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Friday, April 20, 2007
 
Our Interns are canvassing downtown Cleveland for exclusive scoops (Did you know CLeveland has no Asian people?? tru fact, look it up)

SO Stay tuned for weekend PLAYOFF PREVIEW

but for now, much more important news...


AGENT ZERO HIMSELF CONFIRMS THE OBAMA/ARENAS BLACK PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN!!!!

ITS OFFICIAL!!!

GET YOUR SWAG!!!

The campaign is in full swing!

We have converted the DUCKWAGON, our charity/edutainment van into the official STRAIGHT TALC DONUT EXPRESS campaign tour bus!!!

ENDORSEMENTS START COMING IN AS AGENT 0 and SENATOR O START ASSEMBLING CABINET:

-Deadspin is on board!
WILL LEITCH is named "MINISTER FOR POEMS AND LIVESTOCK"


-Washington Post's Daniel STEINZ is on board!
Appointed as official Press-Secretary, aka Media Assassin. Offered hat allowance and vocal coach!


-Time Magazine's mega-blogger Ana Marie Cox aka 'Wonkette' is on board!
Tabbed to ghost write authorized biography of Supreme Court Justice Nesby!

-Dan Shanoff is on board!
No job offers yet though he is introducing himself to voters as "The Black George Stephanopolous"

-All the hot bloggers back the ticket:

-Political Blogs!

-Black Blogs!

-Gilbert Blogs!


MORE BREAKING CAMPAIGN NEWS:


-PDiddy is hosting a fundraiser next weekend at the Baileys Crossraods ARbys.
$6,000 a head buys you VIP seating, the "HANG TIME SEASON 1" DVD, and bottomless tax-deductible jamocha shakes!!

-We have commissioned the official Presidential Portrait!

-ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT FOILED!
SOmeone tampered with Gilberts Bidet!!
Luckily Gil was clear of the blast and when he saw the flames, yelled "HIBACHI!", called security, and cooked them breakfast right over the deadly can!!

-Secret Service detail appointed to protect Awvee Storey!!!
Do you know what the Secret Service code name is for Awvee???
Hop on the comments board and tell us!!!

-Gilbert moves into Barack Obamas SoHo Island in online universe of 'Second Life'
Builds glass gymnasium, unicorn zoo, retires to virtual couch!

-Claim by former college roomate that Gilbert "used cheat codes" dismissed as "politcally motivated"

-Arsenio Hall invites Gilbert to play the Saxaphone on his show!

-In a move to consolidate power, AGENT "00" aka Weng Weng is appointed head of the FBI. Opens "Un-American Activities" file on Mike Krzyzewski!

-Jerry Stackhouse books 8-day sleepover in Lincoln Bedroom!

-Black Presidents vow to balance budget by dissolving the military, replacing it with a spartan army of the countrys finest 300 soldiers!

- Gil takes 'Vagina Power' host Alexyss Tylor out for a $2.99 plate of shrimp at Long John Silvers, gets prayed up, offers her position of US Surgeon General!



When he asks her about how he can improve his defense, she advises:

"with a penis all up in your vagina, man you dont have no defenses!"

-August Strindberg scores book deal to write sequel to Fear And Loathing On the Campaign Trail, and a whole spin-off line of "Fear and Loathing" books, loads up Cadillac with hay, absynthe, ether and angst.

VOTE FOR THE BLACK PRESIDENTS!!

Stuff the ballot box next November!
U know Gilbert will be!

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posted by wizznutzz
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