Now our favorite AFRO-APHORIST, the GRENADIN' GRENADIAN, THE VERNACULAR SPECTACULAR, is all over the interwebs like a hillbilly on his Moms. And Tan is ANgry! I & Irate!!
First Etan scolds us for selling christmas like we were Mike Jordan selling sneaks on a welfare line! Etan reminds us what Xmas is really all about: you dont gotta be lining up at KB at dawn to get your hands on a Tickle Me Jesus!!
We were playing a home game against Cleveland, and after a timeout a referee with dark, slicked-back hair (who shall remain nameless) approached me. He said that he had heard that I write poetry, have a book, speak at universities, am into politics, etcetera, and he asked me if this was true.
I replied, Yes.
To my surprise, he responded: "You're not as dumb as you look."
I turned toward my teammate Antawn Jamison, who also heard the exchange, and we both looked back at this ref with eyes of bewilderment, as if to say that we couldn't have possibly heard him right.
He saw that I was in no way amused, without even the slightest hint of a smile, and attempted to clean up his statement, saying, "Well I think it's great, I could never do anything like that..." I simply nodded my head and returned to the game.
Sometimes someone can make a statement that is so unbelievably blatant that it renders you speechless, left without a response or reaction, until you think about it at a later date. This was one of those times for me.
I could have interpreted this as a bad joke by a referee who should be more focused on making the correct calls than telling jokes that aren't funny. Or I could take this as a blatant slap in the face. I could make the connection to a larger problem in society that deals with obliviousness and stereotypes. Is it an unfortunate reality that many people are still dwelling in the pit of ignorance?
...Why is it beyond the realm of imagination that I could possibly write poetry, have an interest in politics and can express my opinion in a public forum? ...would he have had the same reaction to Darko Milicic, Rasho Nesterovic or Nenad Krstic?
I'm not looking to squeeze an apology from him; don't even want one. Why would he apologize for the way that he feels? That's like Michael Richards apologizing for his racist, hateful rant. Not likening the referee to Kramer, but don't apologize for something you're not sorry about. If you simply regret that people may look at you differently as a result of your feelings, well, that's an apology you can keep.
Now We R used to ET aka the METRIST METROSENSUAL speaking with a braveheart but this is bombastic fantastic, foir real!! I love Tan as much as any man, Im #1 Aesthetic supporter, but i must ask: Is Etan turning into the black PHIL MUSHNIK??
Doth Etan protest too much?? Why is he so angry?? We have some answers, but like when Ledell Eackles went through puberty, its mostly questions.
"would he have had the same reaction to Darko Milicic, Rasho Nesterovic or Nenad Krstic?"
No he wouldnt. But If it had been Darko, Rasho or Nenad, then what would the ref have said?: Maybe he would have said: "hey which mass grave did u roll out of slobo?" so hate-wize, its much of a muchness
If you really want to know if the refs are racist or any other question about them, why dont you just turn around and ask your teammate Agent Zero? Gilbert Arenas has studied more video of the Zebras than Marlin Perkins!!!
Gil would tell u what the rest of us already know, that NBA referees are many things: oily, misanthropic, awkward, beady-eyed, outcasts and that they are only tolerated for their skills of running backwards, whistling, framing expensive replica bomber jackets, and providing Michael Jordan with whorez. But above all they are harmless and sad.
WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY?
Is it really because of what our great blackfaced president calls the "soft bigotry of lowered expectations"?? Or...
and thought the crown was yours til Bren knocked u out of the ring by rhyming
"shandies aint my drink" with "panties tinted pink"
Or Is it because...
David Stern wants to put Allen Iverson in a bowtie? Because "The Negro Problem" is a essay by WE DuBois but is also a popular phrase at the Stern dinner table? Because commisioner puts the COLON in NEO-COLONIALISM?? Because when Popeye Jones told the media to start calling him by protest nickname: "THE OTHER" , D Stern squashed it because when it comes to his black ballerz Stern likes 'Ups' but not 'Uppities'?
Or Is it because...
When Kramer started droppin NBombs - SAY IT AINT SO COSMO! - you didnt get invited to participate in the big Civil Rights Kramer Summit with Jesse and Al? Even though you saw hypocrisy of it all, and knew that other Seinfeld cast members been getting away with racism for years, like time Jason Alexander tossed car keys to Andre Braugher at the Emmys and said "park it in the shade boy" or when Julia Louise Dreyfuss said on red carpet at BET luncheon "many of my friends are macacas!" or when Jerry tried out his hideous joke at Washington Correspondents Dinner:
"What's up with black men!? Black men are like airline peanuts, they like to travel in packs and I no longer allow my wife to enjoy them in bed!"
