Uncle Wes' Summer Reading Lists
Monday, May 08, 2006
It's a well-established fact amongst the literati that Washington's professional basketball team was the first to assign mandatory summer reading material. Wes Unseld Sr. pioneered the trend, creating his first Uncle Wes' Summer Reading List in 1982, years before Phil Jackson would steal his thunder by forcing Kobe Bryant to read Rashomon. Wes even formed a No Girls Allowed: Father/Son Reading Club with Wes Jr. at MLK library!
Without further ado, here are some incites into the summer assignments of some of your Washington Bullets!!
Party John Ramos
Party John is making an effort to save his native Puerto Rico, which is collectively filing for bankruptcy.
PJ is bolstering the local economy by making his annual migration from his beloved Park club in downtown Roanoke to the Shining Star's wondrously non-bankrupt Condado Plaza Casino!
Assigned reading: "Disco Bloodbath"
Hiram is taking his annual trip abroad to the Hiram Fuller International Conference and Expo, the Parisian event that celebrates Hiram's namesake, the Hiram Fuller who traveled abroad in the 19th century to espouse the U.S. confederacy in his Grotton Papers!! His Uncle Wes Summer Reading List assignment is Ike Austin's infamous Crouton Papers!! This is even more amazing of a revelation since most of Ike's written work centers around intergalactic boogiemen who co-molest mankind, which was inspired by some long, hot Boca Raton summers with Duane Causwell and Voshon Lenard.
Assigned reading: "The Crouton Papers"
Donell is headed down to Birmingham to spearhead the re-naming of the UAB team nickname with his twin brother Ronell. It was determined that the UAB mascot, Blaze, connotes violent imagery. Especially after UAB undergrads started burning down churches in hate crimes! D/Ronell have suggested that maybe the team nickname Blazers should be renamed to Dragons. Other UAB faculty recommendations include Express, Sea Dogs, and Stallions.
Assigned reading: "The Bobbsey Twins and the Mystery of the Antisemitic Mummy"
The Poet spent most of the last month finalizing his own list of assigned reading, which he submitted to Uncle Wes for approval. I'll only list a few of the titles in order to save time. He is also working on his much-awaited follow-up to "More Than an Athlete," which is rumored to contain more critical pieces on Doug Collins, like his seminal work "Haters." He is also petitioning the NBA league office to make "conscientous objector" a qualified condition to go on injured reserve.
Assigned reading: "What's My Name, Fool? Sports and Resistance in the United States;" "Homage to the Lame Wolf: Selected Poems;" "
Doug is currently running player personnel for the Philadelphia 76ers. This summer, he is going to help neophyte Sixer Shavlik Randolph by cutting his steak for him and helping him develop a comfort zone with girls! Doug is participating in the Correspondence Summer Reading List via a special request to Uncle Wes for works that will help him mentor young Mr. Randolph.
Assigned reading: "Success through Failure: The Paradox of Design"
Wes Unseld Jr:
Wes Jr. is slightly uncomfortable with his assigned summer reading, although he said it is better than the 80's, when Wes Sr. made him read the same book every summer.
Assigned reading: updated Cleveland scouting report
That's all the info that I will share at this time. If you have any suggested reading material for a Bullet player, send it along and I will pass it on to Uncle Wes.