Tuesday, April 18, 2006
So Mike Wilbon flew in from Arizona, with his tumbleweed loyalties, to take in the wiz playoff clinching game and then goes home and takes cheap shots at the team in todayz column. Thanks for nothing April Mule! What Wilbon doesnt get is that his generation's Muhammad Ali is right under his nose in Gilbert Arenas and he is misssing the career making opportunity of a lifetime, off playing golf, eating old tired steaks with the old tired meat that is his former-athlete golf possee. Like in those old ESPN documentaries, with great old skool scribe Bob Lipsyte talking about his relationship with the amazing Ali, so one day 30 years from now will wizznutzz interns be gathered around a grey haired Ivan Carter, reminscing about the extraordinary personality of our good pal Agent ZERO while Mike WIlbon sits around a deconditioned sitdown DigDug machine at the Santa Fe Dave and Busters, complaining about how the turkey burgers are too cold.
But the rest of the world is taking notice finally, heres a sampling:
ONE:
USA TODAY WEEKEND MAGAZINE IS CHEWING THE GILLYWEED!!: They run piece last weekend on ...
"I think of myself as more like Harry Potter than Viktor Krum. I'm the underdog. Whoever our team is playing against is Krum -- the big superhero. I'm just Harry Potter, 'Zero to Hero.' "
I smell Pulitzer and it smells like teen bacon!!!!
Wizznutzz offer up some more DC ballers who are like charcaters from the Harrypotterman books:
WES UNSELD is HAGRID THE GAMEKEEPER think about similarities: a 200 year old head wizard (Pollin) shows unfailing loyalty to a burly good hearted oaf. even though others want to send him to prison, the old wizard gives him a job teaching "Care Of magical Creatures" aka Washington Bullets GM. Later, Wes aka Hagrid will also be in charge of the magical creatures that escape from abe pollins In Vitro Stem Cell breeding lab when the Cap Centre is destroyed, which means altering the memories of Muggles to make them think "manute Bol" is "african"
MICHALE SALIERI JORDAN is of course THE DARK LORD
THE MANCHILD KWAME BROWN is "HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED"
Darnell McCondichie, Arenas' childhood buddy, has given the thumbs-up sign to the changes. "It does look better than when I had it," he says. The vehicle was McCondichie's pride and joy until he lost it to Arenas in a game of Halo 2 on Xbox in Los Angeles last summer. Arenas pretended to be a novice at the video game until he and McCondichie agreed to bet their respective vehicles on it: a Cadillac Escalade vs. the Monte Carlo, straight-up. "He beat me real bad," McCondichie says. "It wasn't even close." Arenas had his newly secured possession shipped to the District and has been thoughtful enough to send photographs of it to his buddy this year. Or perhaps those photographs are the basketball equivalent of a taunt. "Darnell has a year-long bus pass," Arenas says with a proud grin.
Gil also reveals that he lives of a $93 dollar allowance and lives a modest lifestyle. Sure he has 10 toilets but u gotta keep in mind Abe pollin has installed toilets every 8 feet in the Verizon center so you can understand Gilberts sense of perspective...
During halftime of Washington Wizards games, Gilbert Arenas sits at his locker and plays online poker.
Writing commercials? Yep, he does that, too. He takes after his father, Gilbert Arenas Sr., an actor and writer in Los Angeles.
"I think I'm going to start filming some this summer and putting them online," Arenas said, "because I don't think they're going to be able to be on the TV."
Arenas then explained his idea for a commercial that would tie-in with the launch of his new shoe later this year. It's a pretty good concept: Instead of him tossing his jersey into a crowd, he tosses the shoe--and a kid in a wheelchair somehow ends up with it, befitting the Adidas tag line of "Impossible Is Nothing."
Thats a cool commercial, especially if the kid in the wheelchair was Brent Price! But our AGENT ZERO AD campaign is much better!
SIX: This inspirezz us to add some new photos to our AGENT ZERO foto gallery! SEVEN: During Bulls national TV game, we see poignant video of Gilbert giving cars and love to "MAGGIE FOSTER!!!"
Gil couldnt afford anything flashier than a Toyota on his $93 per diem, but thats kool, cause as soon as the cameras stopped rolling, he hustled if back off her in a game of Uno!!!
LASTLY
During Bulls game sideline reporter and small person MARK JONES called Gilbert "ZERO" in fact said "From ZERO TO HERO"
SO lets make one thing very clear:
Gilbert Arenas is going to be called "Zero" or "Agent Zero" or less likely "Zero The Gay Blade" by the wide world anytime now. theyll chant "ZEEE-RO" "ZEEE-RO", theyll have "ZERO DOLAAHS DOWN" in Eastern Motors Ads, SPorts Illustrated will write articles about trying to contain Gilberts big game and his bigger personaility titled "ZERO SUM GAME" and "KILL NIL"
but Who made that name first??
Thats right write it down, wizznutzz name the world to life, just like we named LBoogie "COLD MOUNTAIN" and now its on a basketball card, and its why Rasheed Wallace asked us to name his kids.
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