Thursday, October 13, 2005
ANother awesome season is about to dawn up thankl god!!!!
First of all YES, it has been quiet here this summer but not a qwuiet summer. but a summer of turbulence, mutiny. Turgid awakenings in the offseason's shorts. I cant even bring myself yet to speak his name.!!! It is the big pink elephant in the corner of the room that everyone is pretending isnt there, and this time that elephant isnt Jahidi White air drying his naked body, standing between Jeremy Schapp and thre exit, or Steve Buckhantz waking in the sun clutching at his mesh sirt, a 'DAGGER' at his lips. But dont worry fanzzz, We will have the INCITES of our lives to make on THAT soon ,
But now we embrace the new season!!! it opens like the skin of a late summer onion.
The signs are everywhere.
Wes Unseld being removed from the locker room, his offseason home. The new freshfaced MCI interns sent in to pull down his "mock draft boards": assembled from anxiety medicine precriptions scotch-taped to the showerstall, sweeping up the nail clippings and the grey teeth and gummy nachos and the torn out pages of "WHo Moved My Cheese" with the words "exterminate the brutes" scrawled in the margins. And the interns sweep with broken hearts, to see their hero this way. Because Washington Basketball steals the innocents of the world like the old french whore with the twisted wig sleeping next to you this morning, a half-eaten cheese crepe upon her wheezing chest. Two hot pockets, now horribly cold despite the new sun.
The players are arriving in their noisy SUVs. Michael Ruffin has a shiny new bus pass hanging in an ID holder around his neck! PJ Ramos looks like he is recovering well from his massive offseason stroke. Everyone admires Constable Hayes in his new tweeds. Coach Jordan so fresh from the barber, the ink hasnt even dried.
And the Wizznbutzz interns are slowly drifitng back to the headquarers at Circuit City Herndon. I got this email from Jaarko :
"Good to you my friends! I have spent summer in FInland where I had my same summer job as Herring Boy at Borga Segelsallskap Yeucht Clob. Let me say that I spend all my summers with the job since 13 years old!! For 13 years old boy, herring boy job is great for learn respoinsibility. For 21 years old herring boy job is great for extra pocket money (and of course meet the ladies!!!) For now 37 years man, Herring Boy is very lonely. No one talks, and turn away. Onion finds home in the beard and the smell. Well you clean hands over and over and never wash the smell away. No one shares their laughs any more, only thing shared is uncomfortable silence between important persons and their fishy manservant. But I look forward to seeing you soon!!! How were wizards in summer?!?? I think about it alot to help me to wake one more day. I think this will be great year for Kwame Brown! Youll see! I see breakout year for him with Wizards. Also, I think Juan Dixon works on game and now starts! And young Andray Blatche? I bet that he had good summer, getting in shape and learning to be a man from Mister Ramos staying out of troubles. A nice boy!"
Come home Jaarko, just come home...
Also I hear from friendzz that fan-fave wizznutzz intern August Strindberg had a busy summer too. He was performing in the Vagina Monologues with the Reston community theatre troupe The Noble Blades. But he stormed off after one performance when Eve Ensler would not approve his script revision:
"My hole of despair is indeed flesh and blood, and my corporeal malediction is in a fury and aspires to speak"
Its not a Vagina DIALOGUE august!!! Anyways he sent a scroll saying he will regretfully return to us and could we provide him with a stipend and a Swedish woman of childbearing age.
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