Thursday, May 05, 2005  

Steve Buckhantz had drawn his playoff dagger.
He had been polishing it for two weeks. It’s a special dagger, like the hobbit blade Sting, it glows blue, but not when Orcs are near, but this dagger glows blue when there is a shifting of momentum and hesitation in the air, which means he has to wrap it in a blanket whenever he undresses for a lady.





The curse of Les Boulez seemed upon us again.
The ghosts of Webber and Lorenzo Williams and Ike Austin were making there way down the United Center aisle.
The ghost of Wes Unseld was passed out in the men's room of a Long John Silvers.
But the Wizards of 2005 have something that the franchise has never had.
A player stone-cold crazy enough to believe!!!!!
A Straight Line Assassin, a Chocolate Rooster named Gilbert!
Tru fact: Chickens don't perspire. Have you noticed Gilbert never ever sweats? See for yourself.
Also If you cut the head of Gilbert he would be shooting practice jumpers headless for 2 days.

Gilbert is Crispin Glover crazy! He is 1st team All-Margot Kidder crazy. When Pat O'Brien calls Gilbert he doesn’t even have to say "I wanna get crazy with you" because the crazy part is just understood. He was a man when he had to be, and a sweet child at the press conference. Lets just pray Wilbon doesnt compare him to Jordan. The Chicago press were calling Ben Gordon Ben "Jordan". That makes 2 Jordans in 3 years that Abe Pollin has sent packing from the MCI Center. As we said before, at least let the kid ruin a franchise, gamble away his paycheck and cheat on his wife before you call him the next Jordan.

And everybody has been playing great. 2 guyzz especially turned it around. Brendan Haywood has been on fire. Athletes say when they are in a zone that the game "slows down". When BH is feeling it he describes a feeling he gets that his hands "get bigger."!!!

Speaking of hands, Juan Dixon washed his hands of Game 3. And then he literally washed his hands, over and over and over until they were red. Because as you know Juan Dixon is fearfully afraid of Germzz!!!!!!!!

And as he washed his hands, he made many baskets, and as he made baskets Comcast announcer Steve Buckhantz would yell:

"JAGGERS!"

The Wzznutzz went to Game 3 and it was amazing. We went on Ntional radio and called Scott Skiles a "Stout Bitch" and we asked the question "Who would Jesus Boo???" and everyone knows Jesus would boo Adres Nocioni and so we all did and he got hit in the balls and it was sweet.

Everybody is cranking the Bullets Fever song and its like 1979 all over again: the team is again winning and the city is again clapping and Jeff Ruland is again a virgin. We asked Nils Lofgren to record "Wizards Fever" song for us but he hasn’t returned our calls.

SO Everyone email Nils and beg him!:

Nils Email: asmgmt@aol.com

We even have a video ready to go!!!!
Our video for Wizards fever just like that Awesome D'Angelo video, the one where he is naked from the waist up, but in our video its Steve Blake instead of D'angelo and in our video the camera pans down! Check it out!



posted by Wizznutzz | 6:00 PM
6 comments

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6 Comments:

oh good god no

By Anonymous, at 5:04 PM  

I hope rabid Bulls fans do not counter with compromising photos of Jared Reiner.

May the Wizards burn the Bulls as hot as the time when Craig Hodges was almost torched to a crisp by his wife. One of the all-time great NBA domestic disputes, BTW.

By Jeremy Rich, at 7:35 AM  

There is such a thing as the curse of Lorenzo Williams? What on earth is that? I'd be more worried about the curse of Mel Turpin or Charles Jones.

By Jeremy Rich, at 7:39 AM  

AWESOME COMMENT JEREMY!
I know there are photos of Scott SKiles that are mostly naked from a never poublshed shoot for "SQUAT", a lifestyle magazine for stout men. But Scott has LAWYERS all over it....

By Darvin, at 1:20 PM  

How duzz it FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL?!?!

By D-Vanterpeezy, at 2:59 PM  

Thank you so much for that image of Steve Blake.

I will now proceed to insert a carnivorous worm into my ear and wait out my last few precious minutes by posting this before it starts chewing on my brains.

By Anonymous, at 11:17 PM  

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