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Friday, February 17, 2006
How to make your own:

Michael Wilbon's


. . . . . . . .

-1 Cup Dried Canberries
-Various Lengths of Bright Ribbon

-Dried Twigs (dried and pruned)
-1 Yard Trailing Ivy (cut from the yard)
-18 Cups Dried Leaves (seasonal)
-1 Can of Florist Foam
-Craft Scissors
-I Ball of Twine
-1 Mini-Glue Gun and Glue Stick
-1 Styrofoam Ball (size of a fist)
-2 or 3 Heads of Indian Corn
-Assorted Small Gourds
-Three-wick Cream-colored Candles
-1 lb. Mixed Figs, Dates, Cherries, and/or Nuts
-3 Clementines
-Bolt Gun
-5 Large Plastic Drop Cloths
-Bone Saw
-1 Adult Mule


. . . . . . . .

1. Spread plastic drop cloth on floor and the walls. Fix to floor with masking tape, this will prevent the tarp from slipping.

2. Lead mule into center of tarp, facing the corner of the room. Place 1 clementine on floor in front of mule.

3. As mule eats the clementine, fire 6-inch iron bolt into base of the skull. For best results I usually stand by the animals side during this step to stay clear of any reflex kicking and expelled feces. Fire additional bolts as necessary.

4. Once you are certain the mule is dead, use your craft scissors to cut a strip of the pelt from just above the mules shoulders. Place this strip of hide aside for later decorative use.

5. Locate the jugular vein. Scatter 10 cups of dried leaves around the mules neck. Using the scissors, cut into the jugular, using swift stabbing motion. The leaves should absorb most of the blood. Use the remaining 8 cups of leaves to wipe excess blood from your face and walls.

6. Using the bone saw, cut into the mules neck, at the point at which you cut away the pelt. This step takes a bit of elbow grease! Some people find it easiest to lean on the saw as they cut. When you hear the saw hitting bone (a grating sound - don't worry, its unmistakeable), tighten your grip to prevent slippage. Turn the mule over and continue sawing until the head falls free. Place mule head aside.

7. Continuing to use the saw, cut the mules body into manageable peices, 10 - 12 twenty pount chunks is a safe rule of thumb. Roll the pieces up inside the tarp. Bind the parcel securely with craft twine.

8. Dispose of the package. Most people bury the meat (making sure to place several large stones atop the grave to prevent wild animals digging it up.) If you plan to throw the dead mule pieces into the river, make sure to do it down stream.

9. Gather mule head, and remaining ingredients, and assemble into a handosme, festive centerpiece!

posted by wizznutzz