First we need to touch on major scoop while watching bowl games at the Belmont TV in Wheaton: Gilbert Arenas has a cousin named Javier Arenas who plays football at Alabama and returns kicks for touchdowns in Petro-Bowl!! Javier's profile seems to suggest that there is a whole new untapped branch on the Arenas family tree, including cousins Jeno, Armando, and Jetta!!! This is an overwhelming incite and we are wondering why Agent Steinz didn't unearth this by now. Dana is busying modifying the Wizznutzz xmas cards list as we speak!
Speaking of which, we were originally going to send "Black Christmas" cards, but we could not trademark before Wilbon sold the naming rights to some movie producer. First Agent Zero, then this. Next thing you know, someone will be copyrighting the moomintroll! Luckily, Jaarko is currently enrolled in special patent class at University of Helsinki to prevent future trademarking snubs.
We are taking final stock of the holladaze here at Wizznutzz HQ and I would like to share the Wizznutzz gift list for the Bullets players and distended family. We were supposed to send these presents out two weeks ago, but I just found out that Ken has been in the mothering hut with them and says he is herpetically sealing all of the packages himself. So maybe we have to delouse them again before we mail.
Anyways, here is a small sample of what all of us at Wizznutzz HQ had on the wishlist for our favorite Wizz stars:
- Agent Zero to Sixty: What do you give the person that has everything? That's easy, but does it come in gold and black?
- Tuffjuice: The perfect gift for the junkyard dog of any family, an original LP single of the JYD's trademark song "Grab Them Cakes!!!!"
- Coach Eddie: Limited lithograph copy of article when "ReMax" Jerry Stax credited EJ as the reason he signed a contract extension!! Framed and signed by G Wiz and Stack!
- MRuff: Lifetime membership to Scary Squirrel Dot-Org!! the only institution that fears squirrels more than Michael does!
- Calbert Cheaney: On Calbert's behalf, we tried to convince Rex Chapman to give him back his Naismith award, which Rex won in a season-long game of bridge while roommates on road in historic 1993-1994 season. Rex played special prank by re-gifting Calbert the Naismith award that belongs to Sister Christian!! I bet you didn't even know Wizz had two Naismith award winners. We could have had Lionel Simmons, too, but he is allergic to bacon!
- James Lang: Bas-relief copy of his original 10-day contract with the Asheville Altitude!!
If you have any incites for gifts for the Wizz family, please post them in comments section! Maybe Ken will have them sent out by February.
