First NEW YORK POST ("occasionally printed in English") reports TLegz gets a vodka tonic chaser thrown in his face in a Chelsea night club at 4am!!
For those who know the Chelsea neighborhood, if your gonna get a "chaser in the face", you could do worse!!!
Then DEADSPIN turns up hot photos of Legz partying with narrow tarts at Coyote Ugly in San ANtonio. You know Coyote Ugly: girls wanna grow up be princesses, girls with low self-esteem wanna tend bar at C Uggz. They think in their boots and halter tops and fast cash and attitude and jaded zest that they are indpeendent modern women and that they are in charge but they arent in charge of anything 'cept pouring gin down the 3 chins of a suburban dad in a Kenny Chesney avaiator jacket . SO Legz hits the scene with Fred Carter and they are boozing and Fred Carter gets up and dances on the bar and the crowd is cheering and Fred gets into the spirit and takes off his bra and tacks onto the Bra Wall of Fame! Meanwhile Leggz works the ladies, he tells them about his "3-Balls" and how he can 'pleasure the charity stripe' no nobodies bizness and he even uses his tired old pickup line:
"Yeah I did commentary for NBA on TNT... I guess you could say Im a 'DYNOMITE ANALIST!"
The he found the girl with the lowest self-esteem of em all and pried her with prunos and red bull and took her back to his hotel and next thing she wakes up with familiar crushing shame and headache, and doesnt remember where she is but then she sits up and OH BOY does she remember now: the bed sheets, and her naked body are smeared in burnt orange faketan and pancake makeup.. she gets dressed and on her way out goes into other room to say awkward shy bye to Legs and hes there with Fred carter watching Jan 13, 1989 Clippers/Hawks game with magic markers and a telestrator, naked and eating cereal and he says "dont talk to me cant you see im working??" then he telestrates a childish alligator biting Freds crotch and they laugh and laugh, and she doesnt laugh but she doesnt cry either. She saves that until shes at the bus stop..
But none of this would have happened if Leggs had been with his former Wingman and bomb-squad co-founder, Brent Price. Where the H was brent price???
Brent Price was in his childhood room in Oklahoma, sitting in front of the mirror, parting his hair with a comb, talking to Jesus. "Lord, what am I here for? What would you have me do Lord? ANd why would you have me do it with such sore feet?"
posted by wizznutzz OUR FAMOUS MOTHERING HUT T-SHIRTS PERMALINK |
