Monday, January 02, 2006
OK sorry! Yeah weve been missing in action for some time now but hey its not easy positioning a front loaded brand in expanding markets in some 3rd world countries where you cant even say the word HAM let alone eat it or slam it. And then we get the call from border agents and we have to go down to San Lupus to sort it out because it seems the DuckWagon (the Charles Duckworth Charity Van) got involved in smuggling human cargo. No not what you think bringing immigrants into america but the total opposite:
that writer "Hitchens" pictured here with Fred Barry and Duckwagon, took the duckwagon a few weeks ago (he has special key as celebrity ambassdor) and Hitchens turns out went a little crazy after 9/11, like Ron Silver and Osama bin Laden, and Susan O'Malley (she banned poetry!) and Hitchens now hates the mexican and was trying to force a van of em back over the border to mexico, even though they were US citizens and some not even hispanic, just with moustaches and forgiving eyes!
So much has happened in the last half-dozen games. I think The Brown Hornet aka Antonia Daniels scored a basket. Jarvis' case of "Bobby's Knee" has flared up again. Coach Jordan got Mad Libs for christmas!!! Oh yeah and HOBO CHARLIE demanded a trade!!! I think Dallas offered a dead goat and a mint condition copy of Wolverine # 3 . Jacksonville called too and was veeeery interested but wait, their is no team in jacksonville!!!!
But there is one serious issue we need to talk about right of the bat:
TK always talks about how handsome Riles is and admires his manliness and virility. Its like Brokeback Mountain but with pleats and finger rings. I understand because Tony was losing his hair years ago back when he was able to mate so his instincts say, big big thick natural hair on a ted danson of a man means him to be handsome and young no matter what. And I understand that tony grew up in a time when macho men threw medicine balls at each other, and huffed out their chests and wore little man shorts like spartacus and some of these medicine ball men had big dog faces , like hounds, and I also get it that Jeff Van Gundy Van Sapien is no strip of spring bacon himself. You come into a sauna with Van Sapien in his speedo and you cant tell which end is up with your eyes or hands but only with your nose.
But none of those things are an excuse to find Pat Raley so bracingly MACHOSENUOUS
Pat Riley is a shark. He has a bulbous, slab of beef meat face, a penisface like Jo Camel, if Joe Camel had bitterness and heavy cologne in his hump, a london broil face thats unkind and brutish. Rilez eyes are red, his kidneys are bad, cause he has bad charmlesss blood in his veins. When he squeezes his tanning salon turkey neck rolls into a starched suit he looks like a pig in an Armani blanket. He's got those silky vegas pleat pants and that Brock Savage vaingloriousness and you just know he keeps company of ladies with low self esteem like dancers and bulemics and Linda Kohn and those girls who work at American Apparral .
So TK before you can say "I wish I knew how to quit you Riles" here is alist of more guys that guys think are really handsome who arent really so handsome to the ladies:
Chuck Norris Sly Stallone Dan Marino Ted Danson Jon Elway Tom selleck Burt Reynlods Maury chaykin Russel crowe Richard greico Kevin Costner Don johnson
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