Wednesday, May 11, 2005  

Some Thoughts from the Wiz/Heat Series:

2-nothing its all good, no need to get your Jahidi Thongs in knot. Sure we need a few things but its not like playoff veteran 3 point specialists grow on trees , right???…. Anthony Peeler!!!!!!!!!! Also 7 foot physcial prodigys don’t grow on trees but we'll get to KWAME (-- HE HAS RISEN --)later. For now redhot incitezz:

We aren’t worried but we need to win these games. Its nice to get this far and all and there are moral victories but ABC and the NBA have added a new twist to the playoffs to get ratings up this year:

if your Team loses, Hubie Brown will perform a DEMENTORS KISS on the players.








The Wiz rotation is a mess right now. EJord continues running the Princeton Offense but it is the offense from the Princeton Polish Club. Meanwhile Juan Dixon continues to play the "Montogemry COunty Rec Departments 8 and Under Soccer League Offense", dribbling around staring at his feet, SHOOT! SHOOT! SHOOT!
During the playoffs I love the preview for the movie Unleashed! Bob Hoskins plays a pasty old man who keeps an aisan man in a dog collar! (Its a personal project for Hoskin, part of a trilogy about his early life as a struggling young actor who traded in asian slaves for pocket money.) Thats SO awesome! I wish Bob Hoskins would put that collar on Juan Dixon!

Meanwhile Miami Heat continue to run their vaunted "JAKE AND THE FATMAN" offense.
Its all pick and roll, pick and roll, and boy is Shaq a roll!!!

As much as Wizznutzz hate ChinchillaPubes Andres Nocioini, it is nothing comparing to how much we are going to be hating these 2 men:

#1 Damon Jones.
Damon, you aint hollywood and You aint no Dwayne Wade.
You are not even Dwayne WAYNE!! Hey PYGMY You think you are all that but to Jahidi White your life is = 1/2 pack of Kools.




#2 Alonzo Morning (pictured above, far right with tray)
The whole world hates Alonzo. Even Hoyas fans. Im not doctor but Alonzos kidneys couldnt process all the angry and they wanted out. Buy wow he sure a got a transplant fast didnt he?! thats cause he went to china and used his NJ Jets monies to buy a child right off the streets and didnt even bother removing his kidneys, alonzo just had the whole child sewed right into his organ box!!!!! How about it science! Not since Gollum has a man been made so wretched and piteously bitter by the lure of One Ring. And there will be no joy if he gets his Precious, just more sour fury.
See when he argues with referees that look on his face? "Whats Taters ref?, whats taters??"

How much does that look look like the dad from "Good Times", John AMos??!!!





The only time ALonzo looked more like John AMos was when his agent told him he was going to be signed by the Heat and he flared his nostrils and yelled:
"FLORIDA!"

It will be good to come home. The wizz played valiant on road but they need the home court for shooters like LBoogie, the Rim looks bigger at home, the mascot is plusher, and I hate that sea of red shirts in the Miami areana, all those fans in red. August Strindberg almost got us ejected from Circuit City last night when the camera flashed to the crowd and he started screaming "THE BLOODY FLUX!! THE BLOODY FLUX!!"

Also we gotta get Gilbert out of Miami. Not because of his Daisy Duke cutoffs and PArty John wrestling. But because Miami is the second home of Gilberts dad Gilbert Arenas SENIOR from when he was an extra on an episode of Miami Vice. Maybe you saw when the TV cameras captured Gil Sr and Grandpa Arenas in the stands; nice moment right? heartwarming, 3 generations of arenas men? Well not necessarily so. There are some parts of Gilberts unusual upbringing that didnt make it into the papers. Like when Seniors acting career hit the skids and Tubbs took him off the speed dial, and Gilbert SR got remote and moody and became Drinky Dad for a while and exhibited weird behaviours, like how he turned his Motel room into an exact relpica of Edward James Olmos' police chiefs office from Miami Vice, with blinds, and a black phone, and a desk and an in-tray marked "CASE FILES" that had old sunday comics in it. And if Gilbert Jr came home from school with a bad grade SenioR would yell "Your badge Arenas" and when Gilbert said he was sorry DAD and made the frightened face, SR would holler "CALL ME LIETENTANT CASTILLO" like he'd had stenciled on the motel door.



Dads OK now. Mostly. SOmetimes when Gilbert has a bad game, dad calls him up and says "SOn what youve got is a case of the 'SMUGGLERS BLUES'. DOnt worry, It's just the nature of the business," and hangs it up.

ALSO things in Miami are just plain freaky:

First Phil Jackson and Jerry Buss's daughter Jeanie and now this:

"South Beach was abuzz this week after Miami Heat coach Stan Van Gundy's 72 year old mother, Cindy Van Gundy, was spotted canoodling at Lounge with handsome Heat reserve Christian Laettner. The word is that Cindy's tadpoling ways isn't sitting well with her son, and caused some recent Mother's Days embarrassment for Stan who, upon bringing flowers up to mom's condo, was forced to leave them on the door matt when he found a faded Duke ballcap hanging on the doorknob - the traditional Van Gundy family sign for "Disturb at your Own Risk!"

Its great to see Sister Christian getting his though. As Vainglorious Minister and founder of the Divine Church of Machosensual Sciences he has a reputation and an aura and a message: God made man in his image but we thought his image was a little shabby so man created Products to hold and shape. Blessed are the Groomers!!!

And Speaking of the Van Gundys, its great to see the family has finally reconciled with the third son, Dennis Van Gundy who is a gay actor who changed his name to the stage name:

"Gundy Van Sapien"

Gundy was the star of the straight to video police procedural that was very popula rin the gay community:

DETECTIVE BARGEARSE






But he is more famous for dating Maury Chaykin.

posted by Wizznutzz | 5:54 PM
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1 Comments:

I defy you to look at Stan Van Gundy without shouting, "I learned it from watching you, dad!!!"

By Joe, at 4:30 PM  

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