X-Zards Get Ws in D. Y?
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
 
With the Wizards out of the playoffs, the heart of a Wizznutt turns to the Wizards still in the playoffs. Specifically, three-fifths of the Detroit Pistons' starting lineup.

As a former Detroiter turned Washington suburbanite, I have always held a special affection for the sports teams of the Motor City, but this is an unnatural reverse migration from the most powerful town in the free world to a city whose mayor may have reached heights of ridiculousness equaling Marion "Addiction Keeps Me from Paying Taxes" Barry. (I said "may have.")

As he does with many obvious things, Michael Wilbon also noticed this. But unlike yours truly, who was barred from the Pistons' locker room after I appeared in all my divine magnificence and blinded Elden Campbell, Salieri's Christoph Willibald Gluck was able to get some quotes:

"We talk about it all the time," Hamilton said before Game 2 against the Pacers. "The core of our success here in Detroit came from Washington. They had all of us. I don't know what they were doing, to tell you the truth. . . . One of my friends from D.C. told me: 'We've traded all the young players we've had here: Rasheed, Webber, Ben. . . . Watch them end up trading you.' A couple months later, they traded me.

"We all loved D.C., everything about it," Hamilton said. "Everybody there is hungry for a winner and it was exciting being a part of an organization that hasn't won and was on the verge of winning. We were all on the verge of winning -- and they broke everything up. I think they were all trying to win right now and they were trading old for young. It's like a pattern. It's hard to see change there because it happens over and over again. There might be something in the water at the MCI Center."

Rip, you're right. It's lead.


Wow! If all the Wizards players need to excel is to have toxic levels of lead removed from their water supply, Susan O'Malley must be rolling over in her grave for having refused that Britta sponsorship in favor of rolling out "Singles Night 2: Party at Peter's." (Wait - Susan O'Malley isn't dead?)

Still, we Wizznutzz support anyone who ever put on a Wizards or Bullets uniform, regardless of what ignomy they may get themselves into later. So let's tour the papers from yesterday to see what the former Zards thought about the team going into Game 1, and what they learned from their tenure in the city that never sleeps (on tacking on a rider to the housing for homeless veterans bill):

  • Rip: "If you're an average fan and you're watching us play, you're like: 'What's going on? Y'all are scaring me,' " he said, "but like I always say: 'If it ain't rough, it ain't right.' "

    Whoa doggie! That sounds like the kind of shower justice you only learn when your NBA experience includes a year or two with Jahidi White! Good to see the Wizzardd legacy keepin' on keepin' on!


  • Big Ben on Shaq: "He still gets it in the block," Wallace said. "(He) puts the shoulder in the chest and a couple of 'bows in the chops.

    "I ain't worried about any personal challenges. It's a team. I don't look at it as a personal challenge."

    Of course Ben is unintimidated by Shaq! Ben was traded for one of the most dominant big men of all time, if by "all time" you mean "from 1997 through 1999 in the city of Los Angeles, but not for the good team, or at least the team that was then good"! Shaq isn't worthy of walking one foot in his cheeseboots!


  • Sheed: Probably because of the ankle he rolled as tightly as he rolled other things while he was with the Portland "Trail" Blazers, Ra had no good quotes in today's papers. But we did learn something extremely disturbing: SHAQ LIKES SHEED'S MOMS!

    To quote:

    "Actually, Rasheed's mother and my mother are best friends," O'Neal said. "Rasheed has a beautiful great mother. It's not like Rasheed and I hang out all of the time, but respect is there."


    Of course it's not like Sheed and Shaq hang out all the time, since Shaq is apparently busy hanging with Sheed's mama. If Sheed was there, that could get ugly. I would hate to think that Sheed's infamous dalliance with Connie Unseld is coming back to haunt him karma-style at this late date.


Ex-Wizzards in 6! I'll be watching, if I can stifle my tears at what might have (still) been.

__

Why do you think players become so good after leaving Washington? Is it not being near Mark Plotkin anymore, or something less obvious? Edify us in the comment section below.

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posted by Rex Immensae Majestatis Chapman
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1 Comments:

FIRST EVER "CONNIE UNSELD" MENTION ON WIZZNUTZZ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we R changing our name to Connieunseldbitterlypoursherhusbandascotch DOT COM!!!!

By darvin, at 9:10 AM  

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