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Things to Do in Richmond When You're Dead
Thursday, September 28, 2006
 
Hello once again. I've been laid up with a bad case of the gout for the past few weeks, but luckily my associate Schoenfeld's Donut has taken up the slack and produced this amazing visitor's guide for those of you traveling to VCU next week. I'll be back to my normal posts soon, but until then let the Donut guide you through the magical land of Renardo Dixon (no clear relation to Juan, except for mutual appreciation of antibacterial hand sanitizer).

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Since Daily Bacon knows many of the flock are preparing for annual pilgrimage to the RIC (think ATL with even more bigotry) for Wizz overnight camp, we present first annual "Sights and Sounds of Camp" as a guide to fun events, happenings, and things to do in the Capital of the Confederacy when not attending 12:00 p.m. to 12:10 p.m. portion of practice open to the public.

The following places are listed in descending order of "most likely location of Party Jon and Andray15801 when they are late to practice." Without further ado, here is DB interns own Not For Tourists guide.

C.A.R.R.S.S. -- Cory Alexander's Rims, Racing, Sound and Security
4300 West Broad St.
Yes this is the former UVa baller's shop and it really is called C.A.R.R.S.S. and make sure to check out the CARRSS Clients link on the site. Lamont Trellington has also pointed out to make sure you're their next Thursday when Constable Hayes will have his ride's custom plates switched from "UGA 23" to "GD SV QUN" and will have the Superman symbol on the grill switched out for a custom chrome Buckingham Palace guardsman's hat. Also, new wiz 5th swingman DeShaun Stevenson will also be getting the big project done as he has not had the chance to visit this whip-mecca.

Richard's Rendezvous
4410 W. Broad St.
No explanation needed save to say you need a website membership to view reviews of this fine establishment. Be sure to avoid direct eye contact with Ernie G. when he's "holed up" for serious backroom negotiations. Legend tells this is the spot where Uncle Wes once tried to trade Chris Gatling and a drumstick for a double lapdance despite Gatling's not being on Wiz roster at time.

Boyhood home of Ben Wallace
Wizz fans should approach this sidetrip by not only remembering the manchild as a teenchild, but also remember we might not have magical cheeseboot recipe without having rid ourselves of his presence.

McLean's Restaurant
Broad St. about 7 blocks west of VCU campus although actual address is vague.
Trust us, online info about Richmond's crappiest, yet strangely popular 24 hour Diner is difficult to come by. Seems they're a little behind the times in certain ways, for example right in the middle of a bunch of old pictures of the staff next to the register is a shot of two cooks hugging, one black cook and one white cook in blackface. Like we said, "more bigotry". But a number of anonymous sources have confirmed this is the actual "pancake house" in Rare Essence's classic Overnight Scenario, apparently written after a memorable Freedom Classic VUU/VSU game.

Chiocca's Downstairs
425 N. Belmont St.
Jahidi "Taintrolls" White's favorite spot when he was smoking Kool's and forcing small sweaty men into steambaths. This is a smokedrenched, basement sandwich and booze shop in area known as The Fan that has named a sammy after Jahidi, "The Beast", and a second sandwich after his prey Stevie B., "The Beast Feast". Both are cooked on the original Star Broil-a-grill, sort of a half broiler, half grill, with a splash of nicotine and menthol perfection cooker. Remember their slogan, which Jahidi used to say to all his victims, Don't Gripe before you Bite!

Texaco -- West End
Trust us, just ask anyone where the gas station is you can drink at? They'll know what you're talking about and point you just out of town to what has to be the only "Gas n' Sip" in the world. Literally, you buy beers inside a Texaco and then sit on this huge porch and get after it. Very LaSooz. During Wizz camp, they also hock faux almost-AllStar cake.

-Schoenfeld's Donut

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posted by Lamont Trellington



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