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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

OK yeah so things ahve been quiet here but behind the scenez more rumblings than Abe Pollin at the proctololgist.

As loyal superfazz know one of wizznutzz founding interns was the very reverend Darvin Ham of the Washington and detroit Bullets, he was such a important intern that we even elected him unaminously to be our first ever OMBUDSMAN!!. if anyone knew what "Ombudsman" meant we knew that person would be Darvin.

But 2 months ago Darvin had to leave the country because he had an offer he cant refuse:
he was offered an exclusive spot in the PBA aka THE PEEB!

SOme background on the PBA:

The teams in the Peeb have THE BEST NAMES EVER, including, true fact:

-The Talk N Text Phone Pals
-The Purefoods Chunkee Giants
-The Sta. Lucia Realtors
-The Crispa Redmanizers (1975-1984)
-The Great Taste Coffee Makers (1975-1992)
-The Moist & Meaty Less Active Formula
-The Vagisil Maximum Strength Cremes Foaming Wash
(Team Slogan: 'Sometimes Nature Gets It Wrong')
-The Attends(TM) Bog Catchers
-The Danbury Mint Big Boys
-The Hormel Potted Meat
-The Herpes Simplex

SO Darvin was signed by Philippine Basketball Association team Talk N Text Phone Pals.
He went to Phillipines with high hopes and many questions. What are the backboards made of? Are the gypsys friendly? Why does my Phillipine Cheesesteak smell like wet fur?

And though we were so sad to lose our anchorman, we wre happy for darvin, and so was phillipines, they LOVED darvin as we all knew because he is exceptional and charmy, smashing boards, smashing fear. He played great, sure he was no Bogs Adornado but he won hearts. He was so loved, the Phillipine government appointed him as Minister Of Agriculture! He got to wear a sash, he had a driver, he had gold mandals blessed by a brown pope.

He was on top of world but then life threw him a hamslam. And now Darvin is disgraced and resigned from his position and regular fillipinos who once loved darvin as national hero and hope calling for him to be caned!

How did this happen so quickly, well 3 things:

1. Phillipines appointed Darvin to Minister of Agriculture. The first thing they ask him, is they say :"We need a website, Ham. All the good countries Agriculture Ministries have websites." Now Darvin knows the paint but not the web, plus phillipines only has three computers, and none of them was Colecovision operating systen DHam wuz used to. So Darvin asked his old freind steve blake: "make me a website for ministry of AG, Ill pay you" and sure enough Steve Blake made a website, made one fast. Darvin didnt even look at it but put it up, and for a week the government clapped him on the back "so professional darvin, sign my moped please" but the website was in english and finally someone had it translated and were horrified to discover that it was actually a Steve Blake Mandals Fetish Blog and had no info on produce or grains whatsoeva and the only crop was a crop of penis poking up to the sun light through the straps of a flip flop.

2. Darvin spent 70% of the Ministry's annual budget buying "Bacon Beans" from a mysterious stranger.

3. Scandal erupts when a huge import order for "for West Indian Gherkin" brokered by Mervis Diamond's ZED MERVIS turns out to actually be human slave trade!

DArvin was devastated by this, his new career once again In Shattered Glass. He loved being Minister for AGriculture. he liked the big house and the handshakezz, he liked the servants because it meant his wife didnt handle the wine! But Darvin is innocent and guilty only of his innocence. The flippin fillipinos have themselves to blame, they wanted to put the cart b4 the mule, they wanted to think Darvin could solve a countrys agriculture problems, plus they should have known he had no mind for grain becasue they tested him using the RACIST science of PHRENOLOGY. Well thats a big accussation WNutz, whats yuour evidence???


A highly-placed source from the pro league said that the 6-7, former Detroit Piston, arrived Sunday and will be officially measured today.

"Talk N Text has requested for Darvin Ham's measurement. We have already made unofficial measurement yesterday and he will be officially measured today," the source said.

posted by wizznutzz