Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Its a long season and the NBA tries to keep fans interested in the early going with novelty stunts like "throw back" nights, where teams don retro jerseys when they take the floor. But this is growing older than half-smoke fridays at the Strickland household. SO wizznutzz propose the league introduce...
"Throw Back Coaches Nights"
where today's sideline sarges bust out the old school duds from back in the day. Lets look at some of the possibilies:
Bernie Bickerstaff
Bernie cut a Bella Figura before he became the Butterstuff we know today! This mod double-breasted number is fitted, cold, cool, continental and was bigger in the clubs than a Salsoul 12 inch!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Hubie Brown
Since he took a post as a Dementor guarding Hogwarts, most of us don't associate Hubie Brown with hi-fashion. Here Hubie makes hard work look like leisure, with patent leather shoes, black polyester waders and a keen double knit safari suit with vintage tapestry and beige-on-beige overstitching. Is Hubie coaching a team or 'Takin It To The Streets' front row at a Doobie's show?!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Ray Scott
I didn't know Don Cornelius had a day job! Ray is a sideline soul brother number 1 with his floral print lapels and muscle fit zoot cut from poor man's denim and adorned with fashionable military epaulets. Dig that medallion! You cant see his feet but no doubt Sugar Ray is togged to the bricks in late-model Dingos, the only boot for the trend-conscious black athlete.
[One of those Dingo Kids grew up to be... Washington Bullets own Andrew Gaze! Boom goes the Wallaby!] . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Doug Collins
The Alex P Keaton blue blazer and power tie say "I don't follow the rules, I make them" while the cuban heels and perm tell the world "I'm a greasy yes-man!"
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Pat Riley
Riles' sports the popular early 80s Cuban-American look known locally as "Import/Export." The way the hi-lux chalk-stripe fitted silk dress shirt struggles against his tanned brute chest suggest the shifting fortunes of survival and success for the young immigrant South Beach coke dealer. As an NBA coach, Riley is like Diego Maradona: he has The Hand of God -- and The Nose of Tony Montana!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Lenny Wilkins
Nobody loved a chicken-skin suit more than Lenny 'Grey Poupon' Wilkins! Its a crying shame the NBA banned them. And assistant coach Kurt Vonegut don't look so shabby his own damn self!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Phil Jackson
The Zen Master really knows how to coordinate! The blousy charcoal suit is all business, but the colorful tie is spalshed with tropical happiness, and says "Fun!" Though the trend has moved elsewhere for now, ties likes this will continue to provide a little stripe of joy to our lives, right up until Paula Poundstone uses one to hang herself.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Eddie Jordan
No thats not a gym towel around his neck, it's a giant butterfly party collar boasting Redskin burgundy and gold and the wingspan of Manute Bol at a roadside sobriety test. Eddie has said if he wasn't a coach he would be a school teacher, like a black Gabe Kaplan!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Jack Ramsey
Loud and proud! Before the NBA had fashion turned on its head by Dennis The Meance, styles ran more Mr. Wilson! Ever since he was a boy, Jack knew what he wanted to be when he grew: an angry old bastard! In these motel interior caddyshack slacks, it's no wonder Parade Magazine once name C.I.L.F. Ramsey one of America's 50 Most Stylish Seniors - when he was only 19!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Larry Brown
But no one was a fashion pionner like Off-Broadway Brown!
"Oh where did all those yesterdays go?? "
We pulled just a small sample from his magic closet:
Rainbow striped sweater! It's gayer than Tom Selleck in a razor commercial! Larry looks like he's directing a production of Godspell!
Larry dressed to meet Bianca and Liza for the postgame at Studio 54! With his satin mural print shirt, and dramatic Maximo loon pants, Coach is more eager than Steve Rubell snuffing blow off the culo of a naked mexican busboy!
Larry puts the "man" back in Manilow! Sure the broad cloth collar was big with the Yacht Rock crowd at the time, but this practically screams "Ahoy Califonia Vagina Sailors!" And the extra-snug, quilted denim jeans reveal that Larry has always been "under the cap."
Finally, this patchwork Marlo Thomas jumpsuit begs the question:
