positions you'd like to see created and who will fill them!!!

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posted by wizznutzz
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