Thursday, November 04, 2004  

SEason of Small Hands, Big Dreams

Wizznutzz have had a long turgid summer. Holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance.Gooid times: Fishing, preparing the bacon harvest, Gar Heard as Constable Dogberry in Shakespeare in the Park.

A new season is here. New faces! New incites!
The pride of the southeast!
New Mexico's awards 5 electoral votes to Laron Profit! Mandate for hamslamzzzz!

Coming up soon famous season predictions. also other candid things. Jahidi the Great Pumpkin!!!, steve nash's wife wages new war with Candida!!.

PREDICTION incites starting with SPECIAL TO WIZZNUTZZ correspondent Travis Morrison.

Travis makes music, MOZART was a PUNK! he writes his best songs when teh wizards lose. he writes the songs that makes Landover sing!

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Southeast Conference
Atlanta Hawks:
There is a very good chance that this team is going to be starting a forty-two year old center with no arms. I swear to God Kevin Willis looks like his hands sprout directly out of his shoulders. And now they don't even have Dan "The Blue Lagoon" Dickau, with his curly locks and thirteen career three-pointers. Definitely a player for the conference final.

Washington Wizards:
Brendan Haywood comes into my neighborhood gym. No joke. He turns the TV audio on very loud (it's got a little half-a-watt broadcasting gizmo that sends the audio out on FM radio, but does the Wood give a fuck? The Wood does not give a fuck) and he runs on a treadmill for about eight minutes, in a gimpy little skip, watching "Jackass," yelling things like "OH HE IS NOT GOING TO PUT THAT IN HIS ASS! OH NO HE IS NOT!" while white people cower behind balance balls. First place.

Miami Heat:
I don't know what you think you're going to accomplish without Rafer Alston. Rafer Alston can do anything. Rafer Alston can bounce the ball off a defender's face, catch it with his teeth, swallow it, and make it reappear across the court via tears in the space-time fabric. Rafer Alston can't really deal with stress, it must be said: double-teams and slumps seem to have a PCP-like effect on Skip to my Lou. His eyes turn into spirals and he dribbles so fast that the ball becomes invisible to the eye. Well, anyways, he's off to Nunavut now. the Heat did acquire the best player in the history of basketball, they've got that going for them. NBA champs.

Orlando Magic:
This team looks terrible. Steve Francis is the worst. I mean, he can play and all, but what kind of loonytune gets traded away from Yao Ming? I mean, I'll tell you what, you put me on a team with a 7'6" cat with an ass the size of a Cooper Mini, and you know what I do? I kind of throw the ball up near the rim EVERY TIME. EVERY FRICKING TIME. I would occasionally tune into Rockets games and it would blow my mind, watching Stevie Franchise play one on five and eventually put up a no-look jump hook from 16 feet, with a second on the shot clock. They'd even go in sometimes. Whatevs. You should be DOCKED for hitting those shots. Poor Grant Hill. Um, I dunno, these guys could get to the finals.

Charlotte Bobcats:
What was the story with the owner of the original Charlotte team? Was it that he fucked his wife's best friend's dog or something? There was some kind of weird scandal that turned off the squeeky-clean Charlotte community. I don't remember what it was. As a Washingtonian, I kind of couldn't believe it. Jack Kent Cooke used to shoot prostitutes in the face at 7th and N, and his wife, wow... when I was thirteen or so, he had this young Bolivian thing for a wife who was always getting arrested for this and that. I think she attacked a cop once in front of Club Zei. Marlene! Marlene Cooke! Google it. Anyways, Emeka Okafur looked good in the Olympics. Did he play? Anyways, 50 wins at least.

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Thanks Travis incites not minor!

posted by Wizz Nutzz | | 4:43 PM
2 comments

2 Comments:

Juan Dixon to Laron Profit... slam dunk shot - WIzzz in 2005 (Where's Steve Blake and XreeHipp?)

By Anonymous, at 4:08 PM  

you wrote:
>Steve Francis is the worst. I mean, he can play and all, but what >kind of loonytune gets traded away from Yao Ming?

steve francis is not nearly as big an idiot as stephon marbury
he had kevin garnett and he just couldn't be second fiddle to the best player on the planet
can you imagine how many titles in a row these two could have won
if only steph wasn't the biggest egomaniac on the earth

By mig, at 5:11 PM  

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