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Wizards Draft Hammer, Sickle
Thursday, June 29, 2006
 
With all the corn-fed, apple-pie-eating, red-white-and-blue draft prospects available to the basketball team based in the capital of this great nation in which I am presuming you all live, it might seem strange that the Washington Wizards went "international" in this last draft, taking Oleksiy Pecherov from straight outta Ukraine and Vladimir Veremeenko, a native of Belarus.

But truth be told, many players from overseas have been coming to what formerly had truly been a National Basketball Association and dominating - for example, that guy who barely did anything in the NBA finals. What was his name? And that guy who plays for that team that always gets swept in the first round of the playoffs, whose name looks like it could be an American name if you added a couple letters. We're just going to have to accept that European players can be just as talented and disappointing as American players. And what team knows talent and disappointment better than the Wizards? So let's proceed straight to the FUN FAX!

Fun Fax 'Bout Pecherov
  • Pecherov currently plays for a French team called "Paris Basket Racing." He is on loan to this team from the Ukranian championship club "BC Kiev." Thus, playing for the Washington Wizards will actually qualify as a nominal upgrade.

  • Pecherov's current team also gave Tony Parker to the NBA, which means that, now that he has been drafted by an NBA team, Pecherov gets to date Nicolette Sheridan, I think.
  • According to the renowned Web site DraftExpress.com, Pecherov "has shown flashes of dominance, especially on the offensive end." In Paris, a team he chose in part based on the league's "exposure," he has been "successful in revealing [his] talent to the scouts." Watch out for this guy in the locker room!

  • You could use his FIBA league headshot in a Sally Struthers commercial.

  • According to the Associated Press, Pecherov "does many things adequately, but nothing in his game stands out," which should reassure Etan Thomas fans.


Fun Fax 'Bout Veremeenko
  • Here's a summary of Veremeenko's weaknesses from NBADraft.net: "His shot mechanics must improve. Has the athleticism but lacks the ball skills to play the SF position right now. He'll need to improve his ball handling ability. Has a tendency to get himself in foul trouble. He has a ways to go defensively. Needs to develop a better 3-pt shot." Also his "Strengths" include the fact that he is "one of the top Russian prospects" and "He is better now that he bulked up, but could still stand to put some more on." So we have a ways to go here. Check out the awesome left-arm tat, though - he can already mix it up art-wise with anyone in the league!

  • According to the CIA Factbook, a 1997 border treaty between Ukraine and Belarus 1997 "remains un-ratified due to unresolved financial claims, stalling demarcation and reducing border security." So Eddie Jordan better be prepared to break up fights between Pecherov and Veremeenko in the locker room.

  • However, again according to the Factbook, Belarus President Alexander Lukashenko "has steadily consolidated his power through authoritarian means. Government restrictions on freedom of speech and the press, peaceful assembly, and religion continue." So don't speak too freely around Veremeenko - we want to make him feel like he's at home here! That means you, Stephen A. Smith!


Bonus Fun Q & A

Q. How do you pronounce "Oleksiy" and "Veremeenko"?
A. Very carefully.

Q. Which one is the hammer and which one is the sickle?
A. A final decision on that will be made by Ernie "Dictatorship Ov Da Proletariat" Grunfeld after consulting with Uncle Wes and Kim Jong Il (subject to availability).

Q. Is it just me, or is Veremeenko like the emergency spare version of Pecherov?
A. It's just you.

Overall, this draft of tall, thin, white jump-shooters from former Communist countries should definitely reassure Gilbert that the Wizards are serious about winning a championship. Or at least about making the transition to a market economy.

...............................................
posted by Rex Immensae Majestatis Chapman
4 Comments | Permalink | Wizznutzz.com | RSS Feed

4 Comments:

We were overdue for an international player, and I guess when they decided to go Euro, they figured they'd go all out.

By zombie squirrels, at 9:21 AM  

awesome incites!

By darvin, at 9:48 AM  

Agent 0 has to be satisfied with these moves!! Hopefully we will get confirmation of his approval when he casts them as Russian operatives in his self-produced Adidas "Agent 0" ads.

Also, excellent nicknames! But if Hammer & Sickle don't stick, I would like to suggest one of them be named KOLD WAR (like L.Boogie, but more Ural Mountain than Cold Mountain).

Can Pops Mensah-Bonsu get on the summer league just for good measure? Also, no one drafted Jason "J-Mac" McElwain!!

By Lamont Trellington, at 11:18 AM  

dan grunfeld cried himself to sleep

By Unsilent Majority, at 1:04 PM  

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