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Friday, January 05, 2007
 


THE WHOLE TOWN IS GOING CRAZY ABOUT THE JOLLY SWAGMAN'S BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!

Everyone is going!
Even OGRE2!
So WHeres our invite Gil?
August Strindberg has the 'GROWN MAN LOOK'!!

James Lang and Andray Blatche are buzzing about the big Ball like a couple of younger sisters from a Jane Austen novel!

In fact as Goodie Steniz covers, whole wide world is flipping for Zero, including:

-NYTimez welcomes 'Arenas Live'

-Going Darko Into The Night likens Gils charmz to "Rudy with a straitjacket "

-Bullets 4EVA has Gilbert factoids

Meanwhile Agent Bog continues to nobely defend Wizznutzz claim to "Agent Zero"! If we were going into foxhole with someone to watch our backs it would be Agent Bog. Actually it would be Laura Govan's legal team, then Agent Bog second. But if not for Steniz, Agent 0 takeover would never even be! We were just the seed! Steniz, you were the penis!

And now Agent Zero is dropping... 1 MILLION DOLLARS on his birthday bash!

Did Gils NBA per diem go up? "Financial" must have spat out the pruno when they heard that request! But i think its another great TAkeover masterstroke. U gotta spend money to make money. Having top-shelf party in DC where idea of celebrity sighting is Ruth Ginsberg sleeping at Old Ebbit Grill is a genius PR move. It will mean more magazine covers, more All Star votes from fans, and thus more endorsement green and more contract leverage!

Still... a MILLION DOLLARS!
What does a man get for his brithday for a million dollars???
Wizznutzz got hold of secret party-planning files and we have inside info on what that Million dollars buys!:


--Well for one you get party hosted by P Diddy.
U get MOGUL STYLE. Not like Tracey Murrays BDay bash last year. he wanted to cut corners and had his hosted by 'Society of Young Asian-Americans'. YOU THINK THAT PARTY MADE THE PAPERS?. Gilbert was there.
CHECK OUT THE PICTURES!!!
You can see from look on his face that Gilbert learned from that mistake.

--SPECIAL BLACK AMEX invites



These are very XClusive.
Bouncers will be checking out for counterfeits, especially the following:



Gilbert is on top of the world right now, everyhting is going his way, he has the midas touch... but we wizznutzz have this sinking feeling its all going to unravel one day soon at the hands of AWVEE STOREY and come crashing down. Awvee has a part to play in this still! Awvee is not just embarrassing like Billy Carter, hes a liability, he's Fredo in Godfather - no - he's like Sean Penn's character in Falcon And the Snowman, who blows the whole gig for Tim Hutton because of his sloppy volatile wheeling dealing wayzz!!! BEware the Ides of Awvee , agent Zero!!!

--TWO VIP ROOMS!
We know gilbert doesnt socialize much. He doesnt even have a family except his dad and his Dad will be spending the whole night trying to impress his date Glenn Frey.. SO Gilbert will protect himself through double VIP rooms.
The first VIP room will be an exact replica of the oval office and he will instruct security to bar himself entry to it, so he will be snubbed and extra motivated at his party!!. then he will retire to his second VIP room, a low-altitude VIP room, by himself, where he will monitor whole party from giant TV monitors and pretend he is controlling it all like its a giant game of SIMS SUPERSTAR!!


--IN THE PARKING LOT:
A COMPLETE LIFE SIZE BAMBI NATIVITY SCENE
will be constructed using live deer!

--GUESTS WILL DINE AT TABLES...
made from imported japanese elm!! with inlaid hibachi grills!

--LAVISH MEAL will include:
-black truffle and fois gras half smokes
-french dressing imported from Languedoc
-gold label capri sun

-fine austrian pastries, dusted with talcum powder

--Hip Hip luminaries can take advantage of
PIT BULL DAY CARE !!!
that Qyntel Woods will be running out back.

--All guests will receive
Sikorski Crystal-encrusted Moomintrolls!!!!


--British "it" artist Damien Hirst commissioned to create massive provocative sculptural formaldehyde and glass centerpiece called:

"STOUT BITCH"



--ALL STAR HOUSE BAND: "THE 2 MUCH DRAMAS"
featuring Chico DeBarge, Nils Lofgren and C Webb together on stage for first and final time!

--PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY
with real argentinian mules!




--AND TONS OF CELEBRITY CAMEOS:

-Susan OMalley will be running "speed dating" in the lounge!
-'Sweet Ambassador" Gheorge Muresan will be working the room as a cigarette girl, handing out his mixed lollies!
-Representatives from CHristian Laettners Divine Church of Machosensual Sciences will have a booth where guests can be scanned with 'V-METER(tm)' to test for VANGLORIAN LEVELS and then recommended a course of grooming products to help them reach 'CLEAR' status
-Special Celebrity Mens Room Attendant: DAMON JONES!



Make sure to Check back this weekend:

Daily Bacon veteran Rex Immensae Majestatis Chapman will have full party coverage!!!

Meantime, its FREE SHIPPING over at the mothering hut!!!

Send in those fashion shots for our gallery!

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