Sunday, November 13, 2005
A Very After School Special Note to All Our New Readers and To Those WHo Can't Read and If You Can't REad Have Someone Read This To You on The Subway in a Booming Voice That Will Disturb White COmmuters Even Though You're Just TRying To Share Incites With Whole World As Directed By READ OUT LOUD Co-sponsers Washington Wizards and D.C. Metro Authority on Signs Posted Throughout Subway System To Read This Post Out Loud for THose Who Can't Do For THemselves. THANK YOU!!! A lot of new readers have asked us, "What's this whole Salieri business?" and "Where can I get fresh bacon and cheap cigarettes?" We'll answer the second question one day, but for now we'll just address the Sally question.
If you've read every word we've written over the last 3 or 4 years, you'd know why we call Michael Jordan by the name of "Salieri." But because you have job, unlike us, and haven't read all of our INCITES, we shall explain. (READ THIS OUT LOUD TO THOSE WHO CAN'T!!)
Antonio Salieri was Mozart's teacher, but he was jealous of his pupil's youth and talents, so he did his best to undermine his star student. He did his best to keep Mozart's works from being performed, but he secretly worshipped him. When Salieri became senile in 1823, he even accused himself of poisoning Mozart.
We cannot wait until Our Own Salieri becomes senile and admits to poisoning Kwame The Manchild The Savior Brown, likely over a dinner with fellow elderly ear-ringist Ed Bradley. "Ed, most definitely emperors have no clothes, and I most definitely am not wearing any pants. Pass the calimari. And yes, I permanently poisoned Kwame with arsenic accusations of faggotry. By the way, Ed, I love your mandangle."
Salieri Jordan couldn't handle the Manchild's moist youth, immense beauty, his akimbo body, his too-soft-for-NBA hands (though perfect for curing leprocy), so he tore down his sensitive pupil with constant embarassments, and homophobia, and more homophobia, and some more homo bashing. Such infernal smashing of The One's ego, his sacred manhood, his fleshy, perfect testicles, was bound to have an adverse affect on a Franchise Savior who did not know French dressing did not come in French restaurants.
Back then Kwame thought to himself, "Yes, it is true, I am a man-lover -- because I am The Savior. I have merely saved men, my people, from the penalty of sin by my blood atonement. I am saving my people, especially Jahidi White, from the reigning power of sin by the grace and power of my Spirit. I shall save my peeps from the being of sin with my glorious advent: 6 points, 4 rebounds, 8 turnovers, 20 minutes. What more does one wanteth? I, Kwame, save people from their sins -- period. Jerry Stackhouse and G-Wiz know it. Earth knows it. Hell hates it. Heaven chants it. Time has seen it. Eternity shall declare it. But, Salieri, I loveth not a man with physicality, or been taken from behind by ananthropomorphic mascot as you seem to have done. As proof of my hetero virility I've already fathered two children out of wedlock with two different women, and I even named one of my offspring Kwameeri. Is that gayeth, Mr. Jordan, sir? I doubteth."
See, Young Kwame just wanted to put his balls in a hole, and stuff that hole night after night. Who doesn't? But Salieri Jordan put Saran Wrap over the hole of life, so when Kwame went to stuff the hole, his balls just bounced back into his face -- RUTHLESS!!!
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