BUT I DOnt think its any of those things. I think for Etan its something much more personal and close to home
Etan is a millionaire yes, and an famous NBA superstar yes, and has Syracuse education yes so how come he can pile 100 mattresses on top of eachother and still feel the tiny lump of Steve Blakes body disturbing his sleep? Maybe it is just because of all those very things. Maybe he feels disconnected and unreal and neutered by booksmarts and fame, and ETan is Black Rapunzel trying to lower dreads down to his peeps from top of his ivory tower.
Did u read "The Invisible Man"?? No , not the Jim Lynam guide to seducing virgins, but the book by Ralph Ellison? Neither did wizznutzz, but we heard the audiobook read by Jim Dale, and in the Invisible Man there is a narrator and he has no name. I'll call him "Johnny Reboulet". SO Johnny Rebs is a young blackman years back and he strives and strives to climb out of his mothering hut of inequality and he gets awarded scholarship to a fancy college by the white man but he has this dream that when he opens scholarship it is really a letter and it says... "Keep that Nigger Boy Running"
Maybe this is Etans fear that all his successes in education and edutainment is just part of white conspiracy to divert the smart black man into safehouse of thoughts and letters so he doesnt cause any trouble, so he dont rally the troops, so he dont sell $15 fair-trade sneaks, so he dont run for Gov or run the banks and so he will listen to Huey Lewis and not Huey Newton?
Maybe Etan wants to stir his brothers to action, but finds he cant speak their language anymore. ANd finds instead that he is caught is the pliant contradictory space of the modern black man: authentic vs inauthentic, resistance vs participation, Gucci vs RocaWear! He goes to move the crowd by unpacking his backpack raps, but he looks around and what does he see? XXXL feminized playas in denim PJs and puffy coats and retarded Nike string satchel bags, the beta testers for late-capitalism, MAD. Avneue's coal mine canaries, and he thinks about what Antoine de Saint-Exupery sayz: "Are we making chewing gum for men or men for chewing gum?" and he weeps. I mean have you seen those Nike string packs? They are so flimsy You cant even carry a book in one of those let alone a black mans burden or your ancestors struggles. the struggle could just reach its hand out the pack, undo the cord, and get up inside your North face and start texting your woman!
And maybe he feels the same way about the NBA. In "The Invisible Man", Johnny Reboulet gets his scholarship by winning a contest called the BATTLE ROYAL. No thats not when Royal Ivey had bad Indian food! It was a contest where a bunch of black men were taken into a room full of rich white dudes, and they had to put on white blindfolds and have a humiliating brawl so whiitey could laugh at them reduced to savages. Maybe Tan feels NBA is a grotesque Battle Royal, and NBA players are no more than postmodern primitive edutainment and that DSTern has to always finetune his exotic circus aka The Association thru discipline so it wont become a White Flight Simulator??
But maybe thats all like Scoop Jackson or executive nachos washed down with Capri Sun and vodka: too much too stomach. And maybe ETAN actually secretly enjoys to think thats all the case, cause its romantic to think of himself as part of the great struggle and he misses the old days of uprise and the cause and protest and panthers and sermons and he mistakes his NBA blog for the steps of the Lincoln memorial and hes just a reenactor and a revolutionary cratedigger and thats why he thinks Gil Scott Heron's grocery shopping lists are poetic TRUTH and why he only plays the same few game cartridges for his old Atari over and over: Soul On Ice Hockey, Tommie Smiths Ghetto Defender, March On Washington RPG and Activisions Sit-In . while all new kids went out and got Intellivisions and are rolling over hi scorez in TJJAKES Online Godpoker and Call Of Duty: The S1Ws And the Battle for Dusseldorf?
because maybe Etan is speaking a dead language to them, sure its a colassal language but the dinosaurs and gheorge muresan were colussal and there is a reason Shakira doesnt speak Latin!!!!!!
Perhaps Etan is angry because he likes to think he's in a Battle Royal, while in reality hes just in a lockerroom battle between James Lang and Gilbert over some deoderant.
Etan wants to be in Ralph Ellison's world but really hes just in Pervis Ellisons!
Maybe fame and college degrees means Etan has arrived, but maybe their is no joy in arrival. Look at ABBA on the cover of "ABBA ARRIVAL". They are in a cool expensive helicopter sure, but it is a grounded helicopter, and they are just 4 untouchable Swedes stuck inside a glass bowl. Yes they should be happy in their fur coats, but look how glum they are, because the real thrill is the hunt - the spoils are just dead pelts